EarthBound: The Perpetual Adventures
by John McKeenan
Summary: It's not just that they have to clean up the mess Giygas's invasion left...it's that they have to be teenagers while they're at it. Rated T for very strong language, adult content, mild violence. See reviews for Author's Notes. CHAPTER 8 FIXED.
1. Flying Foxes

One thirty-two in the morning. Hard pounding at the door. The feeling of being unable to move. The feeling of being unable to open his eyes.  
Ness Franklin had to ask himself, how familiar was this?  
  
  
It happened to him twice already. The last time, it was Picky Minch with a letter from his brother, Pokey. The letter teased Ness about not being able to find its writer, but Ness could care less. After all, those who knew, did. That was at the end of August. The situation before that happened at the end of June, and at the door was Pokey Minch himself, not bearing a letter, but rather a small problem. His visit would ignite what Ness considered to be the best summer of his life thus far. Then again, he would probably consider it the best summer of his life, period. How many summers does one get to travel the world and experience the highest of high adventure, after all? True, he lost a friend, and he was knocked unconscious several times over the course of two months, but he gained three new friends, and as for being knocked unconscious…well, he liked hospital food.  
  
  
This time was slightly different than the other two times. Now it was mid-December, the chill of northern Eagleland blanketing Onett with snow instead of sunshine, and he was sick with a cold and home alone. Mom was off visiting Dad, and Tracy was sleeping over at a friend's house.  
  
  
And now, there was yet another knock on the door, late at night, and once again, he didn't want to hear it.  
  
  
The knocking would not stop. Despite a cold that was slowing him down, Ness was in good enough psychic condition to defend himself long enough for the cops to get to the house, in case it was an intruder, or…whatever. All he knew was that after the Tarantino-style butt-kicking that he personally delivered to some of Onett's finest last June, the fuzz better be ready to back him up at a moment's notice.  
  
  
Ness rose, walked down the stairs, towards the door. There was a tremble in his step. He had no reason to be afraid of what was behind the door, yet he was afraid anyway. All he knew was that his hand was now on the doorknob, and from what Ness could tell from the peephole, he was going to open it to a figure dressed in a hat and trench coat.  
  
  
Ness took in a hard breath, and opened the door to the figure. "Man," said Ness, hiding his fear behind a tough guy voice, "You seriously do not know who you're messing with!"  
  
The figure smiled, shook his head, and with a certain combination of words and a voice of Sir Anthony Hopkins, made Ness' jaw drop. "A bee I am…not."  
  
*********  
  
The coffee maker beeped, signaling the end of the percolation process. Ness pulled out the coffee pot and poured coffee into each mug. He then brought each mug to the table where Buzz Buzz sat, waiting for Ness.  
  
  
"You know," said Ness, "You're not a bad looking human. I guess you weren't a bee after all, huh?"  
  
"That is what I said, isn't it?" replied Buzz Buzz, breathing a smoky, cool breath onto his tea and taking a sip. "Excellent coffee, Ness. What brand is this?"  
  
"Foldgers decaf."  
  
"I'll have to stock up before I go back."  
  
"Which brings me to my next question. How is it that you're not dead?"  
  
"You defeated Giygas. Without Giygas threatening to destroy our very way of life, I had no reason to come to the past to set you on your way. Hence, there was no need to be crushed to death by Lardna Minch's awful flyswatter." Buzz Buzz shivered, and continued "Do you know that it kills me to swat flies these days?"  
  
"Wait, back up. How do you still know-?"  
  
"Please, Ness, I couldn't possibly explain it to you, because not even you have the capacity to understand such things. I will say this, though: With thousands, perhaps millions of years left until humans can naturally die out, do you really think that the people of your time discovered everything there is to discover about the laws of the space-time continuum?"  
  
"Please, I can't think like a college student when I have a cold…"  
  
"Why don't you heal yourself?"  
  
"Because I have a math test tomorrow and I'm not ready for it yet."  
  
"Understandable, understandable," said Buzz Buzz. The two sipped their coffee in silence for a moment until Buzz Buzz broke the silence. "Well, Ness, I'm afraid this isn't all about pleasantries."  
  
"What is it about?"  
  
Buzz Buzz sighed, a sigh that Ness read as a sign that he was about to accept a great responsibility. Not that it was a new feeling. Ness figured that there had to be a reason behind Buzz Buzz's visit. "The world still needs you," said Buzz Buzz, "Perhaps the universe will live to see another decade because of what you have done, but I can guarantee that if you do nothing, you will live to see the end of existence."  
  
Ness blinked. It couldn't have been a pure reflex because he was aware that he blinked. He put down his coffee mug, suddenly not feeling like any more."How long will you need me?"  
  
"As long as it takes. I fear, Ness, that this is not just one task. I'm asking for something that may be hard to accept, something that could put a curb on your educational life, your job, your career, your family."  
  
"What is that something?"  
  
"I am asking you to be on call to save the world for the remainder of your life. And I fear that you will get calls much more frequently than twice in your lifetime."  
  
"This is just me? Not me, Paula, Jeff-"  
  
"No, this involves them, of course. After all, they are the chosen four, and you cannot be successful without them." Buzz Buzz stood up to leave. "I can sense your disdain for this task."  
  
"It's not just that," said Ness, "Paula's easy enough to talk to, but Jeff's going to be a little hard to bring on board since he's far off in Winters, and Poo…well, Poo's too far off and too busy with, uhm…princely duties to help. I could only probably get Paula."  
  
Buzz Buzz smiled again. "Don't worry," he said, "You'll find things a lot easier to deal with when you come home from school on Tuesday." He turned around and started for the door. "I'll be in the hotel for two weeks. You will find me registered under the name Aldrin."  
  
"Clever."  
  
"If you fail to contact me, I shall take your answer as a no and return to my own present. And Ness?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"This will be your only opportunity to accept this fate. You will not get another chance to say yes." And with that, Buzz Buzz left Ness with the burden of his new responsibility.  
  
*********  
  
Monday came dreary and cold. Ness slept through the morning, woke up in the afternoon, and hit the books to use the extra day before having to stay after school on Tuesday to take his Math test. Ironic, thought Ness, how he was capable of manipulating space and time but associated the word "sine" with crop circles. He felt a little better when Paula called up to say hello.  
  
  
"How was school?" she asked  
  
"It wasn't," responded Ness, "I was sick today with a cold."  
  
"You? Sick? Don't you have some healing ability?"  
  
"Yeah, but I had a really powerful strain that I couldn't stop."  
  
"A new strain?" Paula sounded concerned.  
  
"Yeah. The Trigonometry Virus." Paula was chuckling at Ness' line when he suddenly remembered his visitor. "Paula, we've got troubles."  
  
"What're you talking about?"  
  
"Remember how that whole thing started?"  
  
"You got a visit from some bee that came out of a meteor, something like that."  
  
"Keep an open mind, this gets a lot weirder."  
  
"How much weirder can our lives be?"  
  
Ness sighed. He couldn't believe what he was about to say. "That bee, Buzz Buzz, came back. He was human. And he told me that we needed to be on call to save the world."  
  
"What from?"  
  
"He didn't tell me."  
  
"You going for it?"  
  
"Paula…I don't know."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Paula, I went to save the world last time because I knew that if I lived through it, I would be back by the end of the school year and return to my normal life. This…my life, our lives, would change forever if we did this."  
  
"But the fate of the world is still in the balance, Ness!"  
  
"Yeah. It'll end by the time we're old, frail, weak, and ready to die."  
  
"And what about the people that are our age when they face the apocalypse?" Paula sounded angry, very angry.  
  
"I'm not thinking about them right now. I can't. I don't think I can give up everything I've known so I can save people I'll never know." Ness immediately stopped himself before he said anything to make him look like a bigger jerk. "Look, I didn't really mean that-"  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Really. Paula, how can I deal with being a…someone who can…" Ness was tripping up on his own words. He couldn't explain his sudden absence of human decency. It was just there.  
  
Paula filled the silence. "You seem to be at a loss for words right now. So I'll tell you what I know. My whole life before last summer, I've been hounded by the press. It's better these days, but pretty much the only privacy I could get back then was the bathroom. Now I could've ended all of that if I just stopped getting kittens out of trees, or healing little kids who became hit-and-run victims. But I hold myself in higher moral regard than most other people. And last summer, I thought that the only person that beat me in morality was you." She paused to catch her breath.  
  
"Paula, understand something. All I want to do right now is settle down, be with my girlfriend, get a life-not be a-"  
  
"You don't want to finish that sentence!" Paula screamed. Ness heard a hard CLICK on the other end.  
Ness swore to himself. He replayed the conversation in his mind. Why was he acting like such a jerk? Last summer he was in it for the greater good. How is it that he's suddenly acting this way?  
He went over this question several times. He went over it while he studied for his math test. He went over it while he ate his steak dinner. He went over it while watching "Fourside Public." He went over and over it until sleep would not allow him to go over it any more.  
  
*********  
  
"What are you listening to, Jeff?"  
  
Jeff Andonuts pulled off his headphones and looked at Tony Matheson. Their plane had just left Winters, and was set to arrive at Fourside International Airport in two hours. In the meantime, Jeff's plan was to take the laptop that Eagleland Airways's business class supplied, and work on his thesis for Snow Wood Boarding School. When the thing was finished, Jeff's victory would be bittersweet-happy that it was done, but angered by the fact that he would have to write three more of these things.  
That was the plan, anyway. Jeff had the disk containing his work in the laptop, but he eventually got lazy with the paper and just popped in the David Holmes CD that he bought with him. "I'm listening to a very interesting artist," said Jeff, "David Holmes."  
  
"I never heard of him."  
  
"He does movie scores these days, but he's an excellent techno musician."  
  
"Really? The CD is good?"  
  
"Yes, it's called 'Come Get It I Got It.' I'm listening to it right now. It's old, but it's certainly fun."  
  
"I'll have to borrow it from you one day."  
  
"As soon as we land, it's yours." Jeff turned back to the computer screen. Something fascinating about watching a timer count how long a song was running, second by second.  
  
"Hey, Jeff?" Tony broke his concentration, but it wasn't anything Jeff got too worked up over.  
  
"Yeah?" he asked.  
  
"What happens when we land?"  
  
"Well, first, we check into the airport hotel. We'll spend the night there, then we'll go into the city for some breakfast."  
  
"Why don't we eat at the airport hotel?"  
  
"Because it's an airport hotel. Anyway, we'll have our breakfast, and we'll catch a bus to Onett. From there, I'll talk to a friend of mine, Ness. You've met him."  
  
"Yes, during the Stonehenge incident. What does he have to do with your paper?"  
  
"Trust me," said Jeff, "He knows a lot about meteor rocks."  
  
*********  
  
Tuesday was sunnier. The sky was clear, boasting its brightest blue. Ness took his trigonometry test, but he figured that he failed it. He had studied well for it, but what Paula had said to him cut his concentration like a knife. He always thought he was a noble person, glad to help out anyone no matter what the cost. However, the words that came out of his mouth yesterday surprised even him. He wanted to save the universe. But would the cost of taking on such a responsibility prove to be too much for him? He wanted to choose world peace over his own personal life, yet he still felt that he valued his personal life more.  
  
  
Ness walked home, feeling guilty over what he did to Paula, over letting down six billion people, although only three of them would have to know what he had done. He felt a little better when he saw two people sitting on the steps leading up to his house, one of them familiar. "Well, well, well," said Ness to the familiar face, "What brings you here?"  
  
Jeff smiled, walked over to Ness, and gave him a hug. "Hey, Ness," he said, "So great to see you." Jeff broke the hug and motioned over to Tony. "Ness," he said, "You remember Tony Matheson, do you?"  
  
"How could I forget?" said Ness, who had completely forgotten about Tony until that minute. He shook Tony's hand and said "Nice to meet you…again. Can I get you guys anything to drink?"  
  
"Perhaps later, Ness," said Jeff, "This isn't all about plesantries." Ness instinctivley cleared his throat. He never wanted to hear that phrase again, although he didn't voice his complaint to Jeff. Uninterruptted, Jeff continued, "We're doing a report on meteor rocks for our advanced astrology class, and I was wondering if you could lend us a hand."  
  
"Sure," said Ness, "You need to see BALLPARK-52?"  
  
"Precisely," said Jeff.  
  
*********  
  
The last student had been picked up. Paula was uncharacteristically glad for that, because she had never felt so relieved to be able to feel so depressed. She touched her fingers to her head. Her mind flashed back to that last day she talked to Ness, in person that is. They were standing there, in front of the preschool, thinking about all the adventure that was about to end. And that one thing that she wanted to tell Ness, but forgot about, but really didn't.  
  
  
She didn't have the courage to tell Ness how she felt. Maybe it was the same thing Ness was going through. Maybe she'll drop by later and apologize, tell him that she understood what was going on, tell him how she-no, just the apology would do.  
  
  
Paula looked outside. Across the street, a boy sat on a bench, staring into Paula's window. She smiled, her depression giving way to the joy of a familiar friend. She went downstairs and out the door, crossed the street, and sat down next to the boy on the park bench.  
The boy stared at her for a few seconds before Paula, without looking, smiled and said, "Poo, you still can't get past me."  
  
The boy spoke in an entirley recognizable Dalaamese accent. "Paula, one of these days, I will fool you."  
  
"Well," giggled Paula, "it sure isn't today." Poo smiled, his Mirror ability still in effect, stood up, and gave Paula a hug.  
  
"I missed you, old friend," said Poo.  
  
"What are you doing here?" said Paula.  
  
Poo broke the friendly embrace, and took his seat back, as did Paula. "Well," he said, "I have come to study abroad." Poo's eyes strayed to two brunettes talking and giggling amongst themselves as they walked down the street.  
  
"Indeed," said Paula. She knew those brunettes, and she leaned over to Poo and told him exactly what she knew.  
  
Poo felt sick from information overload. "That is the most disgraceful thing I've ever heard!"  
  
"Of course it is. Come on, Poo, if you wanted to find quality women, why didn't you study in Summers?"  
  
"You are quality enough, my dear friend," replied Poo. Paula let loose a girlish giggle before she saw the expression on Poo's face change to a seriousness that was usually reserved for talking about his culture. "I fear, however," he said, "that I am not just here to find a mate."  
  
Paula would have read Poo's mind, but she didn't need to. "You know about Ness' visit with…that bee guy. Did you catch his name when he told you about it?"  
  
"Actually, I do not know of this 'bee guy' you speak of. I do know, however, that our obligation as the Chosen Four is not yet fulfilled."  
  
"Ness told me all about it. He's not sure that he wants to go, though."  
  
"Ah," said Poo, "He is scared."  
  
"More of change than his life, I think."  
  
"Yes, this is a big responsibility. Are you not angry at him?"  
  
Paula sighed. "I was, but…I'm sort of in a similar situation."  
  
"You are scared as well?"  
  
"Yeah, but not of this. I want to do this…it's just…something else that I couldn't really explain to myself…"  
  
Poo looked into Paula's eyes. "You have feelings for him."  
  
*********  
  
Seton Hill hadn't changed since last summer. The meteorite there, which Onett's sole astronomer called "BALLPARK-52" because "it sounded pretty cool," had changed, of course, but that was because it had cooled down until it was just another hunk of rock. The mayor left it there, a sign of Onett's "strength and integrity." Of course, this meant absolutley nothing, but that was just a sign that the mayor hadn't changed, either.  
Ness, Jeff, and Tony journeyed to the top of Seton Hill and found the rock, the rock that started it all. Scientists were free to examine the meterorite as they pleased. If they wanted to take a chunk off of it, however, they would need a permit.  
Of course, however Ness could explain it, it still wouldn't get through to Jeff or Tony.  
"Ness, please understand," said Jeff, "In your public school system, it is your personality that counts. But in Snow Wood, your peers only care about your grades!"  
  
"OK," said Ness, "So go apply for a permit over at city hall!"  
  
"Are you mad?" asked Tony, "It'll take months before we can get that permit, what with all the bureaucracy-"  
  
"Don't the greatest minds struggle with a groundbreaking thesis for years?" retorted Ness, "I mean, wouldn't Snow Wood respect that?"  
  
"Ness," replied Jeff, putting an arm around Ness' shoulder, "We're Snow Wood students. We're supposed to make John Nash look like Russell Crowe."  
  
"Didn't Russell Crowe portray John Nash in A Beautiful Mind?" asked Ness, half-sarcastically.  
  
Jeff paused before saying, "Up yours." He took his arm away from Ness' shoulder and walked away from him.  
  
"Well, doesn't that technically mean that Russell Crowe already looks like John Nash?" called out Ness.  
  
"Up yours!" Jeff repeated.  
  
"HEY! What are you kids doing up here?"  
Ness, Jeff, and Tony turned around to find three uniformed Onett officers coming up behind them. They were wearing mirrored sunglasses, the kind that was supposed to intimidate you as you were being interrogated. "You have no right to be here!"  
  
"This is a park area," said Jeff, "We have every right-"  
  
The cops weren't impressed, so Ness stopped Jeff and motioned that he would take over. He walked up to the cops and said "Hey, how you doin'? My name's Ness Franklin."  
  
The lead cop took off his sunglasses. "So what's yer point?"  
  
Ness couldn't make that point. He couldn't make it because something suddenly didn't feel right.  
He saw it in the eyes. The eyes of the lead cop had a strange red glint to them that he couldn't explain. Looking at that glint made him uneasy, as if he was facing the devil himself. "I'm talkin' to you, boy! What's yer point?"  
  
Ness decided to speak. If he didn't talk soon, he sensed, a fight would have broken out. "Er, no," he said, "No point, I, uh, just wanted to introduce myself." He held out his hand as if he wanted to shake hands with the officer.  
  
"Get that outta here, son, and go run home to your family. That goes for the rest of ya!"  
  
Ness turned to Jeff and Tony. "Let's get out of here, we don't need a fight right now."  
  
"Ness," said Jeff, "didn't you beat the Onett-"  
  
"-Hammers in a baseball game," said Ness, turning back to the officers to save face, "You know, it was this little bet between me and my friends and the guys who play on that team, we made it last summer, and man, we wiped the floor with those guys. But, you know, that year's team sucked, I'm sure if I were to play them again, we'd have a much tighter game-"  
  
"Git!" screamed the lead officer.  
  
"Let's bounce, guys." Ness started down Seton Hill, followed by Tony.  
  
Jeff wouldn't leave until he said "Four-zero-zero-two. Your badge number. I promise that you'll be hearing from your captain-"  
  
"Jeff, step off!"  
  
"Bye, then." Jeff finally followed Ness and Tony. "What was that about?" said Jeff, as soon as the cops were out of earshot.  
  
"I don't know, Jeff," said Ness, "But there was something about those cops that I didn't like."  
  
"So?"  
  
"Didn't like, as in, something told me I didn't want to mess around with those guys."  
When Ness, Jeff, and Tony made it to Ness' house, Jeff immediatley jogged to the porch to greet Paula, standing there as if she was waiting for someone. They embraced as Jeff said "Of all the people I expected, you were near the bottom of the list!"  
  
"Same here, Jeff," said Paula, embracing him back. Jeff reintroduced her to Tony, and after they shook hands, Paula said, "Listen, I need to talk to Ness. Would you excuse us?"  
  
"Uhm, sure, of course."  
  
Ness rolled his eyes, wondering what else she could possibly have to say. He walked up to Jeff and gave him $70. "That should cover a night for you two at the hotel."  
  
"Thanks," said Jeff, "You were carrying this much cash?"  
  
"I was planning to go to the movies tonight with Michelle. You know, movies are just absurdly expensive here."  
  
"…Michelle?"  
  
"My girlfriend."  
  
"Oh, yeah, I remember you telling me about her. Have a good time."  
  
"Sure." Jeff and Tony said their goodbyes and took off, leaving Ness and Paula alone.  
They just stood there for a while, each one thinking about what they would say and when they would say it. Finally, Paula said, "We need to talk."  
  
"I didn't even say anything yet!"  
  
"Ness, don't be a jerk, OK? I wasn't going to come down on you!"  
  
"I get it, it's one of those insults-cleverly-disguised-as-a-compliment. Fire away, then."  
  
"When did you become so impossible?"  
  
"Ever since Buzz Buzz came back! I did my job, Paula, we did our jobs, and now all I want is a normal life! But he comes back, and suddenly, my world is turned upside down FOREVER!"  
  
"All right," said Paula, "You're scared! I know the feeling, Ness, believe me, I do, and that's why I'm here! I acted like a jerk over the phone, OK? I got too self-righteous for my own good and I'm sorry!  
"Look, the truth is, if you don't want to do this, I can't make you. Nobody can. But it's also the truth that without you, we're doomed. Please, Ness, let's do this."  
  
Ness let go of a slow breath that smoked in the cold December air. He closed his eyes for not more than a second, and opened them again. "I want to be the good guy, Paula. I so do. But I don't know if I can."  
  
"Maybe you shouldn't think about this right now," said Paula, "You said you were going to the movies with Michelle?"  
  
"Yeah, I am."  
  
"Go catch that movie," said Paula, "Forget about this for a while, OK?"  
  
Ness sighed. "Yeah, I will." He turned to walk away, then turned again. "I gotta stop at the ATM first before I grab my bike and pick up Michelle. You wanna come with?"  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah, I mean, other than our fight, it's really great to really see you."  
  
Paula's smile became wide, very wide. "It's good to see you too," she said.  
  
*********  
  
It was just like the adventure, without the pressure of having to save the world...well, sort of. Ness and Paula walked to the drug store, chatting it up about everything under the sun. Paula loved it, and she got the sense that Ness enjoyed it, too, although not as much as she would have liked. But it was OK. Michelle was OK-heck, she introduced him to her in the first place. All she cared about was that they cared about each other enough to be together, and if the care should only add up to friendship, at least she had-  
  
"WELCOME TO THE PARTY, KIDS! ON THE FLOOR, NOW!"  
Every thought that ran through Ness and Paula's mind had to do with the two people that held black guns and wore black clothes. The two people that noticed Ness and Paula the second they walked into the drugstore. The two people whose faces were hidden by rubber masks in the likenesses of Bill Clinton and George Bush.  
Ness noticed another thing about the two people. Their guns were police issue. He felt Paula nudge him as they sank to the floor. "Ness," she said, "This isn't going to end well for me."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Look, I need to tell you-"  
  
"SHUT YER DAMN TRAPS RIGHT NOW!" Bill Clinton marched over to Ness and Paula and pointed his gun directly into their faces. Ness recognized the accent. It was the cop on Seton Hill. He even got that same uneasy feeling around him. What clinched it for him was the red glint that he could see through the eyeholes of the mask.  
If it wasn't going to end well for Paula if things kept up like this, then he had to do something unexpected. Something completely stupid, yet completely smart…  
  
When Bill Clinton turned away, he said "It's OK, man, it's OK, I'm just here to play the Eagleland Win 4." He stood up and attracted both Bill and George's attentions. They pointed their guns at him. "Hey, look, I'm just gonna give my man the numbers, then I'll be off, OK?"  
  
"HIT THE FLOOR OR HIT THE GRAVE, PUNK!" screamed George.  
  
"Look, Mr...what's your name?" asked Ness.  
  
Bill pointed his gun at the clerk while George kept his gun on Ness. "Answer that and you're a dead man!" The clerk nodded.  
  
"It's all right, just memorize these numbers, I'll pick up the ticket in half an hour."  
  
"SHUT UP!"  
  
"My numbers are four-zero-zero-two! My favorite cop's badge number!"  
  
Bill glared at him. "Are you completely retarded?"  
  
"Do I have your attention now, Deputy Dumbass?"  
  
"SMOKE THIS GUY!"  
  
Paula jumped up and screamed "No!"  
  
"Paula, get back down," said Ness, as Bill pointed a gun at Paula and George started for Ness, "it'll be cool, OK? Promise." Paula laid back onto the floor, hands above her head.  
Ness was pushed onto his knees in front of Paula. He felt the muzzle of George's gun against his temple. "Anything you want to say to your girlfriend before you go?" said George.  
  
"She's not my girlfriend, but there is something I want to say to you."  
  
"Yeah?" laughed George, "What's that?"  
  
Ness smiled. "You don't want to do this."  
  
"Why not?" mocked George, "I'll live to regret it?"  
  
"Who said you were going to live?" Ness suddenly grabbed the muzzle of the gun and sent a surge of PSI Rockin' through his arm. The gun exploded in their hands, and George was thrown backward into the wall.  
Bill cocked his gun, but Paula sprang up and put her hands on the muzzle, too. The gun frosted over, and so did Bill's hands. Bill swung his arms, hitting Paula on the temple. She fell to the floor, still concious, still ready to put up a fight.  
Meanwhile, George was starting to recover from the recoil of the gun explosion. Ness remembered something his teacher said about the Gulf War, about how psycholgical warfare would be used to intimidate the enemy. Ness thought it might be a good idea. He opened his hand to George, showing the skin of his palm torn apart by the blast. He used PSI Healing, and let George watch the wounds magically heal themselves as he marched toward him. Ness couldn't see the expression on George's face, but he was quivering and that was all Ness needed to know. When he was close enough, Ness closed his hand to make a fist, and knocked George back to the floor with a heavy overhand right. He didn't move after that one, and Ness assumed that he fainted.  
He looked over at Bill and Paula a few feet away. Bill made an attempt to kick Paula while she was down, but Paula grabbed the foot and pulled Bill to the ground. Paula stood up, rolled Bill onto his stomach, grabbed the strand of rubber that held the mask to his face, pulled it, and snapped it back onto his skull. Bill howled in pain, but got back on his knees and knocked Paula to her back.  
"Bat!" commanded Ness. The drugstore owner threw Ness a cracked bat, and he broke it over Bill's back. He went back to the ground again.  
"Ness," said Paula, "These guys are done."   
  
"OK," said Ness, "let's throw 'em away." Ness grabbed George by the ear and led him to the door. Paula did the same to Bill. They opened the drugstore doors to find a single squad car to give the two assailants to.  
The cop standing near the squad car jumped and grabbed his radio. "This is Parker! Get the SWAT team, get the helicopter, get ever cop car within the city limits to the Onett Pharamacy! It's HIM!"  
  
Paula looked at Ness. "Relax, guy," said Ness, "I'm not gonna hurt anybody. It was those guys that we threw to the ground."  
  
"Oh," said Parker, "Er, I knew that." Parker grabbed his radio and recinded his request. It was ten-foured.  
  
"What are you guys talking about?" asked Paula  
  
Ness looked at Paula and said "I'll explain later."  
  
*********  
  
Bill and George, whose real names were, respectivley, John Bayris and Mitchell Swackheimer, were taken into custody. As John was being led into the back of a squad car, Ness looked at John's eyes and found that the red glint had disappeared from his eyes.  
This had not been a normal week thus far.  
Paula came up to Ness and asked if he was all right.  
  
"Yeah," said Ness, "I just remembered seeing a red glint in one of the eyes of the bad guys."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah, that's how I knew who those guys were. They went after me on Seton Hill earlier that afternoon. Actually, it was right before I met up with you."  
  
"Odd…did Jeff see it?"  
  
"That's a good question."  
Ness' dad gave Ness a full functioning cell phone when he got back from his adventure, and took his old reciever phone away. He never had to use it for an outgoing call, but today would be a good day to test it out. He dialed 411, and asked to be connected to the Onett Hotel. When he got the conciarge on the phone, he said "Good evening, sir, is there a Jeff Andonuts or Tony Matheson staying at your hotel?"  
  
"Hold on, sir." He heard some classical music, which was pleasing for a while, but he eventually had to imagine Five Iron Frenzy playing it in order to keep his cool. After waiting for three minutes, the conciarge picked back up. "Sir? There is a Jeff Andonuts staying here."  
  
"Thanks, could you connect me to him please?"  
  
"Certainly."  
  
More waiting, another imaginary concert by Five Iron Frenzy. Finally, "Jeff Andonuts here."  
  
"Jeff, it's Ness."  
  
"Ness, how are you? Is everything all right?"  
  
"I don't know. That cop we dealt with earlier?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You don't have to worry about filing a report. He was just arrested for armed robbery."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Yeah, he and his partner held up the drugstore I was in at the time."  
  
"Wha--? I don't understand! Why would a cop knock over a drugstore, of all places?"  
  
"I don't get it either, but maybe you can help. Did you see a red glint in his eye when you confronted him?"  
  
"A red glint? That's imposs…rather, I'm afraid not."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"I'm positive, his eyes looked normal. Perhaps you were seeing things?"  
  
"No, Jeff, I'm positive too. That's a problem. Look, I'll talk to you tomorrow, maybe I can sort this out…" Suddenly, Ness realized that it didn't have to be sorted out. There was already someone with all the answers.  
  
"OK, Ness, I guess I'll see you then…Ness? Ness?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm here. Listen, scratch that, and meet me at the front desk of the hotel in about five minutes."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I'll explain there. Just get dressed and meet me at the front. Leave Tony, this has nothing to do with him."  
  
"Is this a Chosen Four thing?"  
  
"Yeah, it is."  
  
"Maybe I should go back and get my gun."  
  
"One thing at a time, Jeff, don't get excited."  
  
"Then I'll see you at the front desk in about five minutes." Jeff hung up and so did Ness.  
Ness turned to Paula and said "Call Poo. He needs to meet us here pronto."  
  
"Is this considered 'pronto?'" said a voice behind Ness. He spun around and found Poo, ready for action.  
  
"Poo!" said Ness. He gave Poo a brotherly hug. "It's great to see you again."  
  
"As it is to see you, Ness," said Poo, "Where are we going?"  
  
"To the hotel. There's a guy there that may be able to give us a hand with whatever the hell's going on here. Jeff's already there, so we'll meet up with him."  
  
"OK," said Poo. He, Ness, and Paula walked to the hotel.  
"So," said Paula, on the way to the hotel, "You already made a decision as to what you're gonna do?"  
  
"Just like I said to Jeff," replied Ness, "One thing at a time. I need to know what's going on. From there, we'll see."  
  
"When are you supposed to meet Michelle?"  
  
"In about an hour. I'll make it."  
  
"That's good."  
They came to the front of the hotel. Ness looked at Paula, who looked at him back. He turned to Poo, who continued to stare at the hotel doors. He took a heavy breath. "All we're looking for is answers," said Ness, "We're not committing to anything yet." He took another look at Paula and Poo, with their determined faces, and dedided to correct himself. "I'm not committing to anything yet."  
  
"Ness," said Paula, "Once you hear what this guy has to say, you may not want to turn back."  
  
"I never wanted to turn back. All I want is courage. If I can't turn away, I'll be very happy."  
  
"Well then," said Poo, "Let us hope that we may find some courage inside."  
  
They walked into the hotel. 


	2. C'mon C'mon

"Well," said Ness, hanging out at the front desk with Paula and Poo, "I did say five minutes. You know how Jeff is." They had arrived at the front desk three minutes after Ness called Jeff and told him to meet at the front desk.  
  
"So," asked Paula, "What were you going to see with Michelle tonight?"  
  
"Gangs of New York."  
  
"Really? Michelle's interested in that movie?"  
  
"Well, it was directed by Martin Scorcese."  
  
"Oh yeah, should've known. One of Michelle's big five."  
  
"Big five?" asked Poo.  
  
"Michelle's a bit of a movie geek," explained Paula, "She likes most films, but she'll go nuts over certain movies directed by one of her 'Big Five' - that is, Kevin Smith, Paul Thomas Anderson, Quentin Tarantino, John Woo, and Martin Scorcese."  
  
"John Woo? She likes John Woo?"  
  
"I know, I know you hate him, Poo," said Paula, with a smile.  
  
"I do not hate him," said Poo, "I just find that his move to conventional American cinema helped turned the fight, which easterners like myself consider a sacred artform, into a commercial vehicle for Americans. I cannot buy into that, I am afraid."  
  
"Well," said Ness, "If it makes you feel better, Michelle's more into John Woo's Hong Kong years. Once a Thief, The Killer, Hard Boiled, Bullet in the Head-and God forbid she finds out that someone in this world has never heard of A Better Tomorrow."  
  
Around this time, Jeff finally showed up. After giving Poo a strong hug, he asked what was up.  
  
"Apparently, our story as the Chosen Four hasn't hit the 'happily ever after' part just yet," said Ness, "In fact, it probably never will."  
  
"OK, so who are we going after this time?"  
  
"We're about to find out," said Ness. He turned to the concierge and asked, "Is there someone named Aldrin staying at your hotel?"  
  
"Are you Ness?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah, Ness Franklin."  
  
"He's expecting all four of you. Room 171, I'll let him know you're here."  
  
"Thank you, sir." They all walked to room 171.  
  
"By the way," asked Jeff, "What were you talking about earlier?"  
  
"John Woo," said Paula.  
  
"Never heard of him," said Jeff.  
  
"When you meet Michelle," said Ness, "make sure she doesn't find out."  
---  
  
The room was a dazzling white. White furniture, white bed, white carpet, white walls. Buzz Buzz was sitting there dressed in black casual clothes. Obviously, he was trying to stand out, as if the ability to change from human to insect and back again wasn't differentiating enough. "Come in," he said, the door wide open to the four teenagers. Ness and company walked in, Poo shutting the door behind him.  
  
"Buzz Buzz," said Ness, "Allow me to introduce you to the rest of the Chosen Four. This is Paula Polestar, Jeff Andonuts, and Prince Poo Mishinta."  
  
"It is quite the honor to meet you all," said Buzz Buzz, "But please, Buzz Buzz is not my real name."  
  
"Really?" asked Ness, "Why didn't you tell me your real name before?"  
  
"Even I must admit that a talking insect would be quite a shock to you. Imagine the shock of a talking insect introducing himself as Matthew Norris."  
  
"...well, yeah, that would've been a lot weirder, but I'm talking about when you scared the cra-I mean, the heck out of me on Sunday night."  
  
Buzz Buzz-rather, Matthew Norris, smiled. "You never asked," he stated.  
  
"Well, did I ask just now?"  
  
"Ness!" shot Paula, speaking a silent command to get on with it already.  
  
"OK, OK, look, I'm here because I have a few questions about this new destiny."  
  
"Go on, then."  
  
Ness told Norris about the red glint in the eye of the cop, and how he and his partner tried to knock off the drugstore, and how the glint went out when he and Paula took them down.  
  
Norris, who didn't look the least bit fazed, invited the four to have a seat wherever they could find one, and then he began to explain. "When you went on your adventure, several animals and humans attacked you. This is because they were under Giygas' influence. Now that Giygas is defeated, you would think that they would return to normal. This, unfortunately, is not the case.  
  
"Some people were under such a strong influence, that they couldn't go back to normal when Giygas was removed from the equation. Therefore, they're still under his influence. This influence, as usual, has to be beaten out of the person. In some cases, you may have to kill or permanently lock up someone under the influence."  
  
"Wh.what?" Ness asked, in a state of panic.  
  
"It shouldn't be too many, so don't worry about it too much. Trust me, those lives that must be taken, you will want to take."  
  
"How could you want to take a life?" asked Paula.  
  
"You have not yet known such hatred. But you will one day, I promise."  
  
"OK," said Ness, "But lets focus on who we don't want to kill. What about what I went through with that cop? How come I was able to see that glint when Jeff couldn't?"  
  
"It's a skill that only you, the Chosen Boy, have developed in preparation for this mission. Before, when Giygas was living to control those who he influenced, you would know who was under Giygas' control by who attacked you.   
  
"Now that Giygas no longer has control over those he influenced.just imagine having such evil in your heart, as well as having free will to do what you wish with it. Say what you will about Giygas, but the fact that he focused his efforts into having you disposed of and slowly preparing for his special brand of doomsday kept those he influenced in check. Now that he's not telling them what to do anymore...   
  
"I apologize for beating around the bush, Ness. The point is, they're busy committing other, more terrible crimes; they're not going to bother with you. So you have developed the talent to spot those influenced-we'll call the influence GIS. You saw a red glint-you'll see two others, blue and black. Each color indicates a stage of GIS. Stage 1 is indicated by a blue glint. They can be saved with PSI Flash, that is, if they're willing to be saved. The red glint indicates the most common stage, Stage 2, and has to be beaten until you see the glint go out, indicating that they have lost Giygas' influence. The black glint, Stage 3, may require lockup or murder, as I've stated. The deed must be done posthaste, however, because people with Stage 3 can give others GIS Stage 1 merely by coming in physical contact with them or speaking to them, and lesser stages can develop into greater stages in various amounts of time." Jeff slowly raised his hand. "Go ahead, Jeff."  
  
"Yeah, uh, question. How many people are influenced?"  
  
"The number of those with GIS Stage 3, worldwide, is about two million. One billion worldwide have Stage 1, two billion have the more common Stage 2." Upon hearing those figures, the one picture that leapt to Jeff's mind was the face plant that they do all the time in humorous anime. "Jeff, do not worry," continued Norris, "Our researchers in the future, whom we call the Post-Giygas Cleanup Crew, figured that the world outside of Eagleland can work itself out, although fate will bring you to locations outside of Eagleland where you are needed. That's the good news. The bad news is that for reasons which we can't figure out yet, Eagleland is a prime breeding ground for GIS, and you are all that stands between the state of Eagleland and Ground Zero for Doomsday."   
  
"Jesus," said Paula. Ness nodded. If Paula was calling out to the son of God, she must think that there's a big problem.  
  
That was all that Ness needed. At that moment, he found his courage. "Count me in." He looked at Paula, who wore a proud smile.  
  
"Yeah," she said, "I'm in too."  
  
"I never let Ness down in the past," said Jeff, "it would be absurd to stop now."  
  
"I have already come to face this destiny," said Poo.   
  
"Excellent," said Norris, "In that case, I wish you all the best of luck. I'm still here physically for the next twelve days, but I'll always contact you through telepathy when I sense you to be in emotional distress."  
  
Ness extended his hand to shake Norris's hand. "It was especially good to see you again, no matter what bad news you brought me."  
  
"Ha!" said Norris, "I know what you're going through."  
  
"Yeah, yeah. My psychic powers are no match for yours." Norris said nothing. He just gave Ness a wan smile and went to shake Paula's hand. He shook Jeff's hand, and finally he shook Poo's hand. Then the four left the hotel room, ready to accept their new destiny.  
  
---  
  
"OK," said Paula, as they left the hotel, "We're the defenders of the Earth again. Where do we start?"  
  
As if Paula's words were some kind of cue, Ness' cell phone rang. He picked it up and said, "Hello?"  
  
"Hey, Ness, it's Michelle!"  
  
"Michelle, hey, how are you?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm OK, I'm-HEY! GET BACK HERE!"  
  
"Michelle?"  
  
The other end was quiet for about a minute. All Ness could hear was wind. Finally, the wind died down and Michelle Walker, breathing heavily, said "Damn it! Some guy just made off with my new dice!"  
  
"Wait, your dice?"  
  
"For D and D, I just bought them! DAMN IT!"  
  
"Why would somebody steal your dice?"  
  
"Because they were in my purse!"  
  
"Jesus, that's terrible!" Ness looked at the others and gave them the thumbs up. "Did you get a good look at the guy?"  
  
"No, he wore a mask! For the love of.why didn't I notice him? A guy in a face mask is ALWAYS looking for trouble! Stupid, stupid, stupid!"  
  
"Michelle, calm down! This could happen to anybody, OK?"  
  
"I'm OK now, I'm OK. Look, Ness, don't get worked up over this, OK? It's really not a big deal."  
  
"That explains the sailor mouth."  
  
"Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle, chuckle. Look, the point is, I'll calm down, I'll get some new dice. Besides, I don't even know where the guy went."  
  
"All right," said Ness, slightly disappointed, "Why'd you call originally?"  
  
"Tommy and Gina can't make it to the movies tonight. Is Paula interested?"  
  
"Hang on," Ness put his hand over the microphone of the cell phone and said "Paula, you know how Michelle's dad won't let her go out alone?"  
  
"Yeah, what's up?"  
  
"Tommy and Gina can't double date with me and Michelle tonight. Are you down for Gangs of New York?"  
  
"Yeah, sure."  
  
"Anyone else want to come along? Jeff? Poo?"  
  
"I must report the situation back to my father," said Poo, "It appears that I am in no position to leave Eagleland for an extended amount of time, and this means preparations must be made for me to leave home."  
  
"That's a good point," said Ness, "Jeff, maybe you should think about leaving Snow Wood. I hate to say it, but-"  
  
"Agreed, wholly agreed. I'm raring to go," said Jeff.  
  
"Wow," said Ness, "What about Gangs, you wanna come?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
Ness went back to his cell phone. "Yo, Michelle, Paula and another friend of mine, Jeff, can come."  
  
"Great!" said Michelle, "I really didn't want to call this movie off. You know how psyched I am for tonight."  
  
"Yes I do," said Ness, "OK, I'll see you in twenty minutes. Love you. Sorry about the purse."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, be sorry for the dice. I love you too." Michelle hung up, and so did Ness.  
  
"What was the thumbs up for?" asked Paula.  
  
"Michelle's purse was stolen. Thought it might be someone with GIS that we could get our hands on." He chuckled. "You know, I never thought I'd be happy to know a purse snatcher was on the loose."  
  
"Oh, wait till my purse is snatched, Ness," said Paula, "Trust me, you'll regret saying those words."  
  
"OK, let's save it," said Jeff, "We've got a movie to catch. See you later, Poo!"  
  
"I will see you all soon!" Poo teleported away.  
  
---  
  
The Dalaam palace glowed in the bright sunlight. The royal guards saw their crown prince arrive, and they made sure to let all of Dalaam hear "HAIL PRINCE POO, HEIR TO THE KING, FOR HE HAS RETURNED!" There was no need for heavy security, no need for the guards to have weapons. The most skilled assasins dared not touch the crown prince, or any member of the royal family for that matter. This was mostly out of respect, but the fear element was there as well. God help the man that harms one hair on the head of any member of the Mishinta dynasty.  
  
Prince Poo walked the corridors of the palace until he reached the throne room. He bowed toward the guard who let him enter. There sat his father, serene as the ripples on an ocean surface. "Father," said Poo, "I fear that this new task set before me may jeopardize our dynasty."  
  
"Our dynasty," said the King, "Will not be worth preservation if the universe it is situated in is on the brink of destruction." He said all this with the serenity still present. "Do you fear for your life?"  
  
"No, father," said Poo, "I fear that I will not return. I must stay in Eagleland at all costs. I may leave it for shortened amounts of time, but not long enough to fulfill my duties here. If I am to accept what fate has laid before me, the throne cannot be passed down to me. Whether you are disappointed or proud, I must accept this fate."  
  
"Yes," said the King, "You must. Now is not the time for survival, it is the time for sacrifice. There are things more imporant than power. How can one enjoy power when he controls nothing?"  
  
"I appreciate your support, father."  
  
"The throne will continue on to your cousin, Omar, then. I will make it known before the last light of day. Tomorrow, we shall have a feast in your honor to wish you luck in your great journey."  
  
"May I invite the others?"  
  
"It would be a great honor to be in their presence."  
  
---  
  
The movie got out at 10. Ness, Paula, Jeff, and Michelle strolled out of the theater, talking about the movie at great length. They all seemed to agree that the movie was very good. Michelle was very partial to it, as expected, but Jeff looked like he was ready to float away at any second. Perhaps, Ness thought, Jeff was starting to get something that had been shut out to him for a long time.  
  
On the way to Michelle's house, the talking about the movie came to a standstill. Michelle brushed away her shoulder-length brown hair from her thin blue eyes with her hand, looked around, smiled, and said, "You know, I never realized Twoson was so beautiful at night. It will vanish one day, that's for sure."  
  
Ness and Paula smiled at that one, but Jeff was stupid enough to say "That's an interesting observation."  
  
Everybody stopped in their tracks. Ness and Paula looked at each other at that moment. Their mouths said nothing. Their faces said "Oh, crap."  
  
Michelle looked at Jeff dumbfoundedly. "You've never seen A Better Tomorrow?"  
  
"I, uh...no."  
  
"The quintessential Hong Kong movie. My prerequiste for any friend of mine is that they must see this movie."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah, Jeff," said Ness, "It's an insane movie."  
  
"I saw it too," said Paula, "You'll.yeah, you'll like it."  
  
"First stop, my house, so I can loan you the DVD. Wait, you have a DVD player?"  
  
"Even better," said Jeff, "I have this device that reads discs that are two inches wide-"  
  
"Jeff," said Ness, "Do you have a DVD player or not?"  
  
"Yeah," said Jeff, "Yeah, I do."  
  
"Good, then I'll let you borrow the DVD."  
  
"You know, I'll just get it at Mr. Movie or something."  
  
"HA! If you can get A Better Tomorrow at Mr. Movie, I will pay you double the price of rental. Come on."  
  
It was a short walk to Michelle's house, three blocks away from the theater. It was a simple Levitt house, a car in the driveway - a beat up station wagon with an NRA bumper sticker on it. "I'll be right back," said Michelle. She walked into the house while Ness, Paula, and Jeff waited.  
  
"You know," said Jeff, "She's not a bad person."  
  
"Not at all," said Ness, "one of the nicest girls I ever met."  
  
"Hey, why didn't Michelle's parents pick us up?"  
  
"Eh, they don't feel like it," said Paula.  
  
"Wait, they don't care to give her a lift from the movie theater, but if you and her should go see a movie alone, there's a problem," observed Jeff, "Am I the only one who finds this hilarious? Even MY dad shows concern that he doesn't spend a lot of time with me."  
  
"You know," said Ness, "I never thought about that."  
  
"Yeah," said Paula, "She never brings stuff like that up. I don't know what it is, but the whole parental issue doesn't seem to bother her."  
  
"Odd..." thought Jeff, aloud.  
  
There was silence between the two until Michelle came back, a DVD case in hand. "Here you go," she said, handing the DVD case to Jeff, "Enjoy it. Although you have a serious problem if you don't." She turned to Ness and kissed him. "I'll see you later," she said.  
  
"Love you," said Ness.  
  
"Love you too." Michelle turned to Paula and said, "I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"You got it," said Paula.  
  
"Great meeting you, Jeff," said Michelle, now turning to him. She shook his hand.  
  
"Good meeting you, too," said Jeff. Michelle, with that, walked back into the house.  
  
It was soon after this that they heard a single voice in their head. Ness, Paula, Jeff, said the voice that belonged to Poo, I'm being honored in the Palace tomorrow at the last light of day, which is around five o'clock, my time. I would consider it an honor if you could come.  
  
"Must be his exit reception or something," observed Jeff.  
  
"OK," said Ness. He converted Dalaamese time into Eastern Standard Time and said, "We leave tomorrow at 11 PM."  
  
"Yikes," said Paula, who closed her eyes and told Poo, Of course we'll be there.  
  
---  
  
Wednesday marked the first day of winter break. This is never a bad thing to a fourteen year old, but it was especially relieving to Ness, Paula, and Jeff, who would need the extra rest for Poo's reception.  
  
At 10:55, Paula and Jeff arrived at Ness's house, where they teleported to Dalaam. When they arrived, they put their hands up to their eyes instinctivley, for the unexpected brightness of the sun had blinded them for a short amount of time. "You know," Ness remarked as soon as his vision returned, "I was never a fan of international travel, but this really is a nice place."  
  
"I like it, too," said Paula. They entered the Dalaam palace.  
  
The inner sanctum of the palace was festivley decorated. An abundance of food that explained the problem of world hunger was on the table, with the King of Dalaam at the head ot it, his son, Poo, next to him. There was another boy, on the other side of the King, who looked at Ness-  
  
"Hey," said Ness, "See that guy next to the king?"  
  
"Yeah, Ness," said Jeff, sarcastically, "Don't be embarassed, his name is Poo."  
  
"Jeff, for a guy with a high IQ, you can be a complete dumbass sometimes."  
  
"Thank you," said Jeff, who took a mock bow as Paula pinged Ness on his temple.  
  
"Ow!" said Ness, rubbing the temple of his head inconspicuously, "As I was saying, I was talking about the other guy next to the king. He has GIS!"  
  
"What level?" asked Paula.  
  
"It looks like Level Two. It's a red glint."  
  
"Well, what are we waiting for?" asked Paula, "Let's tell Poo."  
  
As Ness, Paula, and Jeff approached the banquet table, Poo saw them and whispered something into his father's ear. The King of Dalaam raised his arms to his sides, silently commanding silence. He got it a split second after his arms froze in position.  
  
"My people," said the King, "As you know, you are all here in celebration of your prince, my only son, Poo. He is leaving us to go on a great journey in order to guarantee the safety of ourselves and our brothers and sisters around this good Earth. I present to you the three others he will go on this journey with. Ness Franklin, Paula Polestar, and Jeff Andonuts. Honor them as you honor your Prince, and the new heir to the Kingdom, Omar."  
  
Ness's eyes shrank at that moment. His jaw would have dropped, but he didn't want to alert the whole kingdom. This was because as the King mentioned the new heir to the throne, he pointed to the other person next to him.  
  
Paula and Jeff read his mind. "Uh-oh," the three of them said, in perfect sync, as the attendees of the banquet applauded Ness, Paula, Jeff, Poo, and the adventure they were set to embark on.  
  
Poo then approached the three of them, and bowed. "Poo!" whispered Ness, "The heir to the throne, Omar, he's GIS Level Two!"  
  
"What?" Poo whispered back.  
  
"We have to fight him!" said Jeff.  
  
"If we touch him, we will die by the sword, no matter who we are!"  
  
"My son," said the King, "Is there any request you would like to make before we send you off?"  
  
Poo looked at Ness and gave a quick nod to him. He turned around to face his father. "Father," he said, "I look around this room, and although all here wish me a safe journey, I sense that there is a great sadness amongst my people. I wish to leave this country while it is in smiles. Therefore, I request a public spar with Omar."  
  
There was a slight collective gasp, but Omar seemed all smiles. "It would be my pleasure, cousin," he said.  
  
"So it shall be done," said the King, "What do we fight to?"  
  
"To the word of my friend Ness," said Poo.  
  
"Fine," said Omar.  
  
"Anyone who wishes to witness this battle will follow me to the sparring room." Of course, everyone was raring to watch. They followed the King and his combatants like sheep.  
  
---  
  
The royal sparring room was but a simple, rectangular room with padding on the floors and mirrors on the walls. The king entered first, followed by Poo and Omar, followed by Ness, Paula, and Jeff, followed by the rest of the crowd. The king stood at the head of the sparring room, a symbol of serenity, flanked by Paula and Jeff. The rest of the crowd leaned against the walls of the sparring room, with the exception of Ness, Poo, and Omar, who stood at the center. Poo and Omar faced each other while Ness stood between them, hovering just outside their personal space.  
  
"Any rules that you guys want to make at the last minute, now's the time."  
  
"No weapons, no Mu," said Omar, "Hand to hand combat, strictly."  
  
That's how Poo knew that Omar had lost it. "Do not say such words," said Poo, "Mu is how we live our day to day life, even through simple sparring."  
  
"Fine," said Omar, "no special powers channeled through Mu, then."  
  
"Agreed," said Poo.  
  
"OK," said Ness, "No weapons or PSI. Poo, are you ready?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Omar, are you ready?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Ness remained silent for a few seconds to build up tension. Yet no one complained, no one broke a sweat. They were like machines, waiting for the one variable that would put their code into action. Ness activated the variable and said "Go!"  
  
Poo threw the first punch, which Omar blocked. Poo tried a kick to the midsection immediatley after, but that was blocked too. Poo tried to punch with his other hand-another block, as Omar moved backwards to absorb the kinetic energy running through the both of them. Poo jumped and lashed out with another kick which missed its mark. Poo made another leap, this time with a spinning roundhouse which Omar ducked under. As he landed, Poo kept his roundhouse foot in the air and lashed out with another punch. Omar bent backwards and caught the punch. Poo pulled Omar toward him and, with the foot that still hung in the air, kicked Omar again. Again, it was blocked, and Omar unleashed an assault of his own.  
  
He kicked Poo with his left foot, which was blocked. Then he kicked with his right foot, which hit Poo right in the gut. Poo went down to one knee, his fist still held by Omar. Omar went for another kick, but Poo blocked it and pulled Omar over his head and threw him down. Omar let go of Poo's hand, but Poo grabbed Omar's hand now. Omar tried to kick him in the face, but Poo grabbed the foot, and, holding hand and foot, tossed Omar to the side. He flew seven feet before hitting the ground. The crowd applauded.  
  
Ness checked Omar's eyes. The red glint was gone. "That's it!" he called, and the crowd burst into heavier applause.  
  
Poo called out to Omar telepathically. Omar! Are you okay?  
  
Omar responded, sounding dazed and confused. I am here, but.what happened?  
  
You were under an evil spell, said Poo, and now, you are free to rule in my place as the Prince of Dalaam.  
  
Bless you, said Omar.  
  
---  
  
The time finally came to say goodbye. Poo went up to his father and kneeled before him. "My son," he said, "You have grown to become a warrior already. No warrior should fight without a proper weapon."  
  
With that, the King took out a sheathed sword. He slowly unsheathed it, revealing the golden blade of the sword that had slain a million enemies. He gave the sheath to Omar, who casually tossed it to Poo. Poo tied the sheath around his waist, and received the Sword of Kings ceremoniously. "May Mu be with you," said the King.  
  
Poo took it and faced the crowd. He spun the sword around his hand before sheathing it. He then spoke.  
  
"My friends," he said, "Do not be upset. I may not return to reclaim the kingdom any time soon. But I will return, that I promise, for this is my home. And no matter how many houses I may live in, this will always be my home."  
  
With that, Omar stood and proclaimed "HAIL PRINCE POO! PRINCE OF DALAAM AND TRUE HEIR TO THE THRONE!"  
  
"HAIL PRINCE POO!" chanted the crowd, as Ness, Paula, and Jeff flanked Poo and walked out of the palace.  
  
"Are you OK, Poo?" asked Paula.  
  
"I carry with me my memories, and the spirit of Dalaam" said Poo, "It is enough."  
  
"Well," said Ness, "You'll also need a roof over your head. You wanna crash with me until you work something out?"  
  
"It is fine," said Poo, "I already have a place to stay."  
  
"I'll take you house-hunting tomorrow," said Paula.  
  
"Which reminds me," said Jeff, "I gotta transfer out of Snow Wood tomorrow."  
  
"Well," said Ness, "I'll drop you all off so you guys can rest up. It seems we have a big day lined up for tomorrow."  
  
They teleported away.  
  
---  
  
Jeff was in Winters, Paula and Poo were sleeping and getting ready for tomorrow, Michelle was probably playing Counter-Strike, and that left Ness all alone to do what he wished. His wish would have to wait, though, because at that moment the phone rang.  
  
Ness picked it up on the first ring. "It's one o'clock in the morning. Whoever this is, get a life."  
  
"Ness...er...it's your father."  
  
"OH!" exclaimed Ness, careful not to wake Mom and Tracy, "Dad, what are you calling for so late at night? Is everything OK?"  
  
"Er...well...see..."  
  
There was another pickup just then. "Hey, sexy," said the voice.  
  
"Mom?" asked Ness, "Mom, what's up?"  
  
"WAH! Ness, what-"  
  
"Er," said Ness's dad, "Son, let me explain. See, when two people want to be.close to each other, but they can't be, they...they try certain...um...things."  
  
Ness took a second to put it together before he wished he didn't. "NO!" he exclaimed through clenched teeth. He suddenly didn't care who heard it, just as long as it was known that "I DON'T WANNA HEAR THIS!"  
  
"Ness, I'm sorry, but could you excuse us?" asked Mom.  
  
"Wait," said Dad, "I don't think I can do this right now. We'll try again another time."  
  
"OK, sweetheart, you're right."  
  
"It's nice to resolve something without arguing for once."  
  
That statement, to Ness, made Dad's excuse for the late night call sound relativley normal. "For ONCE?" he inquired.  
  
There was silence on the other two ends until Mom said "Ness, why don't you talk to your father for a little bit? Love you, boys. Ness, come up soon!" She hung up.  
  
There was an awkward silence between father and son before Dad said "So...how's life over on your end?"  
  
"It's been nuts. 'For once?' Are you and Mom having problems?"  
  
"Every relationship has problems, Ness, but it's late. Let's not talk about it now. Maybe tomorrow, when it can be explained better."  
  
"Yeah...yeah, OK, then. As for me.yeah, I'm going on another adventure with the guys."  
  
"That's good to hear. How's Michelle doing?"  
  
"Michelle's OK, she's doing good. We, uh, we went to see Gangs of New York last night."  
  
"I saw that. I'll tell you, if that doesn't get an Oscar, then the whole thing is rigged."  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
There was another awkward pause until Dad said "Everything OK?"  
  
"It's fine," lied Ness, "I'm just tired, let's talk more tomorrow or something."  
  
"OK," said Dad, "Let me have Mom back."  
  
"...sure." Ness was hesitant. There were some things even a teenager shouldn't know about his parents, and this was one of them. "I'm going to put you on hold and tell Mom to pick up. Love you."  
  
"Love you too."  
  
Ness hit the "hold" button and hung up the phone. He went upstairs, and told Mom to pick up. He then went into his room and changed into his pajamas. He could hear his mother's voice from across the hall, hushed, yet firm. And angry, very angry.  
  
What a crazy week. 


	3. Six Million Ways to Live

(A/N: I just wanted to thank everyone that gave me positive feedback on this series. I also wanted to give credit where credit is due: Dave Wright did a divine job editing episodes 1 and 2, and for episode 3, Jay3983 lends his gifted hand as well. While I am largely responsible for what you have been reading, Dave and Jay made sure that I didn't drop the ball. And another special thanks to Loma for help with the roleplay scene. Kthxbyby! :D)

Friday morning. The sun would soon shine through the venetian blinds of the first floor of the Franklin house, creating a soft golden light that would illuminate the rooms within. Once upon a time, Ness would never be able to find the beauty in such an event. Insomnia can have a funny way of showing you beauty, sometimes.

He was sitting on the couch, watching a paid advertisement by Mr. Ron Popeil, when he noticed the sunshine seep through the blinds for the first time. Before he realized it, noticing turned to watching. He turned off the television and just enjoyed the serenity brought by the light.

Serenity. Perhaps that is what he really needed. It has been proven repeatedly that tension is one of the top causes of insomnia. From now on, he, Paula, Jeff, and Poo were the defenders of the balance between good and evil. A balance that, if upset, could destroy humankind. A titanic responsibility like that has been known to make a person uncomfortable, especially when that person is 14 years old. Even moreso when, the night said responsibility was bestowed upon him, said 14-year-old had found out that his parents may or may not be splitting up after a blown phone sex session.

He knew he would get over it, though. After all, he got over the war against Giygas, and it was only a matter of time before he treated this like just another part of childhood; birth, crawling, standing, walking, puberty, saving the world from unspeakable evil, prom, college. Simple as that.

Until then, how was he going to sleep? If he could not sleep, how would he occupy himself? There was only so much Ron Popeil even he could take, let alone the rest of humanity.

He did have some PSI power left, despite his lack of rest. Paula had been training him in the art of clairvoyance. She challenged Ness to figure out where she was every time they talked over the phone or through each other's minds. At first, he drew blanks. Then he saw a hazy picture in his head. Then the picture became clearer and clearer as Ness got better and better at it. As they talked, Ness saw Paula picking up groceries, laying on her bed, playing with the children. It was an interesting power to have.

Ness decided to see what everyone was doing. Maybe if one of them were awake, he would give them a call.

Michelle was playing Counter-Strike. He was not about to touch that with a 20 foot pole. The way he saw it, there were three things he had to remember: keep an eye out for Pokey, don't piss in the wind, and don't DARE interrupt Michelle while she's playing Counter-Strike. 

Paula was still fast asleep. She snored, and she dreamed, but it looked like a good dream and he did not want to interrupt her, so he decided to leave her alone.

Then he came to Jeff. Jeff was putting finishing touches on something. It looked like another baddest gaia beam, except it looked to be a smaller size than the original. Jeff pulled his hands away from his creation, then took it in his hand. Then, he took another compact beam gun in his other hand. He had made akimbo Baddest Gaia Beams.

Ness chuckled to himself as Jeff posed in the mirror with his new toys in hand. _I knew he'd like that movie._ He reached for the phone and dialed the number of Jeff's hotel room.

---

Jeff looked in the hotel room mirror, his new guns in hand. Tony had caught an early flight out of Fourside to go back to Winters. Jeff said he would be on an afternoon flight today, because he had to work on "a side project." He would leave this "side project" in Ness's care until he got back, whenever that was, just to make sure it was not confiscated by airport security.

For now, this side project was all to himself. He looked at himself in the mirror, imagining himself to be the spitting image of Mark Lee. His eyeglasses turned into shades as his mouth twisted into a cool smirk and his right gun rose in time with the image in the mirror. "If you don't stop pointing that gun," he said to himself, "you'll have to use it."

The reflection did use the gun, but then again, so did he. This was because the phone suddenly rang in his room, making Jeff jump in shock and fire the gun. The burst of energy shattered the mirror into a hundred pieces. Jeff winced, got up, dusted himself off, tried to pretend that nothing happened, and picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Yo, Jeff, it's Ness."

"Hey, Ness, guess what I just saw?"

"_A Better Tomorrow_?"

"What a movie! I mean, get to the hotel, you gotta see what I made."

"What did you make?" Ness was not about to tell Jeff that he was spying on him.

"I made compact versions of the Baddest Gaia Beam. Note the plural."

"You mean you made two--"

"Twin Gaia Pistols. It's completely badass."

"Badass?" Ness had to ask himself, when did Jeff ever use the word badass to describe anything? Then he realized that "badass" did not come with a viewing of _A Better Tomorrow_. Jeff always described his inventions as "badass."

"Yeah, man. Adjustable strengths. If someone needs to be tamed, I just set the guns to 'burn,' and the shots don't do any permanent damage. When we have to deal with a level 3, it's set to 'anhilliate,' and it does as much damage as an average pistol. The best part, as usual, I never need to worry about running out of ammo. This will REVOLUTIONIZE the law enforcement industry."

"That is cool, man." An understatement, Ness figured, but it was early in the morning. "How long were you working on it?"

"Five hours to perfect the original. Another two to make a new one. Anyway, I've got a problem."

"What kind?"

"I talked to my Dad. He said he'd be happy to pull me out of Snow Wood and enlist me in a public school, if that's what I really wanted."

"You forgot the 'but.'"

"But, because the school year at Snow Wood isn't divided into two terms like other prep schools, I can't just drop out."

"What?" Ness clenched his teeth, trying not to yell. He was sorry for Jeff, but he was more concerned at that moment about waking up Mom and Tracy.

"I know, it's messed up. I've got a plan, though."

"What's that?"

"Look, I've been, well, sheltered from a lot of movies, music, etcetra, I know that now. The philosophy at Snow Wood is that most of that stuff will rot your mind. It's very conservative. My schoolmates are so blu--"

"You are not Holden Caufield. Get to the point."

"I want to get myself expelled."

Ness's eyebrows jumped like Dan Johnson over a ten-foot bar. "Expelled?"

"One last hurrah, Ness. I need this. They've been asking for this for so long, man. I just have to figure out how."

"Wow," said Ness, "it must be bad over there."

"Can you meet me at the hotel and take me to Snow Wood?"

"Sure thing, Jeff. I'll see you there."

---

The soft pitter-patter of several thousand raindrops could not overpower the soft sound of Dave Matthews and his band playing those smooth sounds and crooning those soft words that warned the listener not to burn the day away. She waited anxiously in her best dress, excited for the night she had ahead of her. The candles were lit and placed on the table, as well as some special incense she bought just for tonight. She poured the champagne--scratch that, sparkling apple cider since they were underage--and then heard the knock on the door she had been waiting for. She rushed to the door and opened it to Ness, looking so beautiful in that suit and tie, despite how drenched he was in God's tears of joy. "I've been waiting for you," she said.

"I couldn't wait any longer," said Ness. He leaned in close and--Paula, wake up.

Paula flipped in her bed, awakened from her wonderful dream by Poo's voice. She looked at the clock, which told her that the time was 7:42 in the morning in big red numbers. _Poo, WHAT DO YOU WANT?_ she telepathed back to him.

_Relax,_ said Poo, _Calm like the fox who waits for his prey. It's time to start house hunting._

Poo, said Paula, it's a quarter to eight on a vacation day. When I say, "You've GOT to be shitting me," you of all people should know that I'm deadly serious!

Do not forget, said Poo, The early bird gets the worm. 

_Yes,_ said Paula, _yes he does. You know why? Because the early bird is cranky and wants to just catch the freakin' worm and get back to bed!_ Paula's anger seemed to dissapate when she realized that her morning crankyness had inherited some of Ness's snarky attitude.

Poo laughed and said _I am here now. Please do not make me wake up your family._

Alright, already, I'm coming. Paula rolled out of bed and marched downstairs, mumbling decidedly un-Christian words to herself about Poo's timing as she moved closer to the door. She opened her door and said "I'll make you some scrambled eggs if I don't fall face first into the frying pan."

"That would be very lovely," said Poo.

"Yeah, yeah," said Paula, "Come on in."

---

"You know what else you have to see? Ocean's Eleven."

Ness brought this up to Jeff as they walked down the halls of the Snow Wood Boarding School boys dormitory, awash in a sea of taupe. Jeff looked around as he walked through. No music, no movies, no video games. Harry was working on a new math theory in his room. Tom and Cole were circled by several other students as they debated Chaos Theory. Meanwhile, Darren, Mark, John, and Kevin were discussing Tessie again, and over at the girls dormitory, Dani, Alissa, and Amanda were giggling over whose brain was the biggest.

Jeff remembered that a week ago, he would have loved to join in on the Tessie discussion, using his own personal experience to blow everyone away. Maybe he would get Tom's back on the Chaos Theory debate, or help Harry with his theory. Perhaps he could sneak over to the girl's dorm and invite the women to give him an MRI.

But none of that mattered anymore, for some reason. Now he wondered where he had been while life was on the move. Where was everyone else? Why haven't they realized that they have all been sleeping through a world that hustled and bustled? He started to understand all that while he was on the first adventure with Ness and the gang, but now he really started getting a grip on what, in fact, was missing from his life. All because some asshole forgot his David Holmes CD on his flight to Winters.

"You OK, Jeff?"

"Yeah, yeah, Dave Holmes scored the music for Ocean's Eleven, right?"

"How would you know?"

"Some guy bought a David Holmes CD and left it on the plane. In the little booklet that came with the CD, it said he did the score for a movie called Ocean's Eleven."

"Oh. Well, look, do you have any ideas about how you wanna go about this thing? Maybe sneak into the girls locker room and get caught?"

"No, that won't work. The faculty will just chalk it up to biological curiosity. People actually sign waivers that allow members of the opposite sex to observe them."

"You mean to tell me that there is a written agreement of 'You-show-me-yours-and-I-show-you-mine' in this school?"

"That's what I mean to tell you."

"Dude, you have to get the hell out of here."

---

East Coast Wizards buzzed with tabletop roleplaying's unique subculture, even during the mornings, especially during school breaks. Michelle strolled into the store, looking to replace the dice that was stolen from her a couple of days ago, and saw one of the least popular members of the unique subculture sitting at the table, bitching out one of her friends.

This waste of life would be a player that went by the name of Michael Hannigan. He was sarcastic, cruel, and worst of all, he was really good. On this morning, he was challenging her friend, whom everyone called Dropkick Murphy, to a fight. And from all the yelling and screaming, Michelle could tell that it was over.

"Yeah! Yeah!" boasted Hannigan, "You get out of my sight! Did you really think you could stop me? No! You can't stop me! You know why?"

"Shut the hell up, Mike!" shouted back Murphy, "That game was horseshit and you know it, you Goddamn lamer!"

"Dave, was that game horseshit?"

Dave, the GM, who was exhausted from all the arguing and from Hannigan's diarreha of the mouth, just shook his head and said, "Whatever, man..."

"Yeah, game over, I won. Out of my sight, lamer."

Enough. Michelle walked over to the table. "You know," said Murphy, his short fuse just about burned out, "I should knock your punk ass on the ground right..." Michelle interrupted him by placing her hand on his shoulder.

"Is there a problem?" she asked, extinguishing the flame.

Dropkick Murphy and Dave the GM looked at Michelle in awe. Hannigan looked too, but only out of curiosity. "No," said Murphy, "No problem at all." He got up out of his seat, calmly, and looked at Michelle. "You got 'im?" he asked.

Michelle smiled and said "I got 'im."

Murphy nodded and said "Get 'im." He moved over to the side and let Michelle go to Hannigan's table.

"What's this?" asked Hannigan, "Now you wanna play? Shouldn't you be shopping for makeup with mommy right now?"

Wonderful, thought Michelle, He's misogynic.

"Tell you what," said Hannigan, "I'm going to place, on the line, two backstage passes to tomorrow night's Venus concert. I know you want 'em. Everybody does. So come on, spanky, let's see what you got. Maybe you can take your Mommy tomorrow for a girl's night out!"

Michelle wasn't even going to bring up the fact that her mommy was on some Mexican island with a funny name, never to return. She was going to let her dice do the talking instead.

Well, not all the talking. Michelle nodded to accept the bet, cleared her throat, and prompted Hannigan to look behind him. He did so, and saw a picture of Michelle there. Under the picture was a caption: 2002 EAGLELAND ROLE PLAYERS ASSOCIATION GRAND CHAMPION: MICHELLE "THE IDOL" WALKER.

Hannigan looked at Michelle, suddenly humbled. Michelle shook her head and said, "For the next five minutes, I AM mommy, bitch."

---

They first looked at an apartment in Fourside, more accurately described as a tenement. It was dinghy, smelling faintly of cat pee. Poo seemed slightly interested, but Paula managed to drag him away after the superintendent acted like an asshole.

As they left the apartment building, they saw a staircase leading to nowhere. On this staircase sat a day laborer, eating some lunch. Poo was curious, so he walked up to him and asked what the staircase was about.

"Eh," said the day laborer, "they're buildin' some kinda monorail system. In a few months or so this staircase will be connected to a platform, then we build tracks. The mayor's got big ideas, man. I'm making a lot of money from this, more than usual."

"Here," said Poo. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of cash. He placed it in the day laborer's hand and continued, "Enjoy yourself for one day after months of hard labor."

"Thank you, sir," said the day laborer, as Poo walked away.

Paula's morning crankyness had worn off long ago. As Poo walked over to her, she said, "That was really cool of you."

"Why should I not?" asked Poo, not really expecting an answer, "What is next?"

"There's a housing community in Threed that just finished construction, they're taking house owners now. If money's no object, we can take a look."

"Sure," said Poo.

---

Bingo. The idea struck him like a ton of bricks flung by Yokozuna, God bless his soul. Ness looked at Jeff and said, "There was this movie, I've never seen it, but there's a classic scene that everybody parodies. It's where this kid comes out in his underwear and starts lip-synching to a song called Old Time Rock and Roll."

"And you think I should do that?"

"Are there any faculty events coming up?"

"Not that I know of."

"Damn!" Ness suddenly developed a hatred of the wrestler he admired since he was five years old.

He would soon have another person to develop a hatred for, though, because at the exact moment that Ness's idea bombed, there came one Joan Snidely, the head disciplinarian of Snow Wood Boarding School. She stopped in front of Ness, looked him square in the eyes, and with a gentle yet condescending tone, said, "Young man, where is your uniform?"

Ness looked at Snidely, whose dark red hair was starting to gray. She was about his height, yet her presence made her tower over him. Ness stammered, unable to explain to this woman that he was only a guest.

Thank God for Jeff. He cut in, saying, "Ms. Snidely, Ness is just a visitor here. He doesn't have a uniform."

"Has he signed in with Angus?"

Angus was Snow Wood's gatekeeper. The fact that he was named Angus should've been hint enough that you shouldn't be looking forward to a visit with him. But what bothered Jeff the most was, "Why would you want, sorry, need to sign in with him?"

"It's a new rule."

"Since when? An hour ago? What the--?"

Jeff never finished the question because at that moment, Snidely threw him against the wall. Ness did not look the least bit shocked, and Jeff had to wonder why.

Snidely looked at Ness next. "You either sign in with Angus or join your friend here. Understood?"

"Yes, ma'am." And with that, Snidely walked away.

Ness walked up to Jeff and helped him up. He looked at Ness and said, "That's another reason I wanna get out of here. Snidely is sadistic. She's insane. She's--"

"--GIS Level 2."

Jeff stopped and looked at Ness, his eyes showing shock, and then evil delight. Then Jeff snickered, the kind of snicker that said "leave this to me," and walked away. Ness followed him.

---

During the war against Giygas, this hallowed ground was where Threed's final battle against the zombies occurred. Well, not really a battle. All that had to be done was lay down Apple Kid's Zombie Paper on the floor of the circus tent that most of the survivors were taking refuge in. Then the zombies invading Threed did the rest. There were technically no casualties in this battle because the zombies were already dead in the first place.

Nowadays, in a fitting tribute to this climactic battle, this hallowed ground has turned into a housing community for rich people. Many people argued that it was no way to treat historic grounds, but the developers building the community shut those people up by naming the community "Applepaper Homes."

There was really no problem besides that. The town was getting a lot of money for this community, as well as notoriety. According to the real estate agent, The Runaway Five was moving in tomorrow. Venus was moving in today. He even said that Steven Spielberg was considering buying a house here, and Paula could not help but wonder what would happen if Spielberg found out about the adventure she went on.

It was a plesant wonder indeed.

While Paula pictured Hilary Duff as a young psychic who stole the heart of a boy in a red cap, Poo was scouting his possible new home. It was grand. It was spacious. It was safe. It was finished.

He hated it.

"Well," said Poo, "I will defenitley get back to you on this house. It is very nice."

"I'm happy you like it. Don't wait too long. Jerry Bruckheimer is thinking about this house, too."

While Paula silently wondered what that movie would look like with Jerry Bruckheimer producing it, Poo's thoughts were a little closer to his sleeve: "Who?" he asked.

"Ha! I love guys like you! Respectful, yet so powerful, who knows who anyone else is?"

"Well...I am a prince."

"Ah ha! Ah ha ha! That's rich! Well, anyway, get back to me soon, OK?"

"Sure," said Poo. He defined "soon" as "sometime after this Gerald Brookhemer person shook the real estate agent's hand." He and Paula left the property.

"That house was beautiful," said Paula.

"It is not exactly what I was looking for," said Poo.

Paula's eyes widened. "Not what you're looking for?"

"It is overkill," said Poo, "I do not need to live like a prince, even if I am one to begin with."

"OK," said Paula, "You know, I was wandering around Onett one day, and I saw this house over on Beak Point. It's right on the ocean. Are you interested?"

"Hmm...it intrigues me. Where is Beak Point?"

"Take me to Onett and I'll show you," said Paula. With that, Poo and Paula teleported to Onett.

---

They all assembled in the cafeteria, staying close together, of course. All they knew was that Joan Snidely was finally about to get hers after pushing all others around for so long, and that Jeff Andonuts, one of Snow Wood's finest students, was behind it. Eventually, they heard the plan. They loved it. But they found one flaw.

"If this is going to work," said Richard Nidermayer, "somebody has to take the fall, and it's not going to be me."

"You're right," said Jeff, "It'll be me." Everyone looked around in confusion. Was this happening? Was Jeff Andonuts committing career suicide before he even had a career? "Look, guys," he said, "I've been wanting to get out for a long time, OK? I wasn't meant to be around...what I mean to say is, this place has broken me. I can't handle it here. I need to get out so I can piece myself back together again. Does that make sense?" Everyone nodded, still unsure of themselves. "Good. So here's how we're going to indict myself. Richard, you're going to be in your room. Out your window, you should have a perfect view of No Man's Land. That's where I'll be setting up the bait, and you'll be snapping a picture of me doing so. This picture should find its way into the hands of Snidely after she recovers. Tony, this is what I want you to do..."

They agreed to set it up in the middle of the night. The plan would go into action at four in the morning. Maxwell Labs, who had also seen an attitude change in Snidely that he was not fond of, would put the school on notice. After all, nobody wants to be unexpectedly awakened at 4 in the morning, as Ness pointed out through past experience. And just in case some goody two-shoes tattled on the group, they hatched a backup plan. It was all set. Everyone dispersed, except for Tony. He went up to Jeff.

"So," said Tony, "This is it?"

"Depends on what you mean by 'it,' Tone," said Jeff, "We're still close. We'll still talk to each other over the phone and e-mail, and anyway, you still have to fly to and from Eagleland, so we'll still see each other."

"But what about when the research is done? Jeff, you're the only guy that's ever understood me. I don't want you to go!"

Jeff sighed. He did not want Tony to feel bad. "Tony, this deal has to do with the dream I had over a year ago, and it also has a bit to do with your kidnapping, remember? I couldn't walk away even if I wanted to. I'm sorry it has to be like this, but it does."

"Well...what if I went with you? What if we took co-credit for this?"

"It's your call, Tony. I'd talk to my parents first, because my Dad's losing a lot of money in this deal. I mean, he can afford to lose it, but the point is, Snow Wood doesn't give refunds in events of expulson."

"You're right, I can't afford to flunk out...what if I finish out the year and then join you? Is that all right?"

"I don't mind," said Jeff.

"Great!" Tony seemed elated. Further proof of this was found when he hugged Jeff. Jeff was reluctant to hug back, but he did so.

"All right," said Jeff, breaking the embrace, "Let's get ready to dance."

Ness was on his way to Jeff's room when his cell phone rang. He picked it up and said "Hello?"

"Hey," said Michelle, dragging out that last "y" like she was Fonzie.

"What's up, Michelle?"

"Not much. I just stopped by your house, but obviously you're not there."

"I'm helping Jeff get out of school. He wants to go public."

"Ah...well, I dropped by because I went to war with this macho player, and I got his two backstage passes to the Venus concert tomorrow at Topolla to show for it. You down?"

"Hell yeah," said Ness. Being good friends with the Runaway Five, he could have gotten those passes for nothing. But Michelle felt proud, and he was not about to ruin her mood.

"Great, I'll just get...oh, shit!"

"What's the matter?"

"We only have two backstage passes! You know how my dad feels about me and you alone."

Ness sighed. "Well, it would be bad news," said Ness, "except that I actually helped bail out the Runaway Five a couple of times. You know them?"

"Yeah, you told me about that! They got Venus started, right?"

"Right. They're good friends. I can get a couple of extra passes."

"Oh, AWESOME," said Michelle, "You are SO the man."

"Well," said Ness, with a nervous chuckle, "you are so the girl."

"Heh."

"Sorry, couldn't resist. So I'll have a chat with them whenever's good, all right?"

"You are so awesome. I'll talk to you later."

"Love you."

"Love you too. Bye."

"Bye." Ness hung up.

---

Michelle hung up the phone and waved to Paula and Poo, spotting them near Down Home Burgers. She walked over and said hello.

"Hey," said Paula, "Michelle, this is Poo. Poo, this is Michelle. She's my best friend and Ness's girlfriend."

"It is an honor," said Poo, bowing to her.

"Nice to meet you, too," said Michelle, "What's up?"

"House hunting," said Paula, "Poo needs a place to live."

"Cool," said Michelle, "Can I tag along?"

"Sure," said Paula.

Michelle told Paula and Poo all about her triumph over Michael Hannigan during the walk to Beak Point, and they loved every second of the story, even if they had trouble understanding the physics of tabletop roleplay battles.

"That's awesome," said Paula, "Good for you!"

"Yes," said Poo, "I am very impressed myself. You do this often?"

"Yeah," said Michelle, "I love the idea of becoming other people." Poo held back a wide grin. "So, I get to go to see the Venus concert. I won two backstage passes, and Ness is going to get two more."

"From Lucky, I bet," said Paula, "So you're still not comfortable with going on your own?"

"No," said Michelle, "Not yet, anyway."

"Well," said Poo, "How does he feel about it?"

"He doesn't. I keep telling him that it has to do with my Dad not being comfortable."

"Oh, for Pete's sake," observed Paula, "You can't expect Ness to buy that for much longer, OK? I mean, your Dad doesn't care if you set the house on fire. Why would he give a damn about what happens between you and Ness?"

"I know. I feel bad, but what am I going to tell him? 'I'm just not ready to be alone with you?' I mean, if that's the case, what are we doing together?"

Paula bit her lip. Right now, she could play on Michelle's insecurity and drive her away from Ness, which left him hers for the hitting on. But on the other hand, Ness really seemed to feel something for Michelle, and if he found out, then he would never forgive her. Michelle was a good friend, too, and Paula did not want to hurt her like that either.

So instead, she asked, "Well, do you care about him?"

"...yeah," said Michelle, "I do care about him. Very much."

"Then that's all you need," said Paula, matter-of-factly. "Here we are," she added as they approached the cabin on Beak Point.

The cabin was solid looking, warm and inviting. Outside, a real estate agent stood at his post. Poo's expression did not change, but Paula and Michelle were elated. "Wow!" said Michelle, "Poo, this is beautiful!"

"We shall see."

The three approached the real estate agent. Michelle and Paula beamed while Poo kept a straight face. "Well," said the real estate agent, "I see you're interested in this house."

"We are just looking," said Poo.

"Well, you're looking at a very finely-built house. It's only 7500 dollars, so it's a steal. Come on, you can get this house, right now, never pay interest, rent, whatever. It's yours."

"Hmm," said Poo, "Let me look inside."

"Well," said the real estate agent, "There's a little problem with the locks. There was a break in, you know? So we had to change the locks, but don't worry, the locksmith should be coming with a key any day now, and boy, if you think the outside looks good, the inside will have you singing--"

"WHAT THE HELL?"

Upon hearing Michelle's exclamation, Poo hurried to her location.

It seemed that Paula and Michelle wandered around the back of the house and found, to their surprise and dismay, that it was relatively easy to get into. All you had to do was walk through the area where the back wall of the house was supposed to be.

"OK," said the real estate agent, catching up, "It's a bit of a fixer upper. But--"  
"It's fine," said Poo, "I will take it. Is cash acceptable?"

"Er...yeah...you're not a cop, are you? Because if you are--"

"I am fully aware of this country's stance on entrapment and can assure you that I am not a cop."

"OK, then." Michelle and Paula watched, in horror, as Poo handed over seventy-five hundred American dollars to the real estate agent--natch, con artist. Then he scurried off, leaving Poo to enjoy home sweet home with the two of them.

"Poo," said Paula, "Why did you do that?"

"For two reasons," said Poo, "One, an old Dalaamese proverb which says, 'The bird will not stop hunting until a worm shows itself.' If I did not buy it, another man would have, and perhaps he may have suffered more. Two, I have been looking for a house that I can fix up to retain my strength and to remind me of what is truly important, besides material items. This is a perfect opportunity to do just that."

Paula's jaw dropped. "Why didn't you tell me you were looking for a fixer-upper?"

"I am at fault for that, and I apologize. Now, I will rebuild this house and make it a beautiful place to live, through hard work, and a little skill."

Paula could only stare. Meanwhile, Michelle turned to Paula and asked, "Are you having a feeling that you're trapped in a bad anime?"

"I don't know," said Paula, not breaking her blank stare, "I haven't seen enough of it to know what's bad."

"OK, let me rephrase, then. Are you having a feeling that you're trapped in an episode of the American Dragonball Z?"

"Yeah, except I didn't just wait nine hours for something to happen Ð oh, wait, I did."

"Good, so I'm not alone."

  
---

The schematic is relativley simple, child's play for a Snow Wood student. You take a platform, walls on its shorter sides, and you suspend it above the door. Then, you drape half a blanket over the platform, attaching the edge of the blanket to the platform. Then you take balloons filled with marbles and pile them on top of the platform. Then you take the edge of the blanket that drapes over the edge of the platform, and attach it securely to the top of the door frame.

The other kids involved with the plan set that up while Jeff repaired the Suporma that Orange Kid had given them as a type of "Thank You" for a two hundred dollar donation. Ness had donated to both on his adventure, knowing that both of them would eventually pay off.

Jeff sneaked out through the window, fixed Suporma in hand. He planted it in front of the door. "Everyone ready?"

"Yes sir," said Jay Wright, one of the students that toiled endlessly to get the marbles into approximatley one hundred balloons.

"Everyone out of my way," said Jeff, quietly. The students quickly moved away from Jeff. Richard gave a signal to Jeff that nobody was in his shot, and he was going to take his picture. Jeff made like he didn't notice, and then got another signal from Richard. The picture was finished.

Jeff turned on the Suporma and ran away. "Ode to Orange Kid" started blasting, loudly. Max had made sure that nobody, not even fellow teachers, went to investigate. The only one that would not be in on the joke would be Snidely. A hard task, it seems, yet actually easy enough, since nobody in the boarding school liked Joan Snidely.

She had awakened, furious, by now, and was off to check on that awful singing. She marched her way toward the main door and opened it.

The physics behind this prank was that when the door opened, it would pull the blanket with it, pushing the marble-filled balloons off the platform and onto the victim's head. That's exactly what happened. Snidely fell down, hurt and unconscious.

Ness, dressed in a mask, ran over to Snidely and pulled open her eyelids. He ran back to Jeff. "It worked," he said, "Snidely has lost Giygas's influence."

"You better get out of here," said Jeff.

"Roger. I'll see you later." Ness teleported away to Onett.

---

The next morning, Ness was finally able to sleep soundly. Maybe it was the lack of tension. Maybe he was just too exhausted from his insomnia from the previous night. Either way, it ceased to be an issue when the phone woke him up. He picked it up. "Good morning," he said, brighter than usual foor this hour, "Franklin residence."

"Ness," said Michelle, "Get to Beak Point. You're not going to believe this."

Ness ran over to Beak Point as fast as he could. When he got there, he found Paula and Michelle standing outside, a look of disappointment and confusion on their faces. He went up to the girls and asked "What happened?"

"Poo bought a house," said Paula

"...That's great. What's the problem?"

"Go inside."

Ness opened the door. "I don't see what could be sOH MY GOD." Now he had the same look of shock on his face that the girls had.

"See what I'm saying?" asked Michelle.

"Did they drug Poo into taking this house or something?"

"I don't know," said Michelle. There was silence as the three of them walked around a house that was better suited for Paper Street than for Beak Point. Eventually, Michelle turned to Ness and asked, "Hey, can we talk for a second?"

"Sure."

Michelle pulled Ness over to the side. "Listen, did you get the other two backstage passes yet?"

"No, I didn't."

"Good, don't. Look, I...I wanna go with you. Just you."

"You mean, alone?"

"Yeah."

"Uh...what about your dad?"

Michelle looked down, took a deep breath. "Well...the thing is, my dad doesn't give a damn about anything I do. I haven't been going with you because...I guess, I was kind of scared."

"Oh, hey, I understand that."

Michelle brightened after she heard of that. Thank God.

"So," asked Ness, "Our real first date?"

"Yeah. Could you imagine a better thing to do than a Venus concert?"

Ness had a dirty response to that, but he was not going to use it. "No," he said instead, "this is perfect."

Michelle giggled. Ness giggled back. Paula just observed, pretending that she was occupied with the house. Only in movies did things come together like this. Only in movies would she have to choose between two things and not be able to have both. There was one difference between real life and the movies right now: unlike the movies, she could not find a clever way to have everything she wanted.

She had heard the line "Don't let them see you cry" so many times, yet she never quite understood what it meant until now.


	4. I've Been Delivered

(A/N #1: Once again, I'm choosing to develop the characters over advancing the plot, although you'll know the first big villain of the series by the end of this episode. I should warn you that I'm going to be placing more emphasis on the characters for the next couple of episodes - I'm in no rush to end this series. If you're looking for some more plot-oriented stuff, I ask that you have faith. As Doc from _Back to the Future_ would say, when this plot starts moving, you're gonna see some serious...well, you'll know.

Oh, by the way, A/N #2, if you're looking, is at the end. And now...)

------

"Oh, good. I thought you got hit by a giant flyswatter."

Matthew "Buzz Buzz" Norris chuckled at that line. Ness had just stopped by to visit Matthew after Poo's housewarming to update him on what was going on. When he got to the hotel room, Matt was flat on his back. He told Ness that his back was just a little stiff, to which he delivered the "giant flyswatter" line.

"Ah, Ness," Norris said after he finished his laugh, "It's good to see that you're retaining your sense of humor despite all that's happened."

"Honestly, not much has happened yet that I had to get involved in."

"Oh, trust me Ness, before you leave for college, you will find yourself in the most terrifying of battles. It will not be the cakewalk that you are experiencing right now."

"Really? Can you tell me if I get hurt in one of them? I'd like to book my hospital visit in advance, you know?"

That one was worth a smirk. "I can't tell you that, but what I can tell you is that they won't all be physical." Norris paused a beat to let it sink in, and then continued. "Tell me, Ness, what do you think about being the Chosen Boy? Do you dismiss it as mere coincidence? Take your time."

Ness became silent. He wanted to give that question the consideration it deserved. "Well," he eventually said, "When it all comes down to it, it's a job. It's very difficult, but it's still just a job."

"Well, Ness, I'll tell you that being the Chosen Boy is more than just a job."

"Yeah, I know, how many jobs require you to literally save the world?"

"I'm not talking about that, Ness. You're right; saving the world is still a job. Being the Chosen Boy, however, has much more to it than saving the world."

"What more is there, then?"

"That is a question you must answer yourself."

Ness nodded. He didn't know the answer, but he had a pretty god idea as to what it involved. "OK," he said.

"Come, take a walk with me."

"Sure."

The winter sky never looked so blue for the upcoming Eve's Eve (night before Christmas Eve). Matthew breathed the cold air in, and it invigorated his body in such a way, Ness could actually tell.

The two stepped out onto the street. "So," said Matthew, "I was thinking that I'd stick around here."

"Really?" asked Ness.

"Yes," said Matthew, "I suspect that you'll need my presence more than my guidan--Look out!" Suddenly, Ness felt himself get yanked out of the street, and he looked up in time to see Matthew get creamed.

He quickly went into Junior Crimestopper mode as he got the license plate of the car: IM COOL2. Suddenly, Ness realized he didn't need the number; in fact, he could spot that Lime Green Cadillac from miles away.

He had to look at it for as long as he could remember.

_Go figure_, Ness thought to himself, as he bolted towards the fallen Norris. He looked like a bloody, pulpy mass, sprawled out on the street with both his legs broken. Ness sensed, however, that Norris would survive this collision this time.

When Ness reached Norris, he was shrugged off. "No, Ness, I'll be all right. I can't move my arms or legs, but I just need some time to recharge my psychic power and then I'll be good as new."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, yeah, just get me to a hospital."

"All right," said Ness, who pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911. "I'm sorry, I'd heal you if I could, but--"

"I know, the cat you saw on the way here, right?"

"You know, I need to remember that you can do that. Hello, 911? A friend of mine was just plowed into by this psycho driver. Her license plate is I-M-Space-C-Double O-L-2. It's a vanity plate, I know her name, Lardna Minch...yeah, great, tell the cops that the man that was hit is a friend of Ness Franklin's...trust me, ma'am, it will make a difference. In the meantime, send an ambulance to the Hotel Onett on the double...I'll stay on, but I'm gonna be preoccupied with my friend, is that all right?...good...ma'am, hang on, my friend wants to tell me something."

Matthew motioned for Ness to come closer. He whispered, "Did you just say that Lardna Minch was driving that car?"

"Yeah, you heard right. It figures, doesn't it?"

Matthew snorted, "I'll tell you, whoever's in charge up there has a twisted sense of humor."

---

"Well, Jeffrey, let's talk." Dr. Richard Sipowski sat on his chair, putting down the paperwork he was going over. Jeff had been waiting for Dr. Sipowski to finish going over that paper work for five minutes. Those five minutes gave him time to ask himself a few questions, such as: _Why am I here? When am I going to the Dean's office to get my walking papers? Shouldn't Snidely have reported my behavior to the Dean by now? Why am I not packing my things right now? How--_

"Now, Jeffrey," said Dr. Sipowski, "Why don't you tell me why you think you're here today?"

"Well," said Jeff, "I honestly don't know."

"Let's start with what you did, Jeffrey. You took a bunch of balloons, filled them with marbles, and dropped them on Miss Snidely's head. Right?"

Jeff thought to himself for a moment. _What is this about? Why am I seeing...wait a second..._

"Jeffrey, answer the question."

"Well, yeah, I did, but shouldn't I be seeing the Dean about that?"

"In normal circumstances, Jeffery, yes, but you are a special case."

"It's Jeff. Special case?"

"Yes, Jeff," said Dr. Sipowski, "See, save for the occasional laboratory accident, you have never been in serious trouble like this before."

"Well, what are you getting at?"

"You are not going to be expelled, Jeffrey."

Jeff sat up straighter. "Excuse me?"

"We think you may have developed a new disorder that our medical students call Sakamoto's Syndrome, and I am going to place you on Ritalin."

"Doctor, I assaulted a teacher! How is that not grounds for expulsion?"

"Well, technically, it is, but according to the lawyer we just hired--"  
"Lawyer?" Jeff blinked twice in succession; it was all he could do to keep his eyes from bugging out. "When did we hire a lawyer?"

"About three months ago. See, this African-American student wants to come here, but he only has an IQ of 199 - I'm sure you're well aware that the minimum IQ one needs to come here is 200. Anyway, his parents are suing us on his behalf for discrimination, so we hired a school lawyer. While Mrs. Snidely and Dean Wormer were discussing your possible expulsion, the school lawyer just happened to overhear. He told us to do a psych evaluation, because if we don't, and you had some kind of disorder that lead you to do this, which you do, you could sue us for discrimination as well."

Jeff could only stare for the next couple of minutes. Finally, he came up with the only three words that could possibly fit: "You're shitting me."

"Please watch your language, Jeffrey."

"Sure thing, Dick!"

"Jeffery--"

"What? I'm only calling you by your short name. Your full first name is Richard, right? Well, as I'm sure you're aware of, 'Dick' is short for Richard. Just like 'Jeff' is short for Jeffrey. So what's the problem?"

"Jeffery, are you feeling angry right now?"

"Angry?" asked Jeff. He stood up and went for the door. He opened it and said, "No, I'm not angry, I'm surprised! After all, I thought Snow Wood was a school for the gifted!" He walked out and slammed the door behind him.

---

The doctor walked into the waiting room and over to where Ness was sitting. "Mister Franklin?"

Ness looked up from his magazine. "Yes, doctor?"

The doctor took a deep breath. This had to be bad news. "Well, Mr. Franklin," said the doctor, as if he was a cast member of "ER," "It doesn't look good. He'll live, but I'm afraid he'll never walk again. He will also need extensive plastic surgery. I'm sorry."

"But you said he was going to live?"

"WellÉyeah, but the point is, he'll never live a normal life again."

"OK, can he eat solid foods right now?"

"No! It might be a few weeks--"

"Doc, I'm not talking about chicken cordon bleu here. How long before he can take a simple solid like, say, a caramel chew?"

"Mmm...Well...I'd say about...I don't know...48 hours?"

"OK, then...did you tell Matt his situation?"

"Well...I was thinking you could tell him."

"Yeah, sure, all right." Ness put down his magazine and allowed the doctor to lead him to Norris's room.

Matthew's room was again awash in a sea of white just like his hotel room, but this was a different white, a hospital white, that shade of white that implies cleanliness. Kind of ironic, Ness thought, considering that Matthew was in the geriatric wing, where you couldn't take five steps without seeing a streaky hospital gown.

Matthew looked helpless, distraught, uncomfortable, and that made Ness's job harder. He sat down next to him and said, "Bad news, Matt."

"What is it?" asked Matthew.

Ness sighed and said, "You're going to have to spend the night here, recharge your batteries the old fashioned way."

Matthew groaned. "Damn."

"I'm going to ask Paula if she can keep you company. First time I came here after fighting one of the Sharks, I did not get along with any of the nurses."

"She's quite the humanitarian, Paula is."

"Oh, good, I guess that means she won't have a problem helping you out today."

"What are you doing tonight? Not that I need you here, I'm just curious."

"If you really wanted to know, would you have to ask me?"

"Knowing all the answers leads to a very boring life. Don't you agree?"

"Well, if that's how you're gonna be, I'm going to the Venus concert tonight with Michelle."

Ness could see a wry grin cross Matthew's otherwise pained face. He chuckled a couple of times.

"What?" asked Ness.

"Oh, nothing," said Matthew, smiling, "Have fun with your girlfriend tonight. I look forward to Paula's company."

"Wait, I never told you about--" Matthew gave Ness a look. "Oh...I guess you're not that bored, huh?"

---

Paula wiped the tears away from her eyes, but they just kept coming. She couldn't help it; she couldn't quit crying for one second, not even to change the channel away from HBO as the credits rolled. "He was her miracle," Paula choked through her tears, "That's so beautiful!"

The phone rang, and Paula didn't want to pick it up at first. She didn't think she would be able to compose herself in time. Then her mother called up to Paula and told her to pick up for Ness. Upon hearing that, Paula immediately tried to put the movie out of her mind and picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Paula, hi, it's Ness."

"Oh, hey Ness, how are you? You sound quietÉwhoa, who's in the bed?"

"It's Matt, he just got hit by a car."

"Oh my God...wait, who's Matt?"

"Matt Norris? You know, Buzz Buzz?"  
"Oh, OH! Oh, tell me he'll be all right!"

"Oh, he will. He's going to stay at the hospital overnight so his psychic energy can return to him, then he'll fix himself up and be good as new."

"Why can't you heal him?"

"I'm low on PSI, too."

"Go to Summers, get a magic tart."

"No can do. It's actually why I'm calling you. I need a favor."

"All right," said Paula, "Ask away."

"The only way to describe the nurses here is to use language I wouldn't dare say in front of any girl. Do you think you can come in and keep an eye on him till he nods off? I'd stay, but I've got--"

"Michelle told me. You guys are going to the Venus concert tonight, right?"

"Yeah, we are."

"I see," noted Paula, "So you're on a tight schedule, you've got stuff to do before you pick up Michelle."

"Right," confirmed Ness, "I've got no time to juice up my powers."

"OK," said Paula, "So go have fun."

"Thanks, Paula, I owe you big."

"No you don't. You saved my life, twice, and you're probably going to do a lot more lifesaving from here on in, what with this new thing that we're dealing with. I'm just glad to have the chance to do something for you. Enjoy the concert, all right?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll talk to you later."

"You got it. Bye." Paula hung up.

It wasn't the worst favor Ness could have called in, really. Paula had done volunteer work at the hospital before -- in the geriatric wing, no less -- and had to deal with men cranky enough to call Paula a "Goddamn Nazi." At least with Matthew Norris, she would have something to talk about.

---

"I don't know about this, Jeff." Dean Wormer sat at his desk, reading a signed statement from Jeff, who sat across from him. The statement read: I HEARBY ABSOLVE "THE SNOW WOOD BOARDING SCHOOL FOR THE GIFTED" OF ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY EVENTS THAT MAY RESULT FROM MY EXPULSION FROM SAID SCHOOL. Under this statement, Jeff had signed his name.

"What's not to know?" asked Jeff, "I checked it over with your lawyer, it's airtight. If you expel me, there's nothing I can do about it, trust me. Now, will you please sign my walking papers so I can pack up and get out of here?"

Wormer thought about it for a second, and then said "No."

"No?"

"Well, if I expel you, you'll be getting what you want, won't you?"

"Oh, give me a break!"

"Jeff, why do you want to leave so badly?"

"Because I need to move to Eagleland right away."

"Why?"

"Well...I...I found my mother."

"You found your mother?"

"Isn't that what I just said?"

"Well, if you found your mother, why do you have to move to be with her? Why can't you just visit?"

"Holy shit! Does it matter? Shouldn't I get out of here if I want to get out of here?"

"Jeff," said Wormer, "Understand something. You have an incredible mind, an amazing thirst for science. If we were to let you out, that mind would go to waste in the real world. Face it Jeff, out there, it's about style, the next big thing. In here, things are as they should be: people get ahead not because they have more money, not because they look better, but because they're smarter and more cunning than everybody else."

"Hmm," thought Jeff, "But isn't it true that the purpose of any school, be it Snow Wood or P.S. 89, is to prepare you for the real world?"

"Well," said Wormer, indignant "No student has ever acted like this."

"Like what?"

"Maybe you should see Dr. Sipowski again."

Jeff shook his head in absolute disgust. "OK, OK. Would you like to know the truth? The real reason I need to get out of here? Here it is. Remember when I escaped during summer classes in July? Well, I was following a psychic message that told me to go to Threed. Once I arrived, I joined this boy and girl and traveled the world with them. Eventually, the Dalaamese Prince Poo Mishinta joined us, and together we defeated an alien megalomaniac named Giygas and saved the universe from certain destruction. Or so we thought. Now we have to stop a bunch of people who are under Giygas's posthumous influence before they play a key role in the coming of premature Armageddon, and the only way I can do that is if I get out of here mid-term and move to Eagleland! So keeping in mind that your life depends on what you say next, will you PLEASE let me out of here?"

Wormer clapped his hands. "Bravo for effort, Jeff, but I find it hard to truly applaud your skills. After all, Mishinta is a Japanese name. I'd suggest taking a fictional writing class, but we don't have those here. After all, what could you possibly do with them?" Wormer glared at Jeff, a silent challenge to prove him wrong.

Jeff didn't accept. He just got out of his seat and walked towards the door. "By the way," said Jeff, as he walked out the door, "Dalaamese culture is derived from ancient Japan, and Poo Mishinta is the actual prince. I'd suggest taking an eastern culture class, sir. Last I checked, we DO have those here, and you could do something with them, just like every class you offer. Namely, you can shove them up your ass." Jeff's look mocked Wormer's glare, and he waited for a verbal expulsion. Not getting one, Jeff slammed the door behind him and made his way back to his dorm room.

Jeff called Ness's cell phone. There was no answer, so he left a voice mail message. "Ness, it's Jeff, call me as soon as possible. I didn't get expelled yet, and we need to come up with a plan B..."

That's when he overheard a pair of voices talking to each other from the hallway. The conversation was noted for two sentences: One, "Did you hear that the Richardsons dropped their lawsuit?" And two, "Yeah, they're throwing a reception in the Green Room to celebrate!"

Jeff looked at his computer. It had everything necessary to burn a CD; he just had to get past any blocks Snow Wood may have placed on the Internet. It would take some time, but...

"You know what? Scratch that. I've got a plan B. I'll see you later."

---

"Hey, guys," said Paula as she walked into room 324.

"Hey, Paula," said Ness as Matthew waved at her, "Thanks for doing this."

"Forget it," said Paula, "Like I said, I'm glad I could do something for you for once."

"Well, I'm glad somebody can attend to him."

"I understand. That receptionist, what a...well, she's not a nice person. Anything I should know about him? Like, is he feeling sick?"

"Nope," said Ness, "Just keep an eye on him, be the go-to girl for the nurses. He is a little tired right now, so he may not be much for talking."

"All right, then." Paula kissed Ness on the cheek and said, "Go have fun."

"Uh...yeah, sure. What was that about?"

"What was what about?" asked Paula as she went to take the nearest chair.

"The kiss?"

Paula stopped in her tracks. _I kissed him?_ she asked herself before she realized,_ Oh my goodness, I kissed him!_ Not wanting to look like she had something to say, she spun around. "Oh," she said, "that was, I was just being friendly." _Idiot! I'm an idiot!_

Ness raised his eyebrow. He was buying it but he was confused. "Really?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"OK...I'm just gonna head out now. See you later."

"You got it." Ness left Paula to beat herself up.

On the bed, Matthew laughed to himself. "Thanks, Paula," he said, "This is the best I've felt since I got here."

"Shut up," Paula sulked as she sunk into the nearest chair, "You're not funny."

Matthew smiled. "It seems we have something to talk about."

---

Ask any writer, from Stephen King to your run-of-the-mill creative writing student, and they'll tell you that words don't always come easy. That perfect sentence, that right word, that breathtaking opening, it always eludes them with each tale they craft. Eventually, though, they find it, and finding that perfect sentence brings you on that natural high every writer dreams of.

_Yeah,_ Michelle thought to herself, _just keep telling yourself that._

Here she was, sitting at her computer, Microsoft Word fired up, the idea in her head but the way to express it lost on her. She sort of liked the five pages she had typed so far, but she felt that she could do better. She didn't know how, but she knew that she was better than the five pages she had already put down.

Michelle was looking over those last five pages when Ness walked into her room. "See what I was talking about?" she asked, referring to her father.

"Yeah, I do," said Ness. He launched into an exaggerated imitation of Mr. Walker. "Yeah, yeah," he mocked, "she's in her room, Jess. Don't knock anything over on yer way up."

Michelle turned around, giggling. "That's not bad," said Michelle, "but I like your John McClaine impression better." She kissed him, and it reminded him of Paula's kiss earlier.

"Yeah," Ness said. The reminder left him a little dazed, but he quickly recovered and said, "Yeah, of course you do. If Bruce Willis ever came to town, I'd be in trouble."

"Oh, honey," cooed Michelle, sarcastically, "Of course you would!"

"Wiseass," muttered Ness, "What're you working on? Is...'Cloud drew his sword?' Cloud from Final Fantasy VII?"

"Yeah, I was writing some Final Fantasy VII fanfiction. You know how nervous I am about tonight? Well, I went onto fanwritings.com, looked up some FF7 fanfiction to calm me down. About half of them were knockoffs of _Debbie Does Dallas_, except they starred Tifa. It got so bad, one of those knockoffs starred Aeris, even though it took place after FF7."

"Get the hell out of here."

"So I decided to write my own fanfic. You can't change the world, but you can make a dent."

"Nice."

"Anyway, this can wait. You all set?"

"Yeah," said Ness, "Let's jam." Michelle saved her work and put her computer in sleep mode. Then she and Ness went down the stairs and out the door.

---

"It's probably just a crush for all I know. I mean, I never felt this way about anybody. So how would I know if it's love?" Paula sat on the chair next to Matthew's bed, where she had been talking about her feelings for Ness for the last ten minutes.

"Well," said Matthew, trying to be helpful, "When you think of Ness, what's the first thing you think of?"

"He's the guy that saved my life."

"It could be possible that you just feel close to him because he saved your life. You've touched a lot of lives, after all. How many actually bothered to touch yours?"

"My mom, my dad, Ness, Jeff, Poo, and Michelle."

Matthew sighed. "So many lives are better because of you, yet so few were around to make your life better before you joined Ness and his friends."

"Hm," said Paula, "I never thought about it that way before. So you're saying it's not true love?"

"Of course not. True love is when love is requited for the right reasons."

"Do I have the right reasons?"

Matthew stayed silent, and Paula was on the edge of her seat waiting for his response. She wanted, no, needed to know if her pursuit of Ness was in vain, and the suspense Matthew kept her in was chipping away at her nerves. Finally, he answered, but it wasn't one Paula was expecting: "I'm sorry, it looks like I need to use the bathroom."

"Oh! Number one or two?"

"Two."

"OK, hang on while I get you up."

---

The Green Room was like a miniature auditorium; except in place of the standard rows of chairs, there was a dance floor that lay in the middle of a bunch of tables, as well as a small stage at the bottom of it. The stage wasn't being used. Instead, there was a CD player at the back of the room that provided the music.

Dean Wormer was the center of attention. He had nothing to do with the aversion of that lawsuit, and everybody knew it; the Richardsons dropped the suit because the son in question, James, decided that he didn't want to go to Snow Wood after all. Yet, everybody came up to him to congratulate him on his victory as if it was some requirement. To the average person, this would look disgusting.

The average person was about to have a hearty laugh, because nobody knew about the CD that Jeff burned. The one that he managed to sneak into rotation while nobody was looking. Nobody noticed that he had stolen the remote, either.

The music suddenly stopped, as did everyone else a half-second later. Was it a problem in the speakers? Or was easy listening about to get a hell of a lot more difficult?

Suddenly, they saw Jeff, on the stage, in nothing but his underwear and glasses. They heard piano, hard piano. And then they heard Jeff's cry.

"**JUST TAKE THOSE OLD RECORDS OFF THE SHELF! I'LL SIT AND LISTEN TO THEM BY MYSELF! TODAY'S MUSIC AIN'T GOT THE SAME SOUL, I LIKE THAT OLD TIME ROCK 'N ROLL!**"

He was singing something about discos when security tackled him and dragged him off the stage. The music was switched back to Easy Listening as Dean Wormer excused himself.

He went backstage and found Jeff, still in his underwear, sitting down, two security guards making sure he didn't have to excuse himself. "I must say, Jeff," said Dean Wormer, "A good effort to get yourself expelled, but it won't work."

"Oh, I know," said Jeff, "Playing rock 'n roll and prancing around in your underwear in front of a bunch of conservatives, pfft, nothing. It's easy for my so-called Sakamoto's Syndrome to excuse it. Now, the voice-activated explosive device I installed in the CD--" Suddenly, a small explosion was heard, and then no music, cries of shock and confusion taking its place. "Now THAT'S the money shot."

Dean Wormer was furious. "You ruined our soiree! You're going to--"

"I have with me a blank check. Expel me now, and it not only covers the CD player but pays for everybody's lunch."

"Gladly!"

"Good. It's in my coat pocket." Jeff went to his coat pocket, which was in a heap with his pants on the floor, and pulled out the check - slightly wrinkled, but cashable nonetheless. Jeff wrote a check out for $1000, Monopoly money to him after the adventure he and the gang went on, and gave it to Wormer.

"Good," said Wormer, "Now get dressed and get out of my sight. You don't deserve to be one of the future leaders of the world."  
"Good," said Jeff, "Because I'd rather be saving it." He put his clothes back on and went to leave. Before he did, though, he turned to Wormer and said, "You know, this could have all been avoided--"

"Pipe down and pack your things! I want you out of here in one hour!"

"OK, OK."

---

"Ohmigod, ohmigod, we're here!"

Going to Fourside did not match Michelle's expectations; rather, they were surpassed. The buildings reached dizzying heights and lit up the starless, cloudy night sky. The Christmas season made it all the more dazzling, with snow covered wreaths and tall Christmas trees.

"This is so awesome," said Michelle.

They got off the bus and started walking to Toppola Theater. It cast its bright neon lights onto the crowd below, which was as patient as a Fourside crowd could be. The doors opened, and the crowd started filing into the auditorium. The two showed their backstage passes to the ticket taker, the only passes that were given away, and went inside.

Michelle was 14 years old, yet she was acting ten, and it reminded Ness of the first time he came here, how excited he was to be in the big city, how amazed he was at the size of the Toppola Theater in comparison to the Twoson Theater. To say he enjoyed the feeling would be like saying that teenagers of the fifties and sixties enjoyed The Beatles.

"Munchies?" asked Ness.

"Sure!" said Michelle. They went to the concession stand and got hot dogs and drinks, then they went into the auditorium and got their seats.

The lights dimmed, all of them except for a single spotlight. The spotlight sneaked to the right as a band assembled in the center. Out stepped Venus, and her beauty was radiant tonight. Her black gown, shining in the light, showing just the slightest bit of cleavage. Her skin, so light, soft, inviting. Her eyes, their blue showing even in their glint--

"Whoa," said Ness.

"What?" asked Michelle, "What's wrong?"

"Oh! Uh, she just took me by surprise, that's all." Ness prepared for the worst. He decided to take the hit; it was better than Michelle knowing anything about the whole GIS situation. After all, how would you begin to explain such a responsibility to a girl when she doesn't even understand your abilities?

"By surprise how?" Michelle asked with that tone that indicated exactly how she was feeling: half jealous, half interested.

By the grace of God, Venus started saying her thank-yous to the crowd. "Hang on," said Ness, "The show's about to start." Ness thought this would be interesting. Taking away the glint that was visible to him, he wondered if it was possible to tell level ones from the rest of non-infected civilization.

"Thank you all," said Venus, "You know, it's been a hell of a riiiiiiide up to here." She gyrated her hips a little for "ride," sending all the men hooting and hollering and had all the women rolling their eyes and shaking their heads. Ness and Michelle looked at each other.

"Is she smoking crack or something?" asked Michelle.

Venus continued before Ness could make a trademark witty response. "See, I'm thinking, you guys didn't come down to see me sing some sexy song in some dazzling outfit, and pretend like I'm innocent, right?" A couple of murmurs of concurrence from the males in the audience could be heard as a couple of the women walked out. "Well, this holiday season, that all ends!" The opening beats of "Oops! (I Did It Again)" were heard. "This holiday season, I'm gonna jingle your bells, boys!" Suddenly, the band launched into the full song. Ness and Michelle's worst fears were confirmed: Venus was channeling Britney Spears.

Up until now, Ness thought that the effects of GIS Level 1 were subtle. Now, Ness saw that the effects were as subtle as Whitney Houston's rendition of the Star Spangled Banner. "Do you want to get out of here and find something else to do?" he asked Michelle.

"Oh hell no," replied Michelle, "I'm not leaving until intermission. Once that happens, I'm giving Jenna Jameson over there a piece of my mind. THEN we'll go."

Ness smiled. He liked that about her.

The next forty-five minutes looked like something out of a Vegas showgirls act, without any skin bearing - although Ness was positive that Venus was going to flash the audience in the next act. By the time intermission came, all of the women had walked out, and one man suffered a mild heart attack after Venus doused herself in bottled water. This was really bad, considering that the man was Winston Herek, the Fourside Press's music critic.

When intermission came, Ness and Michelle stood up and headed to the dressing room. "All right," said Michelle, "I'm gonna stomp Venus's Jell-O ass into liquid."

"OK," said Ness, "at first it was funny. Now it's a little scary."

"Well," said Michelle, stopping in her tracks, OK, I don't mean it literally, but, you know, Hell hath no fury." She started walking again, a little less determination in her steps.

_Uh-oh._ If Michelle's past furies were any indication, security would boot her out, and common courtesy dictated that he would have to go with her. And that meant that he couldn't calm Venus down enough to use flash therapy on her. Not good. "Michelle, don't be stupid here, OK?"

Again, she stopped in her tracks. "What do you mean?"

"Maybe Venus needs a little coaching, but she doesn't want to deal with anybody yelling, and she won't. She will kick our asses out faster than you can say 'hoodley-hoo,' OK?"

Michelle nodded. "Yeah, yeah, you're right. Thanks." She started walking again, this time with a more casual step.

_Good,_ thought Ness. That was the easy part. With time and a little help, Michelle could put anything behind her. Now he had to use PSI Flash on Venus without Michelle knowing about it. It wouldn't be a disaster if she found out, but still, he wasn't ready to tell her the truth about his abilities.

---

"Molly, what am I doing to myself out there?" Venus was in her dressing room, drying herself off with a towel, talking to her manager, Molly Nowicki, about her performance. "I mean, my show is two levels shy of softcore pornography!"

"You're talking like that's not the style you're looking to go for," said Molly.

"Duh!"

"So why are you going for it?"

"I don't know!" responded Venus, "I don't want to but I just can't help myself out there! Now I've pretty much destroyed my reputation, and I don't know what's going to happen in the next act except that whatever it is, it'll be up on the Internet an hour after the final curtain!"

"So what do you want me to do about it?"

"Call it off," said Venus, "postpone the show until whenever Toppola can squeeze us in."

"No, no, no," said Molly, "I really feel for you, honey, but the show has to go on--"

"Molly, I'd be on my knees right about now, begging you to call this off, but hello there!" Two fans walking through the door, both with backstage passes dangling around their necks caused the sudden change of thought. She recognized both of them, but was only happy to see one.

A few days ago, Venus decided to make an incognito trip down to Twoson, her hometown. While there, she found a girl walking into the department store carrying a purse. The truth of the matter was that the purse was ugly, but it looked beautiful to her at the time.

She was already wearing scruffy clothing to help her blend in. All she needed was a way for her face to be unrecognizable. Even now, she found it incredible that she just so happened to borrow a car from a guy who never unpacked from an earlier ski trip. She went into his bag, grabbed his ski mask and ski cap, put them on, and waited for the girl to get out of the department store.

When she did, Venus quietly opened the car door, sneaked up behind her, grabbed the purse, and took off as fast as she could. She then took off the mask and cap, doubled back to her car through Burglin Park, and took off. She had yet to understand why she did that.

Nothing in the purse was touched - in fact, it was safe in her locker. But the fact that the same girl she robbed was now in her dressing room was really freaking her out. The best strategy she could come up with was to focus on the guy that she knew was cool. "Hey, you came in asking for an autograph once..."

"Right," said the boy, "You signed it on a banana peel."

"A banana peel?" asked the girl, "That doesn't seem very--"

"Respectful? Under normal circumstances, no," defended the boy, "but she didn't have any paper, and me, Paula, Jeff, and another friend of mine, Poo, they all went with me, right? Anyway, we really wanted that autograph. So Jeff was eating a banana at the time, once he finished it, I grabbed the banana peel, and Venus signed it."

"Neat story," said the girl.

"Yeah," said Venus. She knew that they had to know that something was wrong with her. She was too nervous to pretend like nothing was bothering her. _Relax,_ she thought to herself, _keep making small talk._ "You know," she added, "I never got your name, you were awfully quiet that day. All I knew was that--"

"I was cool with Lucky and the gang," finished the boy, "I'm Ness Franklin, and this is my girlfriend, Michelle."

The word "girlfriend" sent shockwaves through Venus's body. _Oh, crap! They gotta go now!_

"Ness Franklin, you say?" asked Molly, who walked up to Ness, "Nice to meet you, I'm Molly Nowicki, Lucky's wife and Venus's manager."

"Lucky's wife?"

"Yeah," Molly the Idiot Child boasted proudly, "I manage the Runaway Five, too."

"Molly, good to meet you," said Ness, who shook the hand of Molly the Time Staller. He then led Molly to Michelle, who shook her hand as well.

"Yeah, Molly's somebody, all right," said Venus. She finished that sentence in her head with some more qualifiers. _Molly the Loudmouth. Molly the Moron. Molly Who Is Going To Get Me Tossed Into Jail. Molly Whom I'll Never Forgive If That Girl Finds Her Purse!_ "Listen, I'm really sorry, normally these visits would be longer, but I've been feeling under the weather recently, you know?"

"Yeah," said Michelle, "I've been wanting to talk to you about that. What's up with your new act? It's disgusting. I mean, I'm not a complete fanatic or anything, but I still liked your old shows better."

"If I was 21, I'd drink to that," said Ness, "You had a more quiet thing going on. It was a lot sexier, you know? Mysterious, intriguing. Now...it's just trash now."

Venus sighed. "God's honest truth? I have no clue what's gotten into me either."

"Hmm," said Ness, "Well, good luck with Act Two."

"Thanks," said Venus, who suddenly realized all of her fears were unfounded. What reason would those two have to search her locker, anyway?

As Ness and Michelle were walking out the door, Ness stopped in his tracks. "Hey," he said, "Do you guys happen to have a camera? I doubt it, but I thought I'd ask."

"Oh, sure," said Molly, "Venus, you've got your camera in your locker, right?"

"Uh, yeah, I'll get it." _It just figures._ Venus opened her locker and pulled her camera out of her bag, careful to obstruct the view of Michelle's purse. She pulled out her Polaroid camera and immediately shut the locker. "There," she said, "There's film in it."

"You're so cool, you know that?" said Ness, "I mean, I knew it last summer, but to let me use your camera, that's just kickass."

"Least I can do," said Venus, "I feel kind of bad for kicking you out early, you know? You must've paid a lot for these passes. I mean, you were the only two that could afford them."

"Actually," said Michelle, "I won these in a bet with some misogynist. Funny story, I'd tell you about it if we had time."

"I heard all I needed to hear: you beat a misogynist. You go, girl!" _Easy, Venus, don't get cocky. Have him get the picture and get out._

"OK, just you in this picture," Ness told her. She gave the best smile she could, and then he said, "Say 'fuzzy pickles!'"

"Fuzzy pickles?"

"Some guy I knew used it. Heads up!"

Suddenly, she heard the click of the camera and she saw the light of the flash bulb, but she didn't hear the flash bulb go off. In fact, she didn't think it was the flash bulb at all that caused the light. For one thing, she could feel the light: if for only a split second, it surrounded her, engulfed her, warmed her, and when it left, it took something with it, something dark.

For the first time in a week, she felt like her old self.

She released a quiet sigh and felt relaxed. "Man," she told Ness, "You're good." It couldn't have been from the camera, not possible. But Lucky did tell her once that Ness had done some amazing things...

"Thanks," said Ness. He smiled, and Venus knew he had something to do with what had just happened. Ness took out the picture, still developing, and Venus signed the bottom part of it.

"Listen, I'm not going to do a second act. I don't like the whole 'trashy' routine, and if I go back to myself, it might be a bit of a rip-off to everybody that loves it, so..."

"OK," said Michelle, "So I guess we'll be going."

"Well, I would like to talk to Ness alone for a second. Runaway Five business."

"Sure," said Michelle, "see you outside."

"You got it," said Ness. Michelle left.

When they were alone, Venus sat down. "I don't know what you know," she said, "Or what you did, but it was something'."

"It's called flash therapy," said Ness, "I hope you're not dizzy, because your head's about to spin." Ness told Venus the very basic details of what happened to her, and she bought it, mainly because she knew that it wasn't really her that stole the purse. Or was it?

"Hold on, are you telling me that I wasn't responsible for what happened over the past week?"

"No, you weren't."

"Then can you do me a favor?" she asked. She went to her locker, still scared that Ness would throw a bit of a conniption, and took out Michelle's purse.

"What is--ohhhhh...did you touch anything inside?"

"No! Girl Scout's honor, everything's in there."

"Good. The only thing in there that Michelle really cares about are her dice. Her roleplaying dice."

"Well, still, if you could just give it back to her..."

A smirk crossed Ness's face. "OK, Winona, here's what you do." As Venus giggled, Ness grabbed the nearest piece of paper and wrote Michelle's address on it. "Tomorrow," he continued, presenting the address to Venus, "Come to Michelle's house with the purse. Say that you found it in the theater and give it to Michelle."

"Nice. I redeem myself and score some PR points, too."

"I wouldn't call it redeeming yourself, but whatever makes you happy."

"Thanks," said Venus. She planted a kiss on Ness's forehead and wiped off the lipstick with a napkin. "Wouldn't want your girlfriend to think I carried the trashy act back here."

"No, not at all," said Ness, smiling, "I'm worth many things, but a statutory rape charge isn't one of them."

"Ha! Take it easy, all right? Ask for Molly next time you're around one of my shows. She'll get you and anybody you bring with you in for free."

"Thanks! See ya!"

As Ness walked out of the dressing room, he saw Michelle next to the door, giggling. "I know about the kiss," she said with a smile, "Looks like you'll be all right in case Bruce Willis comes to town!"

Ness smiled back. "Yippie kay yay!" he added in his John McClaine voice.

---

When Paula looked up from her magazine, she found Matthew sleeping peacefully. She checked her watch: 9:07. She got up, grabbed her stuff, and quietly made her way out of the room.

_Paula,_ Ness's voice said, _how's Matt doing?_

_ Hey, Ness,_ Paula replied through telepathy, _Matt just dozed off, I'm on my way home. How was the concert?_

_Sucked. Venus was level 1._

_ GIS Level 1?_

_ Yeah. Her stage act got a little wild as a result. Somebody actually had a heartattack._

_ Interesting...hey, I just thought of something._

_ What?_

_ If Venus is a Level 1...doesn't that mean there's a level 3 around somewhere?_

_ Hey...I never thought of that..._

_ Glad I could enlighten you. I'm gonna have Jeff get in touch with me, we'll start scanning the newspapers and see what kind of sickos made the press._

_ You do that. Meanwhile, I think we're gonna spend the night here._

_ OK, have a good night. See you tomorrow._

_ You got it._

When Paula came home later that night, she sent a message to Jeff, asking him to call her at home. Five minutes later, the phone rang. Paula picked up. "Jeff, is that you?"

---

"Yeah. I'm glad all I had to do was pick up the phone this time." Jeff was calling from the drugstore just outside Snow Wood, luggage in tow.

"Yeah, yeah. Look, I have trouble finding things on the Internet. I need a hand looking for something. Specifically, news."

"What kind of news?"

"News about anything in Eagleland that a GIS Level 3 would be capable of."

"Well, that's a little difficult. I just got expelled from Snow Wood. I can make a trip down to my Dad's but it'll be till morning."

"That's fine. Ness is staying in Fourside tonight with Michelle."

"Hey, I can catch a flight down to Fourside right now and be in town in two hours."

"That'll be late, maybe I can get Poo to pick you up and take you here."

"Not a bad idea. You'll call him?"

"Sure."

"OK, see you later."

Jeff hung up and looked around for some munchies. He grabbed a can of Pringles and paid for it up front. He started munching on them until he felt someone tap him on the shoulder. Jeff turned around to find Poo. "Hey, Poo."

"Hello. Are you ready?"

"Sure." As they walked out of the drugstore, Jeff asked, "How's the house coming along?"

"Slow. It will take some work."

"Why not bring in a professional?"

"A professional?"

"There are guys specially trained to fix up houses."

"The house is something I need to fix, not a professional."

"So, he can give you an appraisal."

"Appraisal?"

"He can tell you what needs to be done and how to go about doing it."

"Hm, good idea."

The two found a clearing and teleported to Twoson.

---

"Eighty, ninety, a hundred. And those are single rooms, right?"

"Yes sir," said the concierge of the Monotoli Grand Hotel.

"Great," said Ness, "When will our rooms be ready?"

"Give us about an hour?"

"Certainly. See you then." Ness left, and Michelle followed. They got into an elevator and rode it to the top floor.

Once they got to the top floor, Ness led Michelle to another door. This door led to a staircase, which led to outside.

"Oh my God," said Michelle as she walked onto the roof. She looked around her, and could see almost the whole city from where she stood. "This is so cool," she said.

"Yeah," said Ness, "I spent some of my summer here. Late at night, when everyone was asleep, I would come up here and think about how far I've come...that is, you know, I just graduated middle school and all, I was about to enter High School, it was...it just seemed like a great place to reflect on all that."

"Of course it was," noted Michelle, "It's a cinematic place to reflect on anything."

Ness looked at her. "Cinematic?"

"Cinematic. It's the kind of area you'd expect a character in a movie to go to to reflect on things because it's so picturesque and all."

"Nice. Did you make that up?"

"For that meaning, I think so, but, you know, six billion people in the world. Who's to say somebody didn't think of it first?"

"That's a good point."

They sat there, just admiring the view. Ness looked at Michelle and suddenly Paula's kiss became ancient history. He loved the way she looked in the light of the Fourside night. Michelle looked at him and smiled. Ness leaned in, and they kissed, brief but tender, and held each other close.

Ness had been thinking about it, and he decided now, a night that felt so magical, would be a perfect time to tell Michelle what he was capable of. Or at least give her a taste. "Hey," he said, "Wanna see something cool?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Give me a small object." Michelle plucked a barrette out of her hair and gave it to Ness. He held the barrette up so that the moon turned it into a silhouette, and let the barrette go. It floated in the moonlight.

"No way!" Now Ness made the barrette dance. "You're, you're like Paula! You're psychic!"

"That's right."

"Nice! Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm kind of protective of it. I don't want to use my powers unless absolutely necessary, and I only tell people I can really trust. My parents, Tracy, Paula, Jeff, Poo, and now you."

"Hey, that's cool, I understand."

"I'm glad. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I just--"

"No, I know what it's about. Paula's the same way, or she was before the media hit."

"I didn't realize you knew her for that long."

"Yeah."

"How did you guys meet, anyway? I'm curious."

Michelle was silent for a little bit, and then she said "Well, uh, did it ever strike you odd that I grew up fine, even without my Dad's support?"

"No, but now that you mention it..."

"The Polestars took me in, kind of unofficially adopted me. Paula helped shape my conscience and stuff."

"Wow."

"Yeah." Michelle sighed and looked at the moon. "I, uh, I owe them big for that, you know?"

Ness nodded. He held Michelle a little tighter. "I'm glad you shared that with me."

"Thanks," said Michelle, resting her head on his shoulder. They stayed that way until the hour was up. Then they took their rooms and turned in.

The phone awakened Ness the next morning. He picked it up and said "Hello?"

"Mr. Franklin? There are three people here to see you."

"Who are they?"

"Paula Polestar, Jeff Andonuts, and Poo Mishinta."

Ness sat up in his bed. "Yeah, send them up right away."

He heard a knock on the door two minutes later. "Morning, Ness," said Paula, "We didn't find anything on the Internet, but as Jeff was going for a bakery run...well, look for yourself." Paula threw Ness his complimentary copy of the Fourside Post. Ness looked at it and saw the headline "LINKED." Three grainy pictures of various girls, implying death, hung at the left side under the headline.

On the right side under the headline was the sub-headline. "Police say murders are work of serial killer." Intrigued, Ness opened the paper and read the story.

It all started with Lisa Granalcohol. She was 17 years old, and she lived in Onett. Two hours before she was pronounced, her mother got a phone call from her. She told her how much she loved her and wished her well. She was then tossed in the path of a delivery truck.

Next was Josephine LeFeu. She was 13 years old, and she lived in Fourside. Her parents got the same phone call two hours before she died. Her body was discovered, burned to death.

Kristine Perle was 19, attending Twoson College from Southampton, New York. Her boyfriend got the phone call, and then she was strangled to death by what the coroner later determined to be her own necklace based on the welts around her neck.

Police, led by Captain Arnold Strong of Onett P.D. (who happened to be close to Lisa's mother), had suspected that Lisa might have been the first victim of a serial killer when they found that Josephine's parents got a similar phone call two hours before their death. However, they didn't want to alert the public to it, so they kept it quiet until the third murder. They called it a serial then. The newspapers called him "The Teenage Fatalist."

Ness slowly put down the paper. He was sickened, saddened, mad at God, mad at humanity. Yet he dared not show it, not yet anyway. "That's our guy?"

"That's our guy," said Jeff.

---

Some may ask why Chief Strong was leading the investigation because they grew up on certain cop movies. You know the type, where the hero's partner gets killed by the bad guy, and the hero has to investigate on his own because for some odd reason, the crazy captain won't let people investigate the deaths of those close to them. This doesn't happen, however, if the hero is Eagleland's most intimidating top cop. This doesn't happen if the hero is Chief Strong.

After Ness and the gang dropped Michelle off, they went over to the Onett police department and asked to speak with Chief Strong. They waited for thirty minutes, and then were led into his office.

"Captain," greeted Ness as he and the gang walked in.

"Hello, Ness," responded Strong as they took a seat around his desk.

"Let me introduce the rest of us," said Ness, "I'm sure you've seen Paula Polestar on--"

"Ness, all you have is five minutes. So you better make this snappy."

"Understandable, I know how busy you are with this case, and we would like to help."

"Help? Help how?"

"We'd like to find the Teenage Fatalist for you," said Paula.

Strong closed his eyes for a second. He looked like he didn't know what to say for a couple of seconds, until he opened his mouth. "Ness, someone of your ability, I would love for you to help, but...technically, I can't do that."

"Technically?" asked Jeff, "So there is a way we can help?"

"All I can tell you is the same, excuse me, horseshit thing I've been saying in press conferences: keep your eyes open, call us if you see or hear something suspicious.

"It usually works, but its rarely made or broken a case...wait, Ness, Paula, you're psychics, right?"

"Yeah, so is Poo." Ness pointed to Poo.

"Nice to meet you," Poo told Strong.

"You too," replied Strong, "What about the blonde kid?"

"I'm Jeff. I don't have any psychic power."

"Doesn't matter. Are you essential to their operation?"

"Yes," the four said at the same time.

"Obviously so. So since I have a 'need' for your assistance, I can deputize you four even if you're not 18. You'll have full access to police reports, autopsies, forensic labs, all that stuff under my supervision. That sound good to you?"

"Yes sir," said Ness and Paula.

"Sure does," said Jeff.

"Yes," said Poo.

"Great. Tomorrow, 8 AM, come here. I'll take you through a one hour training course, and you'll be official deputies of the Onett Police Force. I should tell you right off the bat, though: we have no new information pertaining to the Teenage Fatalist. What the papers know is what we know."

"But we will have access to new information," asked Ness.

"Once you pass the training course, and that shouldn't be a problem at all. So, tell me, why are you so interested in the Teenage Fatalist?"

"Well," said Ness, "We'd tell you, but I think our five minutes are up."

"Actually," said Strong, "You have another minute."

"Can you keep an open mind?" asked Ness.

"After seeing what you're capable of? Sure."

Ness took a deep breath. "We think he's under an evil spell."

"Oh-ho, that's rich! I buy it, but that's really something! What do you have to do to him? Point a stick at him and say 'bibbity-bobbity-boo?'"

"Actually," said Paula, "There is no cure. We have to lock him up."

"Or kill him," said Ness, darkly.

"Ness, it hasn't come to that yet, so let's hold our horses."

"Actually," said Strong, "killing him doesn't sound like a terrible idea."

"I would imagine," said Paula, "I read about Lisa."

Strong was silent. He made a slight nod, and then he said, "You know, you would've liked Lisa, all of you. I'm not saying that because I really know you, which I don't, but...she, uh, everybody liked her, and she liked everybody. You wouldn't believe it. She was such a calm, peaceful person...yeah, you really would've liked her."

"I'm sorry it had to end the way it did," said Ness.

Strong sighed. "You know what really makes me mad about the whole thing? Lisa believed that people were generally good. I think that's the thing I liked most about her, the fact that she...she had faith that no matter what was happening, there was always hope for her, hope for all of us. Now, I know that she's in a better place, and I know that she's always with me, her mother, her family and her friends, but...what bothers me is, does she still believe it now? Does, does she still believe that everything's going to be all right?" Strong took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," he said.

"No, sir," said Paula, "I lost a very close friend of mine when I was in 5th grade. I know what you're going through, and it's all right."

Strong nodded. "I think your five minutes are up. See you tomorrow." The gang got out of their seats and headed out the door. "Oh," said Strong, stopping the four in their tracks, "Thank you. Thank you all. I really appreciate this."

"Forget it," said Ness, "It's our job."

------

(A/N #2: fanwritings.com is not meant to spoof fanfiction.net in any way. It's simply another (fictional) site seprate from fanfiction.net with fewer regulations (which means more crap gets in).)


	5. Mixed Bizness

(Author's Note: In the very wise words of one Bluto Blutarsky, "NOTHING IS OVER UNTIL [I] DECIDE IT IS!" I'm very sorry for the excessive wait, everyone. From now on, I'm going to plan out my episodes a little more thoroughly so that I know what I want to do next. I don't know if it will speed things up overall, but I'm positive that it'll make sure you never have to endure an UNHOLY four months between episodes, because that was my biggest problem: I constantly had to ask myself, "Now what?"

I'm also positive that it'll prevent certain drawings from "accidentally" being doused with gasoline and lit on fire in the future, hmm?

Enjoy the story!)

---

January 2nd has a feeling all its own for those that attend school. Break is over, and few people want to go in. It's rough on students and teachers alike, although teachers seem to do a better job of hiding it.

When Ness Franklin drifted into his first period class like a soulless nothing, nobody was surprised; they were all soulless nothings. Except for the teacher, he was acting more peppy than usual. As a matter of fact, the teacher, who was supposed to be a "she," was a "he."

"OK, gentlemen," said the teacher in a highly nasal voice, "I'm here to take over your Earth Science course. My name is Mr. Nowicki." The teacher wrote his name on the board.

Ness looked at Mr. Nowicki and thought he was dressing to get his ass kicked. He wore large thick-rimmed glasses, a white formal shirt with a red tie, black slacks, and black leather shoes. His hair was parted in the middle. Yet Ness couldn't help but think that he had seen Mr. Nowicki somewhere before. Even the name seemed familiar.

"Yes? You have a question?" asked Mr. Nowicki.

"What happened to Mrs. Sehorn?" asked Danielle Evergine.

"Mrs. Sehorn is on maternity leave," said Mr. Nowicki. Girls cooed because babies are cute, guys groaned because Mrs. Sehorn was hot. "Who else has a question?"

"Yeah," said Frank Norton, who sat next to Ness, "are you suicidal?"

"Why would you suggest that, Mr..."

"Meoff. Jack." Everybody laughed except Ness, who never found Frank funny at all.

"OK, Mr. Jack Meoff," said Mr. Nowicki without breaking a sweat. Everybody was rolling right about now. Even Ness chuckled, but he still thinking about where he may have seen Mr. Nowicki before. "AHEM," Mr. Nowicki cleared his throat in a futile effort to calm down the class. "**AHEM.**" He cleared his throat again, louder and more effective. "As I was saying, Mr. Meoff, why don't you introduce yourself to Mrs. Sorbell?"

"OK, I'm sorry."

"Good."

For the next forty minutes, Mr. Nowicki tried to teach an introduction to the weather unit with mixed results. Only those interested were listening. The others were drawing doodling and throwing paper balls. Ness was just trying to figure out where the hell he recognized Mr. Nowicki from.

At the end of the period, Ness had an answer. He thought he should be excited, but he didn't think he could be sure unless he asked. So as everyone was packing up, Ness went up to Mr. Nowicki and tapped him on the shoulder.

Mr. Nowicki turned around and looked at Ness, who then shared his answer with him: "Lucky?"

Mr. Nowicki leaned in, pursed his lips, and put a finger up. "SsssshÉ"

EarthBound: The Perpetual Adventures

Episode 5: Mixed Bizness

By Michael DePalma

Technically, only seniors could leave school grounds during lunch periods and study halls. Ness, however, knew the right people and could slip away during ninth period lunch even though he was only a freshman.

The route was quick and painless. First, he would head down the steps at the end of the foreign language hall, and take the side entrance at the bottom of those steps to reach the teacher's parking lot. Then he'd get his bike, which was in a locking rack next to the doors, and then go through the parking lot past the gates. He'd wave to the cops-cum-security guards on the way out - they had his back since he put the hurt on Captain Strong last summer. Then he'd go down the street to Down Home Burgers and buy his lunch.

Today, though, on his way down the foreign language hallway, a voice stopped him. "Ness, wait up!" Ness stopped in his tracks and rolled his eyes. _Jesus, not her, anyone but her._ He turned around to come face to face with Lauren Pierce.

Lauren was a striking, overdeveloped blonde freshman who had tormented Ness since middle school through various means, usually flirtation. These days, she was going out with a senior that played football--not that that stopped her advances toward Ness.

"So I told Chester about how badly you wanted to do me, right?" Chester was the aforementioned senior boyfriend. The very strong, very cruel, and very emotionally unstable senior boyfriend.

"Lauren," Ness groaned, "What are you talking about? I never said that!"

"Well, you had that look in your eye, that 'I-wanna-rip-your-clothes-off' look." Lauren looked at him, daring him to say otherwise.

Ness took this opportunity to bury his face in both of his hands and reflect on how unequivocally insane Lauren was. "Lauren," he groaned when he pulled his hands away, "To you, _every_ look is an 'I-wanna-rip-your-clothes-off' look!"

Lauren giggled. "Yeah, that's true. You know why?" Lauren thrust her chest into Ness's face, not touching, but close. "Because I want people to do that." A naughty grin crossed her face.

As turned on as he was, Ness's better judgment managed to come through in the clutch. "Hell no!" he exclaimed as he walked away.

"Come on, Ness," seduced Lauren, following Ness like a lost puppy in heat, "I'm on fire! I want you to put me out!"

"That's cool. Any excuse to piss on you is a good one." Ness kept walking.

Lauren let out a frustrated groan. "You'll be sorry, Ness!" she shouted after him, "You just passed up the best piece of ass you'll ever have!"

"I would be sorry," Ness shouted without looking behind him, "Except your boyfriend's been complaining about a painful burning sensation in his crotch lately!"

"What?" Ness heard Lauren shout as he went down the staircase.

Ness ate at Down Home Burgers that day. He looked down at his burger to pick it up and take a hearty bite from it. When he looked back up, there was John "Lucky" Nowicki in his teacher's uniform, two burgers in front of him.

Ness's stomach did a quick turn before he realized who it was. "Geez, Lucky," said Ness, "How's 'bout saying 'Can I sit here?'"

"Can I sit here?" asked Lucky.

Ness took a deep breath. "Sure, man," he replied as Lucky took a seat. "Didn't realize you came here."

"Down Home Burgers? Hell yeah! These are BETTER than what Mom used to make! On tour, we'd stop at any Down Home we knew about in the area and get a damn lot of these things."

"That's cool."

"Hey," said Lucky, "What class're you cuttin'?"

"Oh, well if that's how you're gonna be," said Ness. He pulled his backpack up to the chair next to him and rummaged around in it until he found a copy of his schedule. He took it out and showed Lucky. "See," he noted, "Period nine, lunch."

"Ouch," said Lucky as Ness got a mouthful of cheeseburger, "That can't be fun. I'll let this slide, but if you get caught, I tried to stop you but you told me I couldn't possibly understand."

"Understand what?"

"I dunno. You're a teenager. You guys tell us that we don't understand anything."

"Fair enough," said Ness.

They ate their burgers in silence until Ness asked the question he had been meaning to ask since he first learned of Lucky's secret identity. "So you're a teacher now?"

"I have been," said Lucky, after he wolfed down a bite of burger, "Substitute teaching is a way of keeping myself busy between recording sessions and tours. I actually have a lot of fun with it."

"Interesting," said Ness, "So the Runaway Five's taking a break?"

"Don't worry," said Lucky, "We're back in the studio this summer."

"Nice," said Ness, "When's it coming out? I'll save the date."

"Not sure yet, but 'Save the Date' sounds like a damn fine album title, don't you agree?"

"Yeah, it does. But, hey, I was about to say that it's a shame you're taking a break. Winter Formal's coming up--"

"Oh, we're booked for winter formal. Don't you worry about that."

"Nice! It's about time that we didn't have to listen to some crap DJ spin some crap songs on some crap turntable."

"Amen," said Lucky. They banged their Dr. Pepper bottles and took a swig from them. Lucky gulped and asked, "So, you need a date? I know a couple of--wait, you're going out with that girl, Paula, right?"

"Paula?" A quick reminder of the hospital visit shook Ness up. "Well, no, I'm not going out with her, but it's funny you should mention her name. Let me ask you something."

"Shoot."

Ness took a swig of Dr. Pepper, cleared his throat, found his phrasing, and then used it. "Has a girl ever kissed you, just to be friendly? I mean, she didn't mean it as, like an 'I love you' type of thing?"

"Yeah, a few times. But, you know, I'm like a celebrity down here. What happened, Paula kissed you?"

"Yeah, she did. But she said it was a friendly kiss."

"Hang on, she kisses you and you don't feel anything for her?"

"Well, I'm already going out with this other girl, Michelle. And anyway, I kind of think of Paula as my sister, you know?"

"Understandable," noted Lucky, "You've been through a lot together, ya know? Hey, maybe that's why she kissed ya. Maybe she thinks of you as her big brother or somethin'."

"Hmm," Ness thought aloud, "I never thought of that before." Ness scarfed down the last of his burger and finished his Dr. Pepper. He got out of his seat, "Lucky, I'm gonna get out of here. Great seeing you again."

Lucky extended his hand and Ness took it. "Same here," said Lucky, "Take it easy. See you tomorrow."

"You got it."

He came home that day to find Mom sitting on the couch watching her favorite soap opera, "The Whole Wide World." Ness greeted her. "Hey, Ma--"

"Sh sh SH!" she interrupted, putting a finger up to Ness without breaking eye contact with the TV. Ness walked behind the couch to see what inspired the usual rudeness from Mom while she was watching her soaps.

"But WHY, Harold? Just tell me WHY you DID THAT to her!"

"Because she's my sister, Julia! And I hate her! I HATE HER!"

"But Harold, she's not your sister! She's your aunt! I'M YOUR SISTER!"

Ness rolled his eyes while Mom's never left the screen. As the show went to commercials, Mom turned to Ness. "I'm sorry sweetie," she said, "You know how I get when I'm watching 'The Whole Wide World.'"

"I know," said Ness, "You were watching 'The Whole Wide World' ever since I was being nursed."

"That's right," said Mom, "God, you've grown up so fast. I mean, it feels like last week when I sent you off to your first day of school, and tomorrow I'm going to meet this new girl you've been talking about so much, what's her name?"

"Michelle."

"Right, right, right. You know, she seems like an incredible girl from what you've been telling me."

"She is, Ma. I told you all about her relationship with the Polestars, right?"

"Yes! Which reminds me, what is she doing about a dress?"

"A dress? For the dance? Gee, I don't know."

---

Samantha's was a popular dress shop in the Twoson Department Store. It was one of those stores that boasted a perfect marriage of price and style that attracted all teenage girls who wanted to look nice, but not pretentious. Every town had at least one of those stores, and Twoson was no different.

Michelle and Paula walked into Samantha's and were immediately greeted by a uniformed sales rep with red hair and freckles. She wore a nametag with the Samantha's logo and "COURTNEY" printed on it.

"Can I help you?" asked Courtney.

"Hey," said Paula, "My friend here needs a dress for her boyfriend's dance."

"Really? There's a dance coming up?"

"In Onett there is," said Michelle.

"Oh!"

"Yeah," said Michelle, "Listen, I'm low on money and tight on time. Is that going to be a problem?"

"Time's not really an issue. What kind of budget are you working with?"

"Let's play by ear," said Michelle, "This is my first time dress shopping, and I can't tell the difference."

"The average price for a dress is...um..." Courtney turned to a brunette at the cash register. "Hey, Jill," she asked, "How much does a dress cost, on the average?"

"Uh," replied Jill, "About eighty dollars."

"Hmm," said Michelle, "Do you have anything for about sixty?"

"Uh...I don't know for sure, but I think we can do that. Look, let's just do your thing: we'll play it by ear. Just follow me, we'll take some measurements, and I'll hook you up with something cool."

"Sounds great," said Michelle, "Let's get started."

Courtney took Michelle's measurements and disappeared into another room with the promise that she'd be right back. When she was gone, Paula turned to Michelle.

"Michelle," she said, "Don't worry about price, OK? Mom and Dad are handling this one."

Michelle closed her eyes, shook her head. "I'm really sorry about this," she said, irritated.

"What are you sorry for?"

The words arrived cold, leaving little to the imagination: "Pops being a lazy bitch."

This caught Paula by complete surprise. Not only was this the first time Michelle was visibly angry at her father, this was also the very first time she heard anybody call a man a "bitch." "Whoa," she said, "You OK? I never--"

"I know, I know. But he's putting you on the spot, I feel really bad about it."

Paula took Michelle by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. "Michelle, I'm going to say this again, and I hope you get it straight this time. Your dad is not much of a dad. I honestly don't know how you live with him."

Michelle blushed. "He's actually serves as comic relief," she said, "He doesn't hit me, and I can take care of myself, so it's not a problem."

"Oh, of course," said Paula, "But everyone needs a family, right? Well, we're happy to be yours."

Michelle nodded. "Thanks," she said, smiling.

Courtney came back with a few dresses. She separated one dress from the rest of them, a strapless navy blue empress dress. "This one's about eighty-five," said Courtney, "But I think it'll really work for you. Give it a shot. I've got cheaper dresses that'll do the trick, too, but, yeah, I think you should try this one on."

Michelle looked at Paula, who smiled and nodded. "Thanks," said Michelle, who politely took the dress from Courtney.

---

He loaded up the MP3 player and double clicked the song he wanted. He alternated between tighening and loosening up his leg in time with the rhythm that was starting to form.

"Get roll wit' da fever on tha dance floor!"

Now the rhythm was in full force, and he busted out into his finest breakdancing moves his heavyset body could do. Really, all it was was some shaking, sidestepping, and random jumping around, but he felt invogorated enough to launch into the words.

"Now who got da fever for the flayve? Who can dig da way that I flex on a track--I'm causin' rampage, ricky-rick on point wit da 9-5 style from ma lip that be rollin' da mad joints! So put yer hands in tha air, cuz there's a party over here, so grab yourself a beer--"

A sudden knock on the door snapped Robert Jones, AKA Apple Kid, out of his karaoke trance. Apple Kid stopped the song and went over to the door to open it. When he did, the smile that crossed his face might as well have gone up to his eyes. "There you are!" exclaimed Apple Kid as he slapped Jeff's hand and turned it into a handshake, "Paula told me what went on with you a few days ago!"

"Ah, you two got close?" asked Jeff.

"No, she just happened to run into me," replied Apple Kid, "We're still as close as we were last summer." Jeff nodded. That was not close at all, really. Apple Kid usually just talked to Ness and Jeff, and said an occasional few words to Paula.

Apple Kid waved Jeff in. As Jeff walked through the doorway, he nearly tripped on a set of tools. "Sorry about that," said Apple Kid as he pushed the tools into a vacant spot in the room.

Jeff shrugged it off. "I kept tools by my doorway back at Snow Wood."

"Speaking of," said Apple Kid, "How'd you get expelled from Snow Wood? Did you finally blow up the school?"

"Nah, I was caught lip-synching to a rock 'n roll song."

"Even for a conservative area, that doesn't seem--"

"On stage, during a party in the green room, in my underwear. Then I blew up the CD player."

"Whoa...you went on stage in your underwear?"

"Well, desperate times, you know?"

"Yeah, yeah. Hey, sit down. Make yourself comfortable. If you can, that is, you know how I am."

"Sure, sure, think nothing of it." Jeff brushed some crud off a nearby beanbag chair and plopped down onto it.

"I'm just gonna get something to eat. Hungry?"

"No, but if you have any Sprite, that would be nice. Otherwise, don't worry about it."

"Sure thing."

As Apple Kid disappeared into the kitchen, it gave Jeff a better chance to look around. Apple Kid was as disorganized and dirty as ever. His pet mouse was already picking up the crumbs that Jeff dusted off the bean bag, and Jeff could swear that a group of ants were having a picnic somewhere not far away. There was a tolerable yet nonetheless repugnant stench in the air that seemed to be coming from his bedroom, and Jeff couldn't help but hope that he never had to find out what was behind that door.

"So," Apple Kid called from the kitchen, "Are you living with your Dad now?"

"No," said Jeff, "There's a big thing coming up, big Chosen Four thing,"

"Oh, yeah," called Apple Kid, "Paula told me about that too. GIS or something?"

"Yeah," said Jeff, "That's why I got myself expelled; I need to be in Eagleland for it, so I'm looking for a place here."

"You've got really good timing," said Apple Kid as he waddled back into the main room, two Sprite cans and a hamburger in his hands. He tossed a Sprite to Jeff, and then had a seat. "It just so happens that Orange Kid's selling his house."

Jeff was already alert enough, but hearing that suddenly gave him Superman's ears. "Orange Kid's moving out? Great! I asked Paula for help with house-hunting, but she shot me this really dirty look, I just decided not to go there...why's he moving?"

"That dumb Suporma of his. Some asshole used it in a prank at Snow Wood and now they're selling like hotcakes on Amazon." Apple Kid shoved a quarter of his hamburger into his mouth and took a minute to chew and swallow it down. Clearing his throat, he asked, "You wouldn't happen to have anything to do with that, would you?"

"Well," said Jeff, "My lips have been looking a little puckered lately."

"Ha! Well, thanks to you, he's all full of himself. A few minutes before he came over to gloat, I heard him chanting 'I am the greatest!' all the way from his house. So I'm betting that he jacked up the price of his house."

"I can talk the price down."

"Oh, yeah? To what?"

"One story house, one bathroom, one bedroom, advanced laboratory, kitchen, den...seventy thousand dollars."

"Don't forget that it's fully furnished."

"Seventy-five thousand, then."

"It's on."

---

"You're a prince, right? I call you Your Highness?"

Poo Mishinta looked at Eric Billings, the contractor he brought in to do an estimate on his house. Eric looked to be about twenty-five or twenty-six, but he seemed to have a good head on his shoulders and a kind heart in his chest. "Only in Dalaam, Eric," said Poo.

"Then what can I call you?" asked Eric.

"You may call me Poo."

Eric bit his lip. "Mmm...can I call you Mr. Mishinta? Or Prince Mishinta?"

"Mr. Mishinta is fine," said Poo.

Eric nodded and said, "OK, Mr. Mishinta. May I be blunt? I don't think I can express my feelings about this house--"

"By all means," calmed Poo, "Go ahead."

Eric took a deep breath in. "I could take a, a crap in a box and sell it for higher than this property is worth. How much did you buy this for?"

"Seventy-five hundred dollars."

"Pricey even for this hellhole, but--pardon my French."

"Please," explained Poo, "Do not look upon me as royalty. I am very interested in the behaviors of those outside Dalaam. As you can imagine, I do not get many opportunities to leave my country. So if you are a vulgar person by nature, you may feel free to be so. I am sorry for interrupting, please continue."

Eric nodded and said, "Don't worry about it, Mr. Mishinta. Anyway, as I was saying, it's in the ballpark of fair. How else would you explain a house as big as this for only $7500? You get what you pay for, after all."

"I should point out that I knew what was wrong with this house before I bought it," mentioned Poo, "I asked you to come here so I know how to go about fixing the many things that are wrong."

"Well, about that," said Eric, "I know you had hopes of getting this done on your own, but that'll be damn near impossible. Could take you years."

"Then it will take years," stated Poo.

"If you even get it done at all," Eric stressed.

Poo looked at him with unreadable eyes. He blinked as he tried to comprehend the task that lay before him.

"Listen," offered Eric, "I know it'll be a lot of money, but my family and I can get the rough stuff done in two months, three at most: getting that back wall erected, the floors re-planked, and the electrical wiring up to code, for starters. The rest, such as a fresh coat of paint, installing carpet, and general clean up of the area, we can leave that to you."

Poo thought to himself. As much as he wanted to get this done for his own peace of mind, the temptation to take Eric up on his offer was quite strong. The only possible solution he could come up with was to meditate on the decision before him, allowing Mu to guide him in the right direction.

"I have an Idea, Eric," said Poo, "What is your phone number?"

"555-9786," recited Eric.

"If I decide to use your help, I shall give you a call."

"That's great! Call anytime during our office hours, we'll be down whenever we can."

"Thank you, Eric."

"No sweat."

---

Jeff walked next door to Harry "Orange Kid" Smith's house and knocked on the door. After a minute, the door opened. "Well, Jeffery, how are you?"

"OK, Orange Kid--"

"Please, it's O.K."

"I'm sure it is, Orange--"

"No, no, no, Jeffery, my name, call me O.K."

Jeff was perplexed, but he played along. "O.K.," Jeff resigned, "Look, your house is for sale, right?"

"Yes, for five hundred thousand dollars."

"Right, I was think--wait, **five hundred thousand?** Are you senseless?"

O.K. used rationale that seemed to only make sense to him: "I'm just in demand, baby."

"Baby?" This was getting absurd. Jeff wanted to beat the crap out of Orange Kid, O.K., Super, Fabulous, whatever the hell his name was now. "Look, this house is worth seventy five thousand, no more, no less!"

"Well, because of my newfound fame, the property value has gone up."

"You say! This is outrageous! Five hundred thousand? Your house is not worth half a million dollars. Albert Einstein's first house isn't worth half a million dollars! Now get off your high horse and sell this house for a fair price!"

"OK, OK, look. Since your friend, Jess, kicked some funding over to me all that time ago, I'll drop my price for you."

Jeff was confused at first, but then remembered that Ness had donated money to both Apple Kid and Orange Kid. "Thank you," said Jeff, "And his name was Ness."

"You're welcome, Jeff. So for $499,800, this house is yours."

Jeff did a double take. "Wha--? That's only two hundred dollars less!"

"Because Bess--"

"Ness!"

"Because Ness donated two hundred dollars! That's fair!"

Jeff didn't know how, but he managed to keep his hands away from Orange Kid's throat. However, it didn't mean he found a way to censor himself. "IT WAS HIS FREAKIN' DONATION THAT ALLOWED YOU TO MAKE THE SUPORMA IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU BLOODY WANKER!"

"My, my, my, Jeff," responded Orange Kid, with a faux cool that didn't do much to disguise the fear of God that Jeff suddenly put in him, "Why use such words when you're not British?"

Jeff was shaking, "You...gah...Youse...sss...to hell with you, you goddamn...incross!" Jeff stormed back to Apple Kid's house.

---

Midnight came and Ness was out of bed. Actually, he had been in bed ten minutes before, but he lay awake then, trying to figure out whether to get out of bed and bring in the garbage he forgot about, or just leave it in and take it out for the next pickup in a couple of days. It probably wasn't that big of a deal: there was only one can he had to take out that night. Still, it was bugging him, nagging at him like that pimple that wouldn't go away no matter how much you scrubbed it or how hard you squeezed it. So he decided to get out of bed and bring in the garbage.

Quietly he made his way through the hallway and down the steps. It was creepy at first, no lights on in the entire house. Ness felt around for the light switch on the left wall next to the staircase. Having found it, he flipped it on and made his way through the living room, a more comfortable stride in his step. Quietly he opened the door to the sound of a car driving by--

SPLACK! SPLACK! Ness recoiled back and fell to the ground. As he picked himself back up, he heard a pair of voices, laughing that laugh people laugh when the plan they come up with goes off better than they intended for reasons they didn't plan on. He looked down at the ground and saw the eggshells that told the story of what he saw when he looked down at his favorite pair of pajamas.

He looked straight ahead and recognized the face of one of the laughers. _Should've known..._ "Hey, Chester!"

Chester Micalay, Lauren Pierce's aforementioned strong, cruel, and emotionally unstable senior football player of a boyfriend, looked at Ness and revealed a blue glint in his eyes. "What? You got something to say?"

"No, but my foot would like to have a conversation with your ass."

Chester's lackey said, "Oh, we're so scared of a widdle freshman." The sarcasm in his voice was cutting to the point of absurdity.

"Widdle?" Ness asked, incredulously. He chuckled and then quipped, "Wow, Mr. Mouthpiece, you impress me. I wasn't expecting your insults to be on the fifth-grade level."

"Whatever," said Chester, "Everybody knows that you're all talk and no action."

"Oh, you want action? Step on my lawn and get some."

"Unless you wanna get some, you stay the hell away from Lauren!"

"Lauren will do a porn shoot for five dollars, and nobody even has to pretend that she's modeling something. Believe me, I'm the least of your troubles."

"What the shit is that supposed to mean?"

"What do you think it means?"

"That's it!"

Chester scrambled out of the car and came towards Ness. Ness threw his fists up, ready to get it on. He would let Chester throw the first punch, a move Ness regretted since Chester's first move was a tackle. Ness went down, Chester on top of him, and Chester delivered a hard right cross. He got off another one before he started hearing sirens. "I'll see you later, bitch," Chester shouted as he dashed back to the already moving Jeep. They shouted back "PUSSY!"

Ness laughed as he used his PSI power to heal himself. After all, they were the ones running away.

The sirens got louder. Ness saw a single police car pull up to the house. Two officers ran out. "Mr. Franklin," asked one of them, "Are you OK?"

"Easy on the ass-kissing, officers," said Ness, "I'm OK, he didn't hurt me, I'm not filing any charges."

"He didn't hurt you," asked the other officer, "Or he did and you just healed yourself?" Ness recognized the officer - Phillips - as one of the cops he faced down when Chief Strong tried to ambush him. Phillips had delivered a particularly nasty blow in that fight, forcing Ness to heal himself in front of him.

"I just healed myself, Phillips," said Ness, "You didn't--"

"It's between me, my partner, and whoever else was in the room at that time," said Phillips.

"And neither of us breathed a word," said his partner.

"I really appreciate that, officers."

"Who'd believe us, anyway?"

"Yeah, that's true. Hey, who called you guys?"

Right on cue, Mom came out holding two cups of coffee. "Do you officers mind Hazelnut?" she asked.

"Coffee's coffee," said Phillips, taking a cup with his left hand while shaking the free hand with his right, "I'm officer Phillips, this is officer Glenn."

"Officer Glenn," Ness said, extending his hand to shake Glenn's, "Nice to meet you."

"An honor to meet the boy who beat up James," said Glenn, taking Ness's hand, "Unfair advantage or not."

"Very unfair advantage," James Phillips added, without the slightest hint of ill will.

"OK, so you don't want to press charges?" asked Glenn.

"No, guys, I'll handle this myself."

"Ness," said Mom, "You're not talking about--"

"No, I'm not going to kill him or anything, I'm just concerned that you guys'll get overeager like you did with Mrs. Minch."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," said Phillips, "Jonesy, Thomson, Derril, Hart, they all saw her pull a gun. That's why they got rowdy."

Ness's memory caused him to roll his eyes. "Let me guess," he said, "it turned out to be a cigarette lighter."

"Yeah," said Glenn, finishing his coffee, "a cigarette lighter shaped like a pistol. Of all the boneheaded moves..."

"Yeah," said Ness, "I remember hanging out with her son, Pokey, when I was younger. She'd pull that thing out all the time, it would scare the crap out of me."

Phillips said, "What an idiot. Apparently she's going to make a full recovery, though, so give us some credit."

"I know Mrs. Minch sure as hell won't," added Glenn, "There's a pool going on at headquarters over how much she's going to sue for."

Ness turned to his mother. "Ma, you talked to Mr. Minch, how much are the hospital bills going for?"

"Uh...twenty-five thousand, their insurance is covering half."

Ness turned back to Phillips and Glenn. "I'm putting twenty bucks on a hundred million."

"Nice. There's five to one odds on that."

"Sweet. I'll drop by headquarters on Saturday to place it."

"We'll be waiting."

Glenn and Phillips left shortly after that, and Ness and his mother retired back into the house. Ness threw his pajamas in the wash and went back to bed.

He thought about the sleep he missed out on, he thought about how badly Chester wanted to slit his throat, and he thought about Lauren cheering him on. Most of all, he thought about why he couldn't just do the right thing and flash Chester.

He put all those thoughts together into one main thought as he drifted to sleep: _Tomorrow's gonna suck._

---

Early next morning, Paula pulled three eggs out of a bowl of hot water and cracked them over her Holy Frying Pan. "He's calling himself O.K.?" she asked.

"Yeah," said Jeff, "It's utterly retarded."

"OK, why deal with him?" asked Paula as she laid three slices of cheese onto the bed of eggs, "Find another house." She reached for the diced ham and then stopped. "I'm sorry, Jeff, are you still a vegetarian?"

"What are you talking about? I ate plenty of burgers over the summer."

"Yeah," said Paula, who grabbed the diced ham and started adding it to the omlette, "but you said you were a vegetarian--"

"--Because that was Snow Wood's meal plan."

"Ah..." Paula used a spatula to fold the bed of eggs in half. "Your omlette should be ready soon."

"Thanks, Paula. You know, I would be able to find a house with much less difficulty if I had some help."

Paula stopped what she was doing at that moment and looked at Jeff. "Do you know EXACTLY what you're looking for?"

"Well, not at the moment."

Paula spatulaed the omlette out of the pan and into a plate. She gave the plate to Jeff and said, "Then I can't help you. Dig in." Paula then walked over to the phone in the den.

Jeff took his first bite of the omlette and moaned in delight. "Wow, Paula, this is amazing!" he shouted.

"Well, duh," Paula called back, "the pan is blessed!" She smiled to herself and picked up the phone just as it started ringing. "What's up, Ness?"

"Hey, Paula," said Ness, "Am I interrupting something?"

"Absolutely not," said Paula, "Everything all right?"

"I have a question I have to ask you," said Ness, "Well, I know the answer, really, but I think I have to hear you say it."

"Whatever," said Paula, "What's your problem?"

"There's this girl, she torments me a lot--"

"Well, Ness," interrupted Paula, "Michelle really loves Counterstrike, it doesn't mean--"

Ness chuckled. "No, no, she, heh, this is a different girl, she told her boyfriend, this real asshole, picks on a lot of people, she told him that I made a move on her."

"Oh brother," groaned Paula.

"It gets better," continued Ness, "He's GIS Level 1."

"Did you flash him?" asked Paula.

"No," said Ness, "See, this is the question I know the answer to. I know I can beat this guy down, but...you know, I've seen too many after-school specials about violence not being the right answer."

"So you want me to help you get rid of the temptation to kick his butt so you can do the right thing and cure him, correct?"

"Yeah, that's about the size of it."

"Well, Ness," confessed Paula, "I can't really do that."

"Why, temptation is something I have to rid myself of?"

"No, because one, you could do both, and two, I don't always agree with the after-school special explanation."

There was a short moment of silence, followed by a very perturbed sounding "Excuse me?"

"If this guy is tormenting you and others, somebody's gotta step up!" exclaimed Paula, "I'm all for peace, Ness, God knows I am. But if some people won't allow for peace, then sometimes the only course of action is war!"

There was another moment of silence, longer than the last one. Paula could tell that Ness was shaking his head. "I'm...I'm sorry," muttered Ness, "but I just...I never expected you to say something like that."

Paula suddenly became frightened that she had freaked Ness out, and quickly tried to recover her image. "Well, you know..." she fumbled, "Some people just need to be regulated, and that's that." Paula saw Ness, in his room, nodding his head ever so slightly. "So here's what you do," said Paula, "Flash the guy first, and then see if you wanna beat him down." Paula paused for a second, thinking that it was all that had to be said, wishing there could be more. And then she remembered Matthew, from her first meeting with him. _Stage 1 is indicated by a blue glint. They can be saved with PSI Flash, that is, if theyÕre willing to be saved._

"Also," noted Paula, feeling more confident now that she had a more plausible explanation for her outburst, "Don't forget that Matthew said that you could only flash Level 1s that were willing to be saved. Do you honestly think that a guy like...wait, what's his name?"

"Chester."

Paula bust into a short fit of laughter. "The school bully is named Chester?" she remarked.

"Yeah, sure," said Ness, matter-of-factly, "It's not like football jocks call themselves 'Tank' anymore."

"All right, all right," said Paula, "Me and Jeff have to get ready for school. Have fun with Chester."

"Bite me."

"Nice talking to you too," Paula said with a sardonic smile.

"Have a good day."

"You too, Ness. Have fun at the dance."

"Yeah, we'll see." Click.

Jeff could hear the familiar whoosh of a joyful sigh from the other room. Paula entered in a Zen-like state. "I heard some yelling," said Jeff, half-focused on his omlette.

"Everything's fine," sighed Paula.

"OK," said Jeff. He continued to tear into his omlette. "I'm serious, Paula," said Jeff, "This omlette is really good."

"I know." Paula's mind was definitely somewhere else.

Jeff continued on his omlette, mulling over an idea he had come up with while Paula was in the other room. He finally stated it. "Hey, Paula, I think I'm gonna call Tony. He might be able to get an idea of how to turn five hundred thousand into seventy thousand."

"That's nice," said Paula, dreamily.

"Yeah, maybe he can come up with this computer program that defines a dollar as a certain percentage of a dollar. This way, I can make him think that he's receiving five hundred thousand dollars, but in reality, he's only getting seventy-five."

"OK," Paula sighed, still in her own world.

---

Ness was in his own world at that moment as well. Or anyway, he was about to enter it. Ness went into his closet and pulled out the guitar he had been working with for a couple of years and shut the door to his room. He did his usual warm-up: Do Re Mi, a little dueling banjos, and then he found himself going into that song, the one that should've left his head but refused to, the one souvenir that he took from last summer that truly belonged to him.

"Ness!" Mom called up, "You have a visitor!"

"I'm messing around on my guitar, Mom!" Ness answered back, "Who is it?"

"Fine time to practice, you have to leave for school in five minutes!"

"I know, Mom, I'm dressed!" Ness shouted back, feeling a bit peevish that his question wasn't answered, "Just tell me, who is it?"

"It's your friend, er..." Some incoherent muttering, and then she shouted "Poo" with all the ease of a rookie cop facing down a serial killer on his own.

"Yeah, sure, send him up!" Ness said. He didn't really want to put down his guitar, but he didn't want to leave Poo hanging, either.

When Poo knocked on the door, Ness was back to futzing around on the guitar, working on a neat little melody. "How's it going?" said Ness, letting go of the guitar but leaving it strapped around him.

"It is going well," said Poo.

"How's the house coming along?"

"I have traveled easier roads," Poo sighed, "I had to take a walk to get away from the house. It is a bit uncomfortable at the moment."

"You do know you're welcome to crash here anytime you want?"

"Why would I crash here? Wouldn't that hurt?"

"Oh, wait," said Ness, remembering that Poo wasn't briefed on the many meanings of the word "crash," "When I say crash, as in, 'you're welcome to crash here,' I mean 'you're welcome to stay the night."

"Ah, I see." Poo bowed. "I appreciate the offer, and the lesson. I must respectfully decline the offer for now, though."

"Poo, come on," said Ness, "That house is not exactly a health spa. I'm honestly amazed you haven't gotten sick yet, what with the January weather."

"I don't live there. I am staying at the hotel."

"Ah," said Ness, "Look, I gotta leave for school in a couple of minutes, I'm actually going to go down now. Wanna walk with me?"

"That would be fine," said Poo. Ness pulled his guitar off of him and left it on the bed, walking with Poo downstairs. They bid his mother goodbye and left, Ness taking his bicycle with him.

"I need to ask you something about the house," said Poo as he walked alongside Ness, who was on top of his bicycle.

"If you need help, Poo, you know I'm down."

"Down where?"

"Down, I'm available," explained Ness. He added, "I've got the dance tonight, but my whole weekend's free."

"Oh, oh. Well, I am in need of assistance, but I am afraid I cannot ask."

"Why not?"

"I do not know. Maybe I will ask."

"Why is there any indecision over this?" asked Ness, "Is it that you feel guilty about not being able to get something done on your own?"

"Yes," stated Poo, bluntly, "It is not, however, about proving that I am stronger. It is about proving that I am as strong as everyone else."

"What?" asked Ness, disbelievingly.

"I feel that the house is a test, a test to see if I am worthy of accomplishing such a task on my own. If I cannot fix this house, how can I stand against the forces that work against us?"

"What's this 'I' shit?" asked Ness, who went on to say with only slight bitterness, "Poo, you're not the only one who's putting himself on the line here."

"I know that, of course--"

"No, I'm not angry or anything. I'm just saying that the way you're looking at this house situation isn't the only way to look at it."

"What other way is there?"

"It's possible that you're being tested on whether or not you're strong enough to finish the house on your own, but could it also be possible that you're being tested on whether or not you're strong enough to ask for help?"

Poo thought about it, and then a wide grin crossed his face. He looked up at Ness and said "It is times like this that prove why you are the Chosen Boy, and I am not."

"Ah, stop," dismissed Ness, "Look, I gotta get some food in me, I'll buy you a breakfast sandwich at Down Home Burgers."

"I would enjoy that. What kind of food do they have?"

"Ever hear of a pancake sandwich?"

"I am afraid not."

"Oh," chuckled Ness, "you will." The two hung a right as they entered the suburbs and walked into Down Home Burgers.

---

Tony was alone, thank God. He couldn't stand his roommate any longer. It could be said that he couldn't stand his new roommate because his new roommate wasn't Jeff, and he believed that. But there was something about his new roommate that he wasn't comfortable with. He felt like he could make an effort with another roommate, but not Max.

His phone rang, and he wanted the guy on the other end to be Jeff saying he was coming to visit or his roommate saying that he was spending the night at the library. He picked up the phone and said "Hello?"

"Yo, Tony, it's me."

Tony did a little victory dance in his bed and said "Jeff, what's up?"

"Not much. How's your new roommate?"

"Uh, yeah," said Tony, "He's all right."

"That's good. Listen, I could use your help with something, are you up to it?"

Tony smiled at the thought. "What are you up to?"

"Ever hear of Orange Kid?"

"He was that guy who invented the Suporma. What about him?"

"I'm trying to buy his house, it's worth seventy-five thousand dollars. It's a very large amount, but I can afford to part with it, especially with the patents my dad has."

"Right, right. Go on."

"Anyway, he's extorting me. He wants five hundred thousand for the house. Bear in mind that this is a one story, five room house, coming fully furnished."

"That's disgusting."

"That's nothing. He's calling himself 'O.K.' now."

"Of course he's okay, he's rich."

"No, he's referring to himself by his initials. O and K. O.K."

"O.B.," said Tony, "Oh Brother. " Jeff chuckled. "Whatever, I'm in. What's my part in all this?"

"Is there a way I can do a wire transfer that makes him think he's getting five hundred thousand when he's only getting seventy-five thousand?"

"Yeah, I could easily write a program like that, but any way you slice it, it's bank fraud. We will get caught, we will go directly to prison."

"Tony, there's gotta be a way to keep the heat off."

"Hmm...hey, I have a better idea. Give me until 7 PM tonight, and then meet me at my Mom and Dad's apartment at Fourside. You know where that is?"

"East Third Avenue?"

"That's right."

After Tony got off the phone with Jeff, he packed a bag and left his room. He saw Max in the lobby outside, participating in one of Snow Wood's famous discussions. "Hey, Max," said Tony, "What's up?"

Max didn't bother to look at Tony. "I'm explaining my shaved head to the guys," said Max, seeming offended, "What's up?"

"I got a hot tip, I'm flying back out to Eagleland. I'll be gone...for the weekend, I think."

"All right, whatever."

"Later," said Tony. He walked away, feeling a huge weight leaving his chest.

---

The question "How hard could it be to tie a tie?" was a question Ness regretted asking himself. The answer, for a 14-year-old who mostly knew his father through the telephone, was "Nigh impossible."

"Poo," Ness said to himself as he struggled to reach for the phone, "I would kill for your psychokinetic ability right about now." After nearly falling down trying to get it, he dialed his father. He walked him through the tie tying process step by step.

"Thanks, Dad," said Ness, "How's everything going?"

"Everything is fine," said Dad, "I'm sorry I can't be there for you tonight."

"It's all right," said Ness, "It's something I've gotten used to."

"You shouldn't have to get used to it," said Dad.

"Well, it's only a Winter Formal. It's not like I'm going to the prom or anything. Just promise me you'll take a break sometime this year."

"Maybe I can find some time over the summer," suggested Dad, "How's that, pal?"

"Sure," said Ness, "I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay? Michelle's going to be here any minute."

"Gotcha. Love you."

"Love you too."

A beat after he hung up, he heard "Michelle's here!"

Ness checked himself over one last time. The olive dress shirt really looked great on him, and it actually went nicely with his tie, black featuring the not-too-often occurrence of Snoopy laying on his old doghouse. Of course, there were the requisite black slacks, socks, and shoes, and he looked and felt damn good in them.

When Ness came downstairs, though, he felt even better.

Most guys with hotter girlfriends would look at the dress Michelle was wearing and go "Meh." However, Ness saw Michelle wearing her navy colored strapless dress, her smooth brown hair let down and cascading onto her shoulders like some dark waterfall. Ness saw all that, and found that the only word he could say was "Hey."

"Hey," said Michelle, "You like my dress?"

"Oh!" exclaimed Ness, "Yeah, I love your dress! It's beautiful!"

Michelle giggled. "Thanks," she said, "I like it, but I was kind of worried."

Ness gave Michelle that warm smile, reminding himself what a lucky bastard he was.

"Are you guys ready to go?" asked Mom, "The dance started at 7:30."

Ness looked at Michelle. "Ready?" he asked.

"Let's make like jelly and jam," said Michelle.

It was a five-minute drive to Lawrence Tureaud High School, and Mom wanted to make the most of it. She talked about the latest music trends ("Those 50 Cents are some crazy fresh rappers...I know it's not his name, I just wanted to see the look on your faces."), to the economy crisis ("Ness, get a job so you can take her on a date without Dad's help! That's what girls really want!"), even movies ("And next time you come over, Michelle, you have to see the home movie of when Ness spit up into my mouth! I think I'm sending it to America's Funniest Home Videos!").

Ness would've been humiliated by all this talk if he didn't realize that Lauren was definitely going to be at the prom, and that seeing him with another girl was going to ignite all of her old antics.

"Uh, Michelle?"

"Heh heh...what's up?"

"Uhm, listen," said Ness, shaking his foot a little, "when we get to the dance, there...there might be this girl."

"What girl?" Both Michelle and Mom asked at the same time.

"Is this about Lauren?" added Mom.

"Yeah, uh, she was the reason those guys attacked last night." Ness's foot shook violently now. "One of them was Lauren's boyfriend, and she's been talking about meÉlooking at her."

"That bitch!" exclaimed Mom. There wasn't much in this world that made Mom curse in front of her children, but Lauren Pierce was a good reason. "Does that little slut know any limits?"

"MOM!" exclaimed Ness, shocked and horrified at her language, "Cool is a reaction! Cool is a state of mind!"

"What's the deal between Ness and Lauren?" asked Michelle.

Mom sighed and shook her head. "There was this pool party when Ness was in seventh grade--"

"Okay, that's enough," said Ness.

"I don't see what the big deal is--"

"It's embarrassing, Mom!"

"I just talked about you spitting up into my mouth when you were a baby, and you didn't flinch then!"

"BECAUSE I WAS A BABY!"

"Cool is a reaction," repeated Mom, "Cool is a state of mind."

Ness groaned. "Very funny," he sulked.

They sat in silence for thirty seconds until Michelle asked, "So what happened at the pool party?"

"None of your business," said Ness.

"Ness, I'm just--"

"Look," said Ness, "This is something I do not like talking about, okay? Just know that she might say some things about me that are kind of half-truths."

"Anything that has to do with the pool party?" asked Michelle.

Ness scratched his forehead. "Sort of," he answered.

Mom pulled up behind the school, over to the side doors. She stopped the car, wished the both of them luck in avoiding Lauren, and drove off after they left the car.

"This school looks nice," said Michelle.

"Really?" asked Ness, "Ask anyone here, they're not thrilled about it."

"Who's ever thrilled about their own school?" asked Michelle.

"True," conceded Ness, "I was in Summers last summer, on that road trip, right?"

"Yeah?"

"I overheard two kids talk about how badly their school sucked."

"This is Summers we're talking about," checked Michelle, "The only people that live there are the people that have 'screw you' money."

"Yeah, but see, here's the kicker. They were complaining about the fact that they didn't have a Starbucks in their cafeteria."

"Starbucks didn't set up shop in Summers High? Man, they're missing outÉ"

The normally dusty gym that smelled of polyurethane was still dusty and still smelled of polyurethane. This time, however, there was dimmer lighting, and the walls were showing off the best shades of icy blue construction paper in town. There was a makeshift stage set up with the same icy blue shades as the wall, crystal snowflakes adorning the stage background. On that stage were The Runaway Five, in full swing and top form. They were covering Blood, Sweat, and Tears's Vegas classic, "Go Down Gamblin'," doing the song such justice that the icy part of the blue may as well have been melting.

"Wanna dance?" asked Ness.

"Sure," said Michelle.

There was no set dance that Ness and Michelle did. They just took each other's hands, and started swinging and spinning in time with the music. They swung, they dipped, and they got a circle around them a minute into the song. The people were clapping, the guitar was kicking, the horns were blaring, and Ness and Michelle were having the time of their lives.

"GO DOWN GAMBLIN!" bellowed Lucky, "Say it when you're running loohooow! GO DOWN GAMBLIN', **HONEY**, **YOU MAY NEVER HAVE TO KNOW...**no no..." And with one final blast of the horns, the song was over.

People were cheering, both for the band and for the two electric souls in the middle of the dance floor. Ness and Michelle found themselves at the center of attention, and they were loving it.

And Ness could only think, _Please, Lauren, don't be a bitch tonight._

"Whoo," said Michelle, as she scooped some refreshment out of the punch bowl with Ness. The Runaway Five launched into one of their originals, "Play it Cool," and Ness ran off to use the bathroom.

Michelle finished her punch and shrugged, thinking it was the best thing that she was going to have all night. She grabbed the punch scoop and dipped it into the punch bowl. As she filled the scoop with the liquid, she heard a voice behind her say, "So, you're going with Ness?"

Michelle looked behind her to see a blonde girl, who wore a black dress that showed an obscene amount of cleavage. "Yeah, so?"

"My name's Lauren, I used to go out with him."

"Let me guess, pool party?"

"Yeah, that's what made me break up with the little pervert."

"And why would I be interested?"

"Like, he's only going out with you because he's this frustrated virgin. He just wants someone to feel up."

Michelle raised her eyebrows. "Really?" she asked, "I mean, I find that amusing since most of the time, I give new meaning to the word 'frumpy.'"

"He grabbed my ass!"

Michelle scoffed. "Do you bother to pay attention to how you dress? Frankly, I'm starting to think you need a spanking."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Michelle saw Ness coming back. "Well if you have to ask, skank, it obviously isn't about sex. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get felt up by a frustrated virgin." Michelle filled her cup with the punch and walked over to Ness.

Ness stopped in his tracks as he realized who Michelle was talking to.

"Your ex-girlfriend is a whore," said Michelle.

"Ah, crap," moaned Ness. As they walked back to the dance floor, Ness shot Lauren a hard look of pure hatred. Lauren didn't catch it, though, she was too busy saying something to Chester, and Ness could see that his glint was still blue. "Keep moving, we're gonna go to the gym and try to get lost in the dance floor, okay?"

Before Michelle could answer "okay" back, a bellowing voice from behind, obviously Chester, shouted "Hey, Franklin!"

Both Ness and Michelle turned around to face Chester, Lauren holding close to him. "What?" asked Ness.

The words bellowed loud and resonated throughout the entire gym. "Corral your bitch before I come over there and fuck-start her head!"

The dance floor stopped. The band stopped. Time stopped.

Ness and Michelle looked at each other, Michelle's eyes wide with intense shock, hurt, and anger. She found some comfort in Ness's eyes, though, which seemed to say, "I'll take care of you." Then he walked over to Chester.

Chester had a few inches and plenty of muscle on Ness, but Ness didn't care. He was furious, and he didn't know how he kept it under control. All he did was stare Chester downÉor up, as the case may be.

"Yeah, what? You gonna do something?"

Ness nodded his head and walked away. Chester, with an angry curiosity, followed him. So did Michelle and everybody who was in the cafeteria at the time.

"You're not going to fight him, are you?" Michelle asked Ness, at his side. 

All Ness did was hand Michelle his cell phone.

"What's this for?"

"Call home," said Ness.

"Why?"

Ness didn't say anything.

"Ness, I want this guy to go down too, but you can't handle him on your own! Stop and take a breath!"

Ness was still silent as he burst through the doors leading outside. He glared at Michelle, refusing to break the gaze until she finally broke away from Ness.

Ness had a moderate-sized crowd following him outside, including Chester and Lauren. They were all looking for a fight, whether to watch or to partake. Either way, the mob wasn't going to break apart until it got the blood it wanted.

Finally Ness stopped in the center of the senior parking lot. Chester stopped in front of him, and the rest of the crowd formed a circle around the both of them.

"So here we are," said Chester. His blue glint had turned red; there would be no flashing his way out of this.

Ness said nothing.

"Am I gonna see some action or what?"

Ness took a deep breath, and then answered Chester's question with a right cross, which fazed Chester but didn't knock him down. Ness followed it up with a left jab to the gut and an uppercut, which served to bloody up Chester's nose but still didn't knock him down.

Chester charged and knocked Ness down onto the pavement. He sat on Ness's stomach and laid punch after punch after punch into his face. Then he went for the throat, throttling the life out of Ness, Lauren cheering him on. "Yeah, look at you now, Mister Action! Now look at me! I'm getting some!"

Ness let himself get throttled while he waited for the perfect opportunity...there! Just when Chester's legs positioned himself between Ness's knee, Ness threw that knee upward and POW! Chester's hands left Ness's throat, and he took the opportunity to land a left cross, following it up with an overhand right, finally knocking Chester to the ground.

Ness regained his balance and then went over to Chester to check if he still had GIS. Unfortunately, Ness didn't have enough time to check because Chester tripped him up. Ness managed to get his hands up before he hit the ground, and Chester was back on top of him. This time, he put a knee on Ness's spine, grabbed Ness's hair, and pulled toward his chest. Ness's scalp and back was searing in pain, and he thought he was going to pass out.

His arms flew up, grabbing onto Chester's suit jacket, but it didn't seem to do much. The darkness started to settle in. Ness was fading, fading, fading, the pain blinding his mind as much as it blinded his eyes.

And then he heard a small "Boom," and he felt Chester's weight launch off his back fast. He heard an "Oof" from Chester and the noise of body grinding pavement. And then his vision returned, and he looked behind him, and then he saw Chester, seated and slumped. And he heard Lauren scream in echoes, "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM?"

Ness stumbled over to Chester, who twitched once every few seconds. There were burn marks all over his torso, as if there was a small explosion there. Ness checked Chester's eyes; they looked normal now. He put two fingers to Chester's neck, still a pulse. Still he heard the echoes, "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM?" accompanied with several profanities this time around.

He saw Michelle run toward him, pulling Ness out of the crowd with everyone else watching. He looked behind him and watched that crowd grow gradually smaller

"Are you okay?" asked Michelle, "What happened back there?" asked Michelle.

"I...I don't know," said Ness, "I think I used PSI Rockin'."

"PSI...what?"

"My defense power...ah, shit, I used PSI Rockin'!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Michelle, "You defended yourself--oh, shit."

"They know now...shit, they know what I can do."

"Only about fifteen or twenty people know, Ness," said Michelle, "Everything else is going to be rumor, okay? We'll come up with a story, and everything will be fine. You hear me? It's going to be all right."

Ness sobbed, though, like things were only going to get worse. He cried into Michelle's shoulder and said, "I'm so sorry."

"Ssssh...it's okay...it's okay..."

Mach Pizza was in walking distance of Tureaud High, a long enough walk for Ness to dry his tears. Recently, they stopped being a delivery-only chain and started serving customers inside.

"Yeah, Mrs. Franklin...we're at Mach Pizza, just getting some dinner. We'll meet you in about ten minutes...sounds good, see you soon." Michelle pressed the "end" button on Ness's cell phone and gave it back to him.

"Slice of Barbeque Steak! Slice of Regular!" somebody called out from behind the counter. Ness and Michelle walked up to the counter, got their pizza slices, and sat down.

"I would've paid for you if I had money," said Michelle.

"I would've stopped you," said Ness, "My date, my bill. Asswhuppings be damned."

"Excuse me," giggled Michelle, "Who was the last man standing?"

"He got in the most punches," said Ness, "What happened was a fluke." He took a bite out of his pizza.

"You got in the last punch," said Michelle, "sort of. That's what matters. You whupped his ass."

"It still doesn't matter who whupped who's ass, Michelle," said Ness, "The secret's out. Everybody knows what I can do now."

"No, not everybody," said Michelle, "Just whoever got a clear look. And they don't know that you know what happened."

"They'll assume I know."

"And everybody else will assume they're crazy, Ness," empathized Michelle, "Think about it. People need to see to believe. Even Paula has her skeptics."

Ness sighed. "I guess so," he muttered.

The couple ate their pizzas in silence for a few minutes before Michelle said, "Hey, can I ask you something?" Ness looked up at Michelle. "The timing probably sucks...but I'm just really curious..."

"What about?" asked Ness.

Michelle bit her lip, blinked her eyes in regret, and then asked, "The pool party. Did...did you grab Lauren's ass?"

Ness shook his head.

"It's all right if you did," said Michelle, "Really, it is. I mean, it's in the past now, right? You never seemed to be some male chauvanist because if you are...well, what are you doing with me, right?"

Ness looked Michelle in the eyes, a little less determination than usual since he was starting to get sleepy. "I was just starting to notice the deeper voice, all those...other effects of puberty, especially every time Lauren walked by and looked at me."

"Do you still?" asked Michelle.

"Yeah," said Ness, "She's hot. She's somebody that people can fantasize about...even me." Ness took a regretful breath and continued, "I, uh, I never claimed to be good with bullshit, I'm not going to start pretending now." Michelle nodded, and Ness added, "Even if it does mean I'm getting kicked in the balls the first chance you get."

Michelle leaned back into her seat, looked up, and laughed.

"Seriously, though," continued Ness, "Once she figured out that I had the hots for her, she made my life a living hell. The pool party was the worst. I did...grab her, but only because I thought she wanted me to."

"That was what made the pool party the worst day of your life?" asked Michelle, "You getting mixed signals?"

Ness sighed. "It wasn't just that..."

"What was it, then?" asked Michelle.

Before Ness could answer, he heard a series of honks from outside. He and Michelle looked out the window to find Mom's car, sitting outside. "Let's go," said Ness. They took what was left of their pizzas and left.

---

Ness woke up in his bed, still in his outfit. He looked below him and saw Michelle, sprawled out on the floor in one of Ness's sleeping bags. She purred, turned onto her back, and opened her eyes. "Hey," she said, softly.

"Hey," said Ness, "Did you sleep?"

"I slept fine," said Michelle.

"Next time something like this happens, you can have the bed," said Ness.

"It's all right," said Michelle. She yawned and stretched her body out. 

There was a soft knock on the door. Ness gave a "Yeah," allowing the knocker to come in. Entering the room was Tracy Franklin in her Escargo Express uniform. She looked at Ness, looked at Michelle, looked at Ness again, and then asked, "Did you have sex?"

Ness looked at Michelle for confirmation. After she smiled and shook her head, Ness looked at Tracy and said, "Kinda difficult to pull off at different heights, Trace."

"Whatever," said Tracy, "Your friend Jeff just called thirty minutes ago. Something about a new house...I thought he was lying, but, hey..." She shrugged, brushing her uniform with the back of her hands in some form of pointing.

"Thanks, Trace. Where did he say he got the house?"

"Next door to Apple Kid. He said Paula was coming, but Poo had something to do."

"Yeah, all right," said Ness, "You going to work?"

"Yeah, I'll see you later. Love you."

"Love you too." Tracy shut the door.

Ness began to roll out of bed. "I'm going down there," he told Michelle as he walked to his closed, "Wanna come?"

"Sure," said Michelle, "But you never answered my question."

"Question?"

"From last night."

Ness stopped in his tracks and shook his head. "Let's talk about that later," he said, putting a hand up.

---

After they changed into regular clothes, they grabbed their bikes and rode into Twoson, over to Jeff's new house. What they saw surprised them.

"This place," said Michelle, "is a bigger dump than Poo's house."

The grass was brown, the windows were shattered and filled with spider webs, what was left of the walls were rotting under severe mildew, and there was a terrible odor coming from the house.

"It was the only way we could get Okie Dokie to slash his prices," said Jeff.

"Okie Dokie?" asked Paula.

"Orange Kid, AKA 'O.K.,' you know, 'Okie Dokie,'" said Tony, who appeared from behind the house. Everybody made his or her prerequisite "ooh," and then Tony pulled out a remote. He pressed a button, and suddenly, the house looked normal again. "Ooo, magic," he said.

"How did you do that?" asked Michelle.

"Holographs," said Tony, "The final word in fraud. I also threw a stink bomb in there for good measure, make him think a mouse died inside the walls. It should vent out in about five minutes."

"Nice," said Ness, "and the next time Orange Kid drives by, he thinks you repaired the place."

"Exactly," said Jeff, "come on in, I'm throwing a little housewarming."

"Sounds good," said Ness, "I'll get Poo over here."

"Uh," said Paula, "I already tried, he's not coming."

"Really?"

"Yeah, your mom called me last night," said Paula, "So the grapevine took effect. I telepathed Jeff and Poo, and when I telepathed Poo again to bring him here, he said he had to go to the hospital."

"Why?"

---

Chester Micalay awoke in a clean white room, a tube running out of his arm, leading to an IV bag. He groaned, and saw an old doctor in a lab coat, clipboard in one hand and pen in the other, sitting at his bedside. "Ah," said the doctor, "You're up."

"What happened?" Chester asked.

"We're still trying to figure that out," said the doctor, "But might I ask, what led up to this?"

"This kid, Ness," said Chester, noticing that the doctor started putting his pen to the clipboard, "I fought him."

"Why?"

"Because...because..."

"Relax, Chester. I am not here to judge you."

"Well, his girlfriend made fun of my girlfriend, so I told him to keep her on a leash...so he stared me down, and then we started fighting in the senior parking lot."

"I see. What did you say?"

"I, uh, I don't remember, but it was really bad."

"Well, it's not important what exactly was said. You do know that it was really bad, though."

"Yes."

"Would you normally say such things?"

"Yeah, kind of...but it was always in good fun..."

"Fair enough. Now, try to think...could you pinpoint the exact time you started saying nasty things like what you said to that girl?"

Chester went silent, as he tried to recall when he started his tirades. "Uhm...I remember that I talked to this guy..."

"Tell me, what did he look like?" The doctor seemed to be very interested in what he had to say.

"He had a trenchcoat on...dark, round glasses, long black hair...the hair was really greasy, I think it was a mullet."

"And what is the significance of this guy?"

"Well," said Chester, "I remember feeling really mad for no particular reason after talking to him. This kid bumped into me, and I suddenly started...cursing him out. He was crying when I walked away."

"Are you normally that sensitive?"

"No, somebody bumps into me...whatever."

"Okay...thank you, Chester. I'm sorry that our time is short, but I have to meet with a housing contractor."

"OK."

"I think another doctor might take my place, you'll like him, I think."

"Sounds good. Later, Doc."

"Goodbye."

Maybe it was whatever he was being doped up with, but Chester could have sworn that the old white doctor morphed into a young Asian kid as he walked away.

---

(A/N 2: On Saturday, October 11, a very good friend of mine got involved in a very bad car accident. I'll be the first to admit that it could've been worse. However, two broken legs, a broken pelvis, several broken ribs, a collapsed lung, a broken nose, and a broken eye socket isn't exactly a walk in the park. She was comatose for a few weeks, but at this time, she is responsive, albeit non-verbal due to her jaw being wired shut. Frankly, I'm amazed she's still alive. I personally would not have the will to go on after being left in the condition she was left in. However, she's hanging in there like few others I've known. With that, I dedicate this episode to my friend Rachel. Even if she never gets into a car again, she's still the bravest girl I've ever personally known.)


	6. Here is Gone

**OCTOBER 16TH, 2003**

"So, like, I'm sorry you had to go all that way for nothing wonk wonk wonk wonk wonk wonk..."

Chrissy, the dumb blonde who was telling Ness that she was standing him up, wasn't really saying "wonk wonk wonk" to Ness on his cell phone, but for all Ness cared, she may as well have been. Ness had developed an interest in Chrissy when he started at Tureaud High. He had finally worked up the courage to ask her out, and she said yes. Now, apparently, she was saying no - and simultaneously revealing herself as the skank she really was.

"I mean, my mother's sooo sick right now--ooh, stop that Dave--and I totally need to watch over herrrrrrROWR! That's nice! So, yeah, I hope you didn't pay for anything yet! Bye!"

Ness hung up the phone and rolled his eyes. Good grief, what did he ever see in her? Maybe just a pair of breasts, but Ness, the so-called hopeless romantic, would never really admit that to himself.

_Hey,_ interjected a familiar and comforting voice in his head, _your date went south?_

_In more ways than one,_ responded Ness.

There was only silence in his head, and then Paula telepathed _You know what? I'm on my way over. You're at Billy Saturday's?_

_Yeah, absolutely, come on over. We'll split some Loaded Cheese Fries. It'll be great to finally see you again._

_Yeah...you too. I'll be by soon._

_Soon_ came, and then Ness got another telepath from Paula. _I can't make it..._

_What's up?_

_My mom, she won't let me out, I'm so friggin' pissed--_

_Whoa, whoa, look, it's all right, I'll just head out--_

_No no no!_ Paula replied, _I'll send a friend of mine over. You shouldn't have to remember this as your first date, you know?_

A few minutes passed by, and Paula telepathed again, _Do you mind a couple of extra wheels?_

_...It's just dinner._

_Cool. Some friends of mine are coming by. Talk to you soon!_

While he waited, Ness helped himself to sodas and thanked God for free refills for the duration. After ten minutes, he saw three people approach his table. The first had a shaved head and was wearing an t-shirt with a Nintendo controller on it. The shirt read "Know Your Roots." The second was a petite girl decked out in a red cardigan; she had short blonde hair with pink tips. The third was a very cute brunette with glasses, shoulder-length hair, blue eyes, and freckles. She wore a very simple black t-shirt and jeans that had seen better days, yet there was something positively alluring about her.

"Are you Ness?" asked the brunette.

"Yeah, you guys are friends of Paula's?"

"I'm a friend of Paula's," said the brunette, "The others are friends of mine I dragged along...my, uh, Dad doesn't like it when I'm alone. I'm sorry, I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," said Ness, "It's just dinner." Ness extended his hand. "Your name is?"

"Michelle," she said, shaking his hand, "This is Dropkick Murphy and Lyssa."

"Hey," said Dropkick Murphy (the bald one) and Lyssa (the other girl).

"Have a seat," said Ness. Everyone sat down, Murphy next to Ness, Lyssa across from Murphy, and Michelle across from Ness.

"So," said Michelle, "What are you doing here?"

* * *

**OCTOBER 16TH, 2004**

"I need to call in a favor," Ness told Poochyfud in his office.

Poochyfud looked up from his newspaper. "You're five minutes early. I figure as much."

In the summer of 2003, Nikolai Poochyfud was running the Chaos Theater to its highest profits yet, thanks especially to The Runaway Five's exclusive performance contract. Poochyfud knew that keeping the Runaway Five at the Twoson Theater was the only way to avoid the debt collectors that were knocking before the Runaway Five started performing. So naturally, he passed the debt on to them.

This all changed, of course, when Ness and Paula handed Poochyfud ten thousand dollars to pay off the debt he thought the Five would never get out of. Soon the debt collectors came knocking again, and it looked like there was no way out of it; until Poochyfud took out a few hail mary loans and turned the Chaos Theater into the Twoson Multiplex.

Something happened when the Multiplex opened: more money started coming in. More money gave Poochyfud less to worry about, so he became a generally more agreeable person. When the summer of 2004 rolled up and Ness Franklin came calling for a job, Poochyfud hired him on the spot to work the concession stand, simply saying that he wanted to return the favor.

Speaking of favors...

"What kind of John Woo films do you have archived?"

"Ehh..._Paycheck_?"

"_Paycheck_? That's it?"

"I think so...oh, we also have _Windtalkers_."

"Okay, so _Paycheck_. Uh, what about Michael Bay? Any works from him?"

"Who is this Michael Bay? Why do you ask these questions?"

"Okay, I'm sorry, I should've started at the beginning. It's my girlfriend's anniversary, she's a total film geek, I thought since the private theater isn't booked tonight, I could treat her to a private showing of whatever good movie I could get my hands on."

"A little bit short notice, but it's okay. Did you have movie in mind? Who is this Michael Bay?"

"Uhm, the_ Bad Boys_ movies?"

"I have number two."

"That's doable, but...yeah, I wanna knock her socks off here. Uhm...hey, you wouldn't happen to have _The Rock_, would you?"

"_The Rock_? Uhm...OH YES! 'Welcome to The Rock!' I love that movie! Yes, yes, what time is your lady coming?"

"After my shift, so...eight-ish?"

"You get dismissed early, change into something nice! It's an anniversary! You don't wine and dine in Multiplex uniform!"

"Are you sure? It's Saturday night, you know?"

"We'll survive, Ness, we always do. Just one thing, the movie is R-rated, so if anyone asks, you saw _Armageddon_, I don't want FCC or whatever organization in charge of pulling the strings pulling my ass."

"Yes sir. And you're sure it's okay?"

"Yes, Ness, you've been employee three and a half months, and you're the hardest worker I've ever seen, only fair to reward you. Quit worrying about Saturday night crowd. Worry about Saturday morning and afternoon crowd, more kids. In fact, you should've started worrying five minutes ago!"

"Oh, sorry sir, I'll just get to my post."

"Don't worry, don't worry! My fault! Just go to post. Work to exhaustion when you're young, old family saying."

Ness smiled as he walked out of Poochyfud's office. "I always liked that saying," he called back on his way out.

* * *

"Just say that abstinence is the key to a long life, you'll get an A."

Tony Matheson, being new to the public school system, wasn't quite prepared for how Health classes were taught in school, so he came to Paula's house for tutoring. Of course, he was still getting used to how things were done.

"I don't get it, though," said Tony, "I mean, with teenagers, I can understand, but as you get older in life, regular sexual activity can lower your blood pressure. Plus, studies show that male virgins over thirty-five--"

"It DOES fly in the face of everything Coach Wilbur is teaching," interrupted Paula, her disdain so evident you could cut it with a knife, "But sex ed in American public high school is less about education and more about politics. General rule of thumb with public high school sex ed: when in doubt, think about what would lead to fewer teen pregnancies."

"Ah, I see what you're saying," said Tony, who wrote it down in his notebook.

Michelle entered the house at that moment, dressed down as usual, carrying hair highlighter. "Hey, Paula," she said.

"Hey, Michelle, get what you needed?"

"Yeah," she said, showcasing the highlighter. She looked at Tony and said, "Hi, are you new here?"

"My name's Tony, you're Michelle, right?"

"Yeah, I am," she said, shaking Tony's hand, "Great to meet you."

"Thanks, you too. Hey, I've always been a sucker for love stories."

"Same here," said Michelle.

"Do you mind me asking how you met Ness?"

* * *

**2003**

"MISS MILK! MISS MILK!" said the landlord according to the english subtitles, "You WILL pay the rent today!"

Michelle chuckled along with her friends Lyssa and Dropkick Murphy to the fansub of Super Milk Chan that she caught off the Internet. Her father, despite not being in condition to do so, was conducting business over his cell phone in the next room. (Logically, an alcoholic single father could not afford to support a daughter and own a house, much less a cell phone; as it turns out, however, life is logic without the predicatability.)

The brilliant exclaimation of "YOU DUMBASS!" was masked by the ring of the house phone, and Michelle pressed pause on her laptop and picked up the cordless reciever in her room.

"Hello," answered Michelle, in a baby-like voice, "Hoshi's House of Sushi, Hoshi speaking. Just kidding."

A familiar but sad giggle, and then her best friend asked "What was THAT from?"

"Obscure Japanese cartoon my friend Murphy showed me," smiled Michelle, "What's up?"

"I need a HUGE favor. A friend of mine got blown off by some...whore. Yeah, big whore."

Michelle's eyebrows lifted higher than normal. "Well, if you're calling her a whore, then I won't need any further convincing. What can I do?"

"Can you meet him at Billy Saturday's?"

Michelle froze, "Uhm..." She looked at her friends and said, "I'd have to take Murphy and Lyssa. I'm not comfortable going out on my own, you know?"

"I'm sure that'll be fine," said Paula, "I can live with myself as long as he's not alone. Thank you SO much!"

"What's his name?" asked Michelle.

"Ness."

"I'll be by with Murphy and Lyssa in twenty minutes, maybe less."

"You're a lifesaver," said Paula, "Thanks."

"No problem, see you later." Michelle hung up and turned to her friends. "Shit, guys, I'm sorry, I kinda got ahead of myself."

"I'll kick your ass for it later since Murphy can't," said Lyssa, "I just want you to see the part about Butter Sauteéd Mushrooms, then we'll head out. I am getting kind of hungry."

"Yeah," snarked Murphy, "not sure your Dad feels like cooking."

"That's fine," said Michelle, "I didn't feel like sleeping with your Mom tonight."

Lyssa busted her gut laughing at this while Murphy bit his lower lip, not sure whether to laugh or be offended.

"Yeah," Michelle followed up, "Nobody expects that coming from someone with two X chromosomes. Now, what's this about Butter Sauteéd Mushrooms?"

* * *

**2004**

"Hah!" Tony chuckled to himself, "That's pretty cool! You certainly did Ness a big favor, huh, Paula?"

Paula, currently highlighting Michelle's hair, took all of three seconds to fantasise about bathing Tony in a shot of PSI Fire. She then responded "Yeah, I certainly did!" in the sunniest manner possible.

* * *

Jeff stared into his computer.

He moved his mouse a little, considering clicking a bookmark.

He clicked it.

He then thought of another bookmark to click.

He clicked that.

_What's on TV?_

It was Saturday afternoon. Saturday afternoon TV was equivalent to watching raw sewage move below a sewer grate.

Jeff sighed.

_Living on your own sucks.

* * *

_

_So how are you doing?_ Poo telepathed to Paula.

_I'm holding up_, said Paula, _Right now I'm just doing Michelle's hair, getting her ready for her big date._

Paula could sense Poo's wide smile. _I'm impressed._

_Hey, I knew her longer than I knew Ness. It's hard, but it's easy, you know?_

_Yes,_ responded Poo, _I think I do know. And she's okay with you being in love with Ness?_

Paula stopped what she was doing at the moment and rubbed her sinuses.

"You okay?" asked Michelle.

Paula immediately snapped out of her five second trance. "Yeah, sorry," she said, and pulled the last bit of foil out of Michelle's hair. "All done," she said.

Michelle studied herself in the mirror and smiled. "Ness is gonna shit himself when he sees me tonight!" She turned to Paula and said "Thank you so much!"

Paula immediately found herself to be the recipient of a great big hug from Michelle. She held her close and took a deep breath.

"Michelle...sit down."

"Sure, but I gotta get something from my house in about five minutes."

"This...we need to talk."

* * *

Hit reload.

Hit it again.

Again.

Give it some time...hit it again.

Something new and exciting is bound to appear on FARK soon. Just keep hitting reload.

There's gotta be something on TV.

Probably not.

"Hey, Tony, wanna rent a movie?"

"Sorry, Jeff, I'd love to, but I'm busy with this report for Health class."

"So? Bang it out and let's go!"

"I have to dumb myself down to write it otherwise I fail!"

"What?"

"You've researched Sex Ed in American public education! You figure it out!"

"Oh."

Hit reload.

Hit it again.

Jeff was set free from this monotonous demeanor by the ringing of the telephone. "I'LL GET IT!" he shouted as he dove for the cordless phone, flying past it and knocking it off the charging base. On the third ring, Jeff pulled it out from under the coffee table and answered "Hello?"

"Jeff, it is Poo!"

"Hey, Poo. How's the new house?"

"A few touches left, otherwise it is going well. I need to ask you something."

"Shoot."

"The anniversary of Ness and Michelle is tonight."

"Okay."

"Paula is a bit heartbroken, because she is in love with Ness."

"Gee, scandalous."

"Yes, I know they seemed very close during the adventure, but Paula did not have the

courage to tell Ness how she felt."

"Huh. Well, how does Ness feel about Paula?"

"I believe he feels just as strongly, but he believes that the connection they share is more akin to siblinghood. Just like he sees you and me as brothers, he sees Paula as a sister."

"Well, in your opinion, is it?"

"I have no opinion. Perhaps it is, perhaps it isn't."

"OK, so you want me to invent something that breaks Ness and Michelle up?"

"Of course not!"

"Then what's the favor?"

* * *

"SHIT! SHIT SHIT SHIT!"

She had to tell her. Dammit, she had to.

_It was the right thing to do, Paula_, a voice in her head seemed to say.

_No it wasn't!_ another voice argued, _Because you had to open your big, stupid mouth, a friendship is now officially OVER! Way to go, you dumb bitch!_

_But you couldn't keep living a lie!_

_Sure you could! And if you really had to say something, you could have done a better job of breaking the news to her!_

_SHUT UP!_

_SHUT UP!_

"SHUT UP!" Paula finally screamed before breaking down in tears.

She sobbed for what seemed like hours before reaffirming to herself, "I had to tell her."

The phone rang. Paula realized that there was no one home to get it for her; Mom was shopping for groceries and Dad was at the gym. She took a deep breath, and then went to the kitchen to get the reciever. "Hello?" she choked.

"Hey...it's Jeff...are you okay?"

"Uhm, yeah, I'm fine, Michelle and I got into a bit of a fight, said some rough words...uh, what do you need?"

"I just was wondering if you'd like to go out for dinner tonight?"

Paula's eyes widened. "Really? Uh, with who?"

"Just you and me. I mean, don't take anything from it. Just that I've got nothing to do tonight, Ness and Michelle are out for their anniversary, Tony's doing a paper, Poo...well, you've been with him, just the two of you. You know how it's like. You can stomach it, I'm not sure I can."

Paula giggled.

"I mean, I love the guy like a brother, but...anyway, unless you say 'yes,' I'm probably going to bed early out of sheer boredom. So what do you say?"

Paula nodded. "How does The Appleton Grill sound?"

"It sounds great. See you at eight?"

Paula smiled, just glad to be able to take a vacation from her life, no matter how small it was. "Perfect," she said to herself. Perfect time, perfect place, perfect timing. Just perfect.

* * *

Hair - check. Clothes - black long-sleeved shirt and khaki pants - check. Teeth were brushed, face was washed. Ness was ready to go.

He headed downstairs and kissed his mother on the top of her head. "Love you," he said.

"Love you too," came Kathleen Franklin's weak reply.

"Feel better, all right?" said Ness as he strolled to the door.

"It's just a flu. I'll just go to bed early tonight."

"Get some ice for that bruise first!"

"Sheesh," she muttered as Ness opened the door, "How about waiting another twenty years before you take care of me?"

Ness turned back to his mother and smiled. "I think I'll start now," he smirked, "Love you!"

"Love you too!"

Ness shut the door behind him, grabbed his bike, and started down the dirt path that led downtown.

* * *

For an old man like Matthew Norris, or at least for an appreciative soul in an old man's body, a brisk fall evening like this one was the perfect time to spend on the rooftop of the Hotel Onett with a hot cup of tea.

One wouldn't think to find a man like Norris in such an urban area like the one the Hotel was located in. Alas, Matthew loved living at the hotel Onett. The price was cheap and the rooms were "nice enough" - not first class, but not run-down shacks either. The staff had grown to love him, just as he had grown to love the staff. He'd never miss a day's payment, but he was pretty sure that if he had to, management wouldn't have a problem as long as he could make it up or work it off.

Really, what's the point of leaving?

"Hello, Buzz Buzz," said Poo, as he stepped out of the express elevator and onto the rooftop.

"Please, Poo," said Matthew, "Call me Matthew. If you feel the need to be excessivley polite, Mr. Norris will do just fine. The latter name sounds like a character on a public television show, however, so please, call me Matthew."

"Okay, Matthew," he grinned.

Poo saw an empty lounge seat next to Matthew. He walked up to him, gestured toward the lounge chair, and sat in it after Matthew nodded his head. "Thank you," said Poo.

"So," said Matthew, "What brings you here today?"

"Today, everyone is out. Ness and Michelle have their anniversary, and I asked Jeff to take Paula out. I am certain that you understand how Paula feels about Ness."

"That I do," said Matthew, "When Paula came to keep me company after the accident, she accidentially kissed Ness. That tells me enough." Matthew took a sip of his tea. "So, Poo, you came to see me just to talk?"

"Why not?" asked Poo, "Just because you are technically on a mission does not mean that you are not a living being."

"Human," clarified Matthew, "I am indeed human. I'll have Ashley bring up some tea for you. Any particular kind you'd like?"

"Lemon is fine."

Matthew pulled out a cell phone and dialed a number. He waited for three seconds, and then said, "Hi, Ash, it's Matthew Norris. I have a visitor with me, and I was wondering if you could bring some tea up for him...Lemon's fine...hang on." Matthew turned to Poo and asked "Milk? Sugar?"

"Milk, no sugar."

Matthew repeated Poo's order into the phone and said, "See you soon."

The two sat quietly, sharing a comfortable, friendly silence. The sunset seemed to say everything for them and they were content to just listen and enjoy its silent words until Ashley, a fluffy young girl of twenty-two with dirty blonde hair and brown eyes, came up with tea.

"Here you are, mister..."

"Poo Mishinta," replied Poo, "Feel free to laugh. I find it quite funny as well."

"Yes, Ash," said Matthew, "Believe it or not, Poo is a name of honor in his country, Dalaam."

"I don't judge," said Ashley, "People used to call me 'Ass-ley' in middle school."

"I am sorry to hear that," said Poo.

Ashley made a dismissive hand gesture and said, "Please, it was middle school. Anyway, most of the people who called me that spend most of their day at the gas station now. I love karma."

Poo and Matthew chuckled at Ashley's remark. "Thank you very much for the tea, Ashley."

"You're welcome very much," Ashley smiled back, "Wish I could stay with you guys, but Mr. Pirkle is requesting a few more Michelobs."

"Oh boy," groaned Matthew.

"Yeah, I kind of just leave it at the door, now. Screw the tip. Last time I asked for one, he grabbed my boobs and offered 'other services' in exchange for money."

"Look at it this way," said Matthew, "You can hire a lawyer and get enough money out of him to retire."

"True true," said Ashley, "But there's a reason why Deep Throat called himself Deep Throat. See you later, Mr. Norris."

"So long, Ash," chuckled Matthew.

"Thank you, Ashley!"

As Ashley disappeared back into the service elevator, Poo looked over at Matthew and saw the steady, peaceful grin that crossed his face. "So," said Poo, "You call her Ash?"

Matthew nodded.

"Are you in love with her?"

Matthew smiled wider, almost chuckling, and nodded again. "I believe you call it a 'crush'."

"Ness, Paula, and Jeff probably do. I have never heard the term before. Does she know?"

Matthew shook his head. "The Internet covers a lot on this subject, about dirty old men lusting for supple young bodies. My attraction to Ashley goes beyond that, but nobody would really understand it, let alone herself."

Poo nodded. "When you're in love," he said, "everything is right except the timing."

Matthew nodded. "And I'M supposed to be the wiser one." Matthew held out his tea mug, and Poo banged it with his own mug to salute the observation.

* * *

Michelle walked up to her somewhat dilapidated home and opened the front door to the usual sight: a floor littered with clothes and beer cans, some of them over a week old, and Dad on the ratty old couch, watching a baseball game.

"Wher wur you?" growled Dad.

"Getting my hair done," said Michelle, blowing past Dad and headed for the stairs.

"C'mere," he drawled.

Michelle stopped in her tracks and rolled her eyes. "Dad, Ness is picking me up in about five minutes and I need to get a drink of water. What's up?"

"You bin havin' sex?" Dad slurred as he got off of the couch and stalked toward his daughter.

Michelle, for her part, looked at her father as if he just urinated on a crucifix. "EX-CUSE ME?"

"I asked ya," Dad moaned, "You bin havin sex? Doan-u lie ta me, whore."

Michelle shook her head. "You're drunk. Leave me alone."

CRACK, Michelle staggered back from the fist that connected with her eye. "Answer the question, be-itch!" her father followed up.

Michelle rubbed her eye a bit, seething in pain, muttering "All right, okay," and--WHAP!--Michelle kicked out her father's kneecap, CRASH he went into the ocean of beer cans and in one fluid motion, Michelle brought her father onto his stomach and twisted his arm behind his back and the pain that Michelle was reeling from earlier was revisited onto Dad tenfold.

"NO," she barked over her father's screams, "I haven't been having sex! I haven't even been THINKING about having sex! I wasn't going to have sex tonight, I probably will since you care so much about my well-being and DON'T YOU EVER GODDAMN TOUCH ME AGAIN."

Dad, for his part, promptly passed out in silent consent.

Michelle turned Dad's head on its side and walked to the bathroom to look at herself, cursing out loud when she saw the shiner that was developing on her right eye.

_Okay, you can stop this. Just grab a bag of ice._ Michelle raced to the freezer, opened it, and reached for some ice--

_WAIT! I need a bag!_

Michelle left the freezer open as she raced for the cabinet next to the sink and grabbed a sandwich baggie. She bolted for the freezer again, grabbed some ice cubes, and stuffed them into the thin bag of plastic.

_Money._

Michelle raced to Dad's bedroom and opened up "The Kitty" - Dad's own personal bank that resembled a ceramic cat. She dumped out all the money from the jar, counted out the month's house payment, grocery expenses, taxes and the like, and put that amount back into the jar, leaving Michelle with the option to take up to $220.

She counted out two twenties and a ten, pocketed them, and put the rest back into The Kitty.

**DING-DONG!**

_Aw, HELL!_

Dad gurgled in response to the doorbell and quickly drifted back out of conciousness.

_OK_, Michelle thought to herself as she strolled down the stairs and toward the door, _you got this black eye somehow, think of an excuse. Whatever you do, don't say that you fell. Everybody says that they fell. Nobody buys it. They made fun of it in Family Guy, for Christ's sake._

Michelle reached for the door. _I didn't fall. I didn't fall. I didn't fall._

Michelle opened the door to Ness. "Hey, babe!" she greeted him with a Prozac sort of sunniness.

"Hi," said Ness, almost positing her, "What happened to your eye?"

_You didn't fall, you didn't fall, you didn't fall._ "I...didn't fall?"

Ness stared at her cockeyed.

_Shit.

* * *

_

"What about you, Poo? Have you ever been in love?"

Poo shook his head. "I have been in lust many times."

"Interesting," said Matthew, "You haven't met anyone yet that you would want to take for your bride?"

"Oh, I am already set to have a bride. Marriges are arranged in Dalaam."

"Ah," exclaimed Matthew.

"Before you react further, I should explain that I have no problem with it. Most people believe that there is something romantic about breaking traditions and following their heart, but--"

"--There's a reason the heart isn't called the brain?" finished Matthew.

"Yes! Good observation! Also, I know the girl who is set to be my wife on my eighteenth birthday."

"How is she?"

Poo smiled, deep in thought. "I will say this: we are friends--or at least we were. There has never been a moment where I fantasized about making love to her. The attraction I feel to her isn't the attraction that, say, you feel for Ashley."

"Back up for a second...'were'?"

Poo shook his head. "You read me incorrectly. I have not seen her in four years. Her family is adventurous, and the last I have heard from her is that she had moved on to Canada last year before I embarked on my adventure. but she promised to honor the agreement our families made."

Matthew smirked. "Since when was Canada associated with adventure?"

"I do not know," Poo chuckled, "but from what I have heard, you would probably invite a lot of fire with that remark."

* * *

One could easily depend on Down Home Burgers when he or she needed a quick, cheap burger. Eating there, however, was not likened to fine dining. So when there was something relatively classy to be done that didn't require anything too formal (say, a date between friends), then the place to go was The Appleton Grill.

The advertised bar and grill was dim at night, the only light coming from the soft yellow of the lamps hanging over every booth and the several big screen HDTVs hanging over the bar. Some were tuned to Fox News Channel, some to CNN, but most of them tuned into the almost comical ass-whupping that the Yankees were giving Boston in Game Three of the World Series.

Paula and Jeff were shown to a two person booth in an intimate nook with a good view of Game Three for both seats. The peppy young waitress decked out in thirty-seven pieces of flair and a nametag that said "Karen" handed out menus and walked away.

And then these two friends who had been to Hell and back were left to themselves.

It occurred to Jeff that déjà vu wasn't the feeling that he was supposed to feel. He sure as hell didn't want to feel it now.

"Hm..." he said, "did you hear about Venus? Apparently there's this movie out called _The O-Note_--"

"The porno scandal, right?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, that sucks for her."

"It does."

Back to déjà vu again. _Dammit, what can I say?_

"I mean it's not as bad as the Paris Hilton thing," added Jeff.

"Oh, no, of course not. It certainly doesn't stink of a publicity stunt."

"Yeah, and the sex was actually pretty clean. Face to face."

"Really?" asked Paula, casually entertained, "You saw it?"

"No, I mean, I, uh, I heard about it..."

Paula nodded, holding back a giggle.

"I've...been bored."

"Jeff?"

"Yeah?"

"You have a crush on me, don't you?"

"Absolutely."

* * *

**2003**

"OK," said Lyssa, "So what's the plan again?"

Michelle was approaching Billy Saturday's along with her friends Lyssa and Dropkick Murphy. Lyssa and Murphy were just complaining about a guy named Michael Hannigan, who Michelle figured to be a tabletop roleplayer who had nothing better to do than dice battle and put down others. The topic switched out of necessity; Hannigan was then, this was now.

"Paula wants me to help out a friend of hers who got stood up by some pep squad slut," responded Michelle, "I figure it's this or we can spend the night trying to make Super Milk Chan loud enough to drown out my dad's drunken rambling."

"With all due respect to Paula," said Murphy, "I vote for drunken rambling."

"I would too," said Lyssa, "But we've walked too far. Sorry, sweetie, two against one."

Michelle smiled. "No disrespect taken, guys. It can be hysterical to listen to. Remember when he was on the phone with his bookie?"

"Yeah!" exclaimed Lyssa, "He's like 'Uh huh? Really? Well YOU--"

"--SCREW COWS IN RETROSPECT!" the three finished together before cracking up over the absurdity of it all.

"Yo, I am SO telling my friend about that," said Murphy.

The trio entered the resturant and asked to be pointed to Ness's seat. They walked over to find a kid in a button down collar shirt and khakis, picking at a plate of Loaded Cheese Fries. Michelle patted him on the shoulder and asked "Are you Ness?"

"Yeah," he replied, "you guys are friends of Paula's?"

"I'm a friend of Paula's," returned Michelle, "The others are friends of mine I dragged along...my, uh, Dad doesn't like it when I'm alone. I'm sorry, I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," said Ness, "It's just dinner." Ness extended his hand. "Your name is?"

"Michelle," she said, shaking his hand, "This is Dropkick Murphy and Lyssa."

"Hey," said Murphy and Lyssa.

"Have a seat," said Ness, and the gang took his cue.

"So," said Michelle after she got herself comfortable, "What are you doing here?"

"I don't know," said Ness. He pointed at Dropkick Murphy and asked, "What are you doing stealing the name of a shitty 'punk' rock band?"

"Oh, SCREW YOU, dude!" shouted Murphy over Lyssa and Michelle's laughter, "I came up with that name before those no-talent douchebags did!"

"Actually, he didn't," said Lyssa, "But I love him anyway." Lyssa pecked Murphy on the cheek, and he groaned in surrender.

"Yeah," beamed Michelle, "A couple of years ago the three of us were playing Dungeons and Dragons. And the DM tells him that a spell he cast failed because..."

Ness's eyes became vacant.

"Crap," said Michelle, "I'm sorry, I get so into things sometimes..."

"Nonono, it's cool, just...what's a DM?"

"This could turn into an hourlong conversation," said Michelle, "So I'll just retell the story. We were playing a game, Lyssa tried to do something, the referee said that she couldn't do it--"

"Seriously, he rolled a damn SEVEN--"

"Easy, Lyssa," re-interjected Michelle, "He's drifting off to the far away coast again."

Murphy rolled his eyes amidst Lyssa's laughter.

"Anyway," continued Michelle, "Lyssa gets pissed, calls the game horseshit, the referee slaps her, and to defend her honor, Thunder Foot over here dropkicks the guy!"

Ness chuckled, "Oh my God!" He shook his head. "That's insane!"

"Oh, that was nothing," said Lyssa, "It was certainly the tamest game of D&D I ever played. I think we all got killed...that is, we lost, because that particular DM became vengeful. Don't know why that was. Anyway, we did our best."

"Eh," muttered Michelle, "Losers always whine about their best, winners go home and fuck the prom queen."

Ness started laughing once more and asked, "Where do you come up with this stuff?"

"What are you talking about? Everyone knows that line."

"What line?"

Now Michelle was stunned into silence, equal parts shock and imagination turning the wheels in her head. Murphy looked at Ness. And then Michelle. And then Ness again. And then Michelle called for the check.

* * *

**2004**

Silence.

Nothing but awkward quiet permiated the air as Ness pedaled his bike to the movie theater, Michelle riding stubborn on the handlebars.

Ness kept his eyes half on the road and half to the ground. _Say something,_ he thought, _Say something because your girlfriend's well being is in jeopardy. Say it now, you dumb bastard, because if you don't, you'll never say it and she'll continue on a downward spiral._

"Look, I can take care of myself, all right?"

_Of course she can read my mind._

"I'm fine. Dad rarely hits me, and when he does, hey, I hit him back. He knows he can't get away with his 'mean drunk' bullshit."

"That...that's not the point."

"What is?"

Ness took a deep breath and stopped the bike. "Look at me," he said.

Michelle obeyed.

"I'm worried about you," Ness finally declared, "That--I know physically you'll be all right, but this...just, this GROWS on people. It's going to mess with your head, your values--"

"I'm fine," Michelle shot back, exasperated.

"**_NO YOU ARE NOT,_**" thundered Ness in response and Michelle cowered backwards, her breathing going shallow and her eyes going wide.

More silence. Fearful, this time.

Ness put his forehead into his right hand and let out a deep breath. "My neighbor used to have the shit beaten out of him by his dad. He thought he was fine too. You know where he is now?"

"Where?"

"I'm asking you. He got angry, hostile, just flat out scary. Kidnapped a friend of mine, hurt this friend because he had become completely...he did a lot of screwed up shit. One day, he just disappeared, and who knows what the hell he's up to."

"Wow..."

Ness nodded his head. "I want you to get help."

Now Michelle nodded, and postured herself to go on the attack. "OK. I'll get help. I'll call child services, that's what I'll do. I'll tell them that my daddy's beating me. You know what'll happen then? Group homes, foster homes, whatever you wanna call them. They'll be far away from here--"

"You have the Polestars--"

"Let's not talk about the Polestars!" snapped Michelle, "Just..."

Michelle huffed. The walls were starting to close in. Anything from here on in was only going to degenerate into a further argument. Couldn't happen, shouldn't happen, she couldn't lose him tonight, of all nights, not tonight, she had to find an out right now and--

"Look," she cracked, placing her hand on Ness's shoulder, "You know what I really want to do tonight? I wanna go to a movie with my boyfriend, and I wanna cuddle up with him and--" Michelle stopped when she noticed Ness biting his bottom lip, trying to surpress a chuckle. "What?"

"I, heh, it's the first time you ever used the word 'cuddle'."

Michelle smiled. "Would you prefer if I told you I was looking forward to watching you cut a hole in your popcorn?"

Suddenly, Ness couldn't hold back his laughter anymore. After a hearty laugh, Michelle guided Ness to close to her and kissed him on the top of his head and held him close.

"Tonight," she said, "I just need to watch a movie with you, and you know, maybe it is a good idea if I stay with you tonight. After that...eventually, I will deal with my Dad. Your neighbor probably didn't have it under control because he felt helpless. I don't. And if you need proof...you've spent a whole year with me. Do I seem helpless to you?"

Ness shook his head. "This doesn't mean I'm comfortable with it."

"But can you trust me to handle it?"

Ness took a breath in. "Yeah...I do."

Michelle let go of Ness and looked him in the eye: "Then do it."

Not knowing where else to take the conversation, Ness offered his hand to Michelle, which she took to reseat herself on the handlebars.

They had a movie to catch.

* * *

"For the record," said Jeff, "I should state that it's not you, it's me."

"Oh, but Jeff," snarked Paula, "we're so good together, please, don't end it like this!"

Jeff smirked. "Seriously, you're the first girl I've had a close relationship with in, well, ever. It was only a matter of time."

"Well, I'm flattered," said Paula, "I'm sorry I can't return the feeling, and a little of that is because I think it would be cool to have a boyfriend, but mostly...I hate to let you down."

"You're not," said Jeff, "I know you don't feel the same way, I braced myself to get shot down, that's exactly what happened. I guess I just wanted to put it out there."

Paula nodded. "What would you have done," she asked, "if I told you I had a crush on you too?"

"Well, I guess I'd be elated."

"And then what?"

Jeff took a deep breath and stared at Paula.

"You don't know, do you?"

Jeff shook his head. "However," he said, "I do know that you have feelings for Ness, so I wasn't worried about that."

"Ness and I...it's not the point. Personally, as good as you and I are together, we wouldn't last five seconds as a couple because we're just...different. And I don't say that to be elitist."

"You never say anything to be elitist. That's my job."

Paula giggled as she tried to continue on and the waitress delivered their orders. "I...heh-ha-hahah, I...huh-hah...I'm sure we'd have fun. But you'll meet someone--I know you will--who's more connected with your...uh-huh-huh-huh-hum..."

"_Modus operandi_?"

Paula snapped her fingers and pointed at Jeff. "Yeah! Someone who shares your interests--"

"You mean a soulmate?"

"Exactly!"

Jeff nodded, facing his food and playing with it. "You know, although I don't believe in soulmates on a spiritual level, I'm sure there's somebody out there who connects with me. But you know what the real bitch about puberty is? I'm 15, and every day that I'm not with a girl is every day that just feels longer and longer and longer and it's **killing** me."

"Hey," said Paula, placing her hand over Jeff's, "Look at me." Jeff looked and saw two blue wells of purity and honesty staring into him with what seemed like endless empathy. "It kills me too."

* * *

**2003**

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" shouted Paula.

"Honey, you're only thirteen," said her mother, "We just think you're a little young to be going out with boys!"

Paula shook her head. "I can't believe what I'm hearing," she said, exasperated, "It was a little over a month ago when I came back from a trip around the world with Ness--"

"--and two other people," added Mom.

"SO? They were both guys!"

"And what's that supposed to--"

"Don't answer that," Dad interrupted, watching the argument between his wife and his daughter unfold with great pain.

"Look," said Paula, "I trust Ness with my life! In fact, so should you! I don't know WHAT would've happened if it weren't for me, and you're sitting here, debating, because you're worried that he's going to RAPE ME or something!"

"YOUNG LADY, you're not going tonight, and that's final!"

Every epithet, every rotten word that you could say, every possible way to hurt someone without killing them, crossed Paula's mind in that moment. She chose instead to surpress those words and actions with a quiver of her arm, and walk away.

And when she stormed into her room, she threw her head into her pillow and let it all out with one great big scream.

She wanted to cry, but couldn't. This was probably for the best, however, since she needed to pull herself together and tell Ness that she wasn't coming.

_I can't make it..._ she telepathed to Ness.

_What's up? _he asked Paula.

_My mom, she won't let me out, I'm so mad--_

_Whoa, whoa, look, it's all right, I'll just head out--_

It occurred to Paula that she had loved Ness so much that he didn't want to give him any painful memories. _No no no!_ she quickly replied, _I'll send a friend of mine over. You shouldn't have to remember this as your first date, you know?_

Paula headed over to the phone and punched in the number for Michelle. While the phone rang on the other end, Paula could hear Mom and Dad having it out downstairs.

"Hello," answered Michelle, in a baby-like voice, "Hoshi's House of Sushi, Hoshi speaking. Just kidding."

* * *

**2004**

The sun had bed down to give way to the night, and Poo had fallen asleep in his chair, soothed by the calming slowness of the sunset **_Poo_** Poo jumped out of his seat, looking right, left, and seeing Matthew smiling.

"Thank you," said a still dazed Poo.

"You're welcome," said Matthew, "Listen, it occurred to me that you may want to stop at Ness's house to check on Tracy. Kathleen Franklin's a bit ill, after all."

"Okay then," said Poo, "I will go." Poo rose and bowed to Matthew. "We must attempt this again."

"I assure you," responded Matthew, "We will."

"Good," said Poo, who then headed for the roof access door.

* * *

The centerpiece of the theater was a large concession circle. At the outer edge of the circle, people were served, and snacks and pre-made popcorn was pulled. At the core of this circle, popcorn was made, hot dogs were cooked, drinks were dispensed, and nachos were baked hot with bubbly spicy cheese. Above it was a large skylight, and because it was a clear night, the stars and moon above seemed to tie everything together.

There were entrances at the north and south ends of the theater where tickets were purchased and the movie schedule was shown, occasionally switching to show the times that were sold out. Each corner of the lobby had four padded benches where one could sit and watch previews on a multi-screen television.

Lines were out the door because it was a major movie night - those people were mostly out to see either _Shark Tale_, _Friday Night Lights_, or _Team America: World Police_. How lucky, then, that Ness and Michelle had a private showing of _The Rock_ on their agenda instead, and how fortunate that Poochyfud had come to their aid to move them through the lines - albeit with a slight hassle as soon as he saw the shiner on Michelle's eye.

He said something particularly nasty sounding in Russian and continued without missing a beat, "My lady, who would violate such a pretty face as yours?"

"I'm just being bullied at school. Don't worry, I hit him back."

Poochyfud gasped. "What man would hit a lady?"

"I'm not sure, but I know his girlfriend's name is Lauren Pierce."

"Yeah," said Ness, smiling, "it's probably because I hit her. 'Hit' being a double entendre."

"Or at least that's what she's been telling everybody at school."

Ness held back a smile as Poochyfud, still concerned, asked "Are you sure you'll be all right?"

"Positive. It only hurts when you touch it."

"Well, come, come, I get you drinks and snacks."

As Poochyfud moved the couple to the front of the line, Michelle asked Ness, "So, what are we seeing?"

Ness grinned. "You'll see."

* * *

**2003**

"So, what are we seeing?" asked Ness, situated in a dark basement at Murphy's house.

"You'll see," smiled Michelle. Murphy and Lyssa had gone up to the kitchen to "pop some popcorn" (part of the popping process may have involved third base). For the moment, then, this left Ness and Michelle alone with a big TV, a 5.1 stereo system, a DVD player, and what would turn out to be Murphy's copy of _The Rock_.

Michelle popped it into the DVD player, and within a minute, the movie's menu came up. "This is maybe the greatest American action movie ever made," she said.

"What's it about?"

"A SEAL team has to diffuse a bunch of rockets loaded with poisonous gas situated at Alcatraz and aimed for San Francisco. Along for the ride is a chemical weapons expert, played by Nick Cage, and the only man to ever break out of Alcatraz, played by Sean Connery."

"It sounds kind of...I remember making up a plot like that in my fifth grade creative writing class."

Michelle walked over to Ness and sat down next to him. "You like rollercoasters?"

"Sure."

"Ever ride a themed rollercoaster?"

"Yeah, I went to Six Flags years ago and rode the Batman coaster. It was the high point of my being...nine, ten years old."

"What was the point of it?"

"I dunno."

"But did you enjoy it?"

"Absolutely!"

"See? Some things in life sound stupid, but turn out to be the most memorable experiences you've ever had. Just let go. I haven't told you the whole movie, and when you see it...I know it. I know you're gonna flip. You'd have to be a soulless bastard not to flip for this movie."

Ness chuckled, either at the line, or at the fact that out of every person he's ever met, he'd never met someone quite as full of spirit as Michelle Walker.

Two sets of footsteps were heard coming down. Ness looked behind him and saw Murphy carrying a big bowl of popcorn and Lyssa following closely, her mussy hair and crooked clothing telling enough of a story. "Stove-top," proclaimed Lyssa, as if it were a verbal badge of honor, "Ain't nothing better!"

Ness nodded his head, and grinned at Michelle. "Hit me with your best shot," he decided, and Michelle started the movie.

* * *

**2004**

She knew those opening bass chords playing over the Hollywood Pictures logo, and she got excited. She knew the violins that began to play over the bass chords as the two lightning bolts converged for the Jerry Bruckheimer/Don Simpson production logo, and she grew estatic. This was a very familiar melody, one composed by Hans Zimmer, and the movie he composed it for was none other than--

"HOLY SHIT!" she squealed, barely able to contain herself as Ness beamed from ear to ear. Michelle gave Ness a great big bear hug and kissed him several times on the cheek but it still didn't feel like enough. And she thanked God that the theater was private and it housed just the two of them.

"Oh my God! I've never seen this in theaters and I always wanted to, this...OH MY GOD! Oh...Oh, I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay," smiled Ness as the big fireball of a title came roaring through the screen, intentions now clear as the plastic that composed most water bottles.

* * *

The walk home for Paula and Jeff was quiet up to the point where they reached Paula's house.

Paula smiled. It was all she could do, all she could think of doing. That, and saying, "Hey, Jeff?"

"Yeah?"

"Just because you can't get any girls at 15 doesn't mean you'll be single forever."

"I know," he said, "it only feels like it."

Paula smiled. "Promise you'll get over me?"

"Sure."

"Seriously, promise."

"Why?"

"Because if you don't, then I can't really help you."

"Well...what if you fall for me once I'm over you?"

"Well," said Paula, "It would only figure...but it should at least be fun to watch."

Jeff chuckled. "OK...I promise, I'll get over you."

Paula smiled, her teeth gleaming in the moonlight with genuine warmth, as she pulled Jeff toward her and sucked in his upper lip, closing her eyes as Jeff closed his to get the full effect of his first kiss. Jeff could tell that Paula wasn't feeling anything except love and a little pity for a friend but dammit if he wasn't feeling anything more than that because it was as if electricity was coursing through his blood and charging his heart to beat faster and faster and faster and when Paula finally let go he exclaimed _HOT DAMN!_ in his mind and knew that if this was what it was like to kiss a girl who wasn't interested in him in the romantic sense then it must be something and a half to kiss a girl who was.

"Feel better?" asked Paula.

Jeff smiled. "I do," he said, chuckling a little, "And I can see why you asked me to get over you."

"Yeah...I didn't want you thinking--"

"Nono," said Jeff, "I get it. A mercy kiss. It's...it's actually helpful."

"Well...it wasn't just a mercy kiss," Paula said, hand on his shoulder, "You were great tonight. I'm glad I could hang out with you, especially after what went on with Michelle...look, you're uh...heh heh, you're a hell of a kisser."

Jeff laughed.

Paula patted Jeff on the shoulder, and quietly but soulfully stated, "You're gonna be okay, you hear me?"

Jeff smiled back to Paula. "Thanks...you too, I think."

Paula gave Jeff one more kiss on the cheek and said, "Good night."

"Good night," Jeff kissed Paula on the cheek again and skipped for home, waving back to her. It was as if a cloud had suddenly been pushed under his feet.

_There are certainly worse ways to be dumped,_ he thought to himself.

* * *

Ness and Michelle walked out of the theater, Michelle giddy with excitement and showering "Thank you"s and "I love you"s upon Ness.

"It was no big deal. I just wish we could've gotten a print of _A Better Tomorrow_ or _The Killer_ to use."

"Well, yeah, if you had gotten either of those movies, you would've gotten laid tonight, but hey, serious props for getting the movie that started our relationship in the first place."

"Thank you," said Ness. "I'd like to still get laid if that's possible, though."

"No, unfortunately, I have a headache because the plot of the movie we just saw is akin to something a fifth grader would write in a creative writing class."

"Oh!" exclaimed Ness, as he left the movie theater, "That's cold! It turns out kitty can scratch just when it was looking like nobody was going to get hurt!"

Strange coincidences tend to happen all the time; just not often enough to be noticed, and that's why people tend to dismiss such coincidences as unrealistic. But any witness would swear to their dying day that just when the word "hurt" left Ness's mouth, a body crashed through the skylight of the movie theater and landed on the popcorn machine. And if either Ness or Michelle had noticed this, Ness would've had an altogether different and all too stressful night.

The poorly named Teenage Fatalist, the possible GIS-3 suspect, had struck again.

* * *

After returning to his hotel room, Matthew Norris hopped into the shower to decide what to do with the rest of his night. In the end, he went looking for a movie to order off of Pay-Per-View.

As he scrolled through the list of titles available to him, he heard a knock on the door. He answered it to find Ashley, dressed down in sweats, looking cheerful as usual. "Hey, Mr. Norris," she said, "Just wanted to say good night."

"Well," said Matthew, "Thanks, that's very sweet of you."

"Thank you," noted Ashley, "And don't worry. I don't think you're a dirty old man." She flashed one last smile and then strolled away from Matthew's shocked expression.

"How did you--"

"I wasn't sure if I put enough milk in your tea so I came back!" she explained, and then added in nigh-angelic sing-song, "Good night!"

Matthew bit his lip and smiled. "Let your guard down for one second..." he muttered to himself before shutting his door.

* * *

Ness stopped his bike in front of the Walker residence and allowed Michelle to get off the handlebars.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" asked Ness.

"I don't think I could live with myself if I didn't stop here to make sure Dad didn't drown in his own vomit."

Ness nodded. "I'm going in with you," he said.

Dad hadn't moved from the position Michelle laid him out in. "Phwoof," she muttered. She turned to Ness and said, "OK, here's how it's gonna play. You grab his head, I'll take his legs. We're gonna hoist him up to his bedroom and get him into bed. Okay?"

"Got it," said Ness.

So began the arduous, but not time-consuming task of putting Mr. Walker to bed. Michelle pulled his sneakers off when they got him into his room. Then they slipped him under the covers and him over on his side. Ness then propped some pillows behind him to make sure Mr. Walker didn't move onto his back.

Michelle looked at Ness and said, "Thanks."

Ness nodded. "Can I have a minute?"

"Ness..."

"Please. I'm looking the other way when every instinct tells me I shouldn't, just let me do this one thing...please."

Michelle nodded. "Okay. Do your thing." She then left the room.

Ness kneeled down to Mr. Walker's level and put his hand to his forehead.

"Mr. Walker," Ness said, "I know you can hear me. You know who I am...I never enjoy hurting on other people, even to those who have it coming. If you harm another hair on your daughter's head...I will take a sadistic pleasure in making you beg for her forgiveness, you son of a bitch."

He walked away, but suddenly spun back around.

"Perhaps you'll consider A.A. when you wake up tomorrow."

He stayed, wondering if he had anything else to say.

He didn't.

Ness turned and left the bedroom.

* * *

**2003**

"So what's your all time favorite movie?"

Ness and Michelle walked home, Murphy and Lyssa following close by. Michelle chuckled and shook her head.

"Don't ever ask a film geek like me that question," she replied, "You'll never get a straight answer. My opinion changes like the weather."

Ness nodded. "So, what's the weather like now?"

Michelle looked out to the sky, and then down to the ground she walked upon. "Hmm...you know, I think at the moment...this one movie called _Magnolia_."

"What's it about?"

"It's really hard to explain. It's...it's about a bunch of people living in an area of California. The movie starts off as a cross-section of the weird coincidences that happen in every day life, but...I always saw something more than that in that particular movie. Here's my house."

Ness looked at the house, which seemed nice enough, but damn it if he didn't want to see it from the inside.

"So what did you see in it? The movie?"

"I saw...people who needed to make connections with each other. And I thought, well, it's been done a few times, maybe, but here's something that really does it perfectly and beautifully. I think...I love that movie."

Ness nodded. He stuck his hand out. "I'll have to see it sometime."

"Absolutely. I mean, we'll do this again. You can see it with me. And Murph and Lyssa, of course. You know, papa don't preach, or daddy doesn't like...well, I'm sure he wouldn't...I, uh ju--"

"I get it, don't worry. I don't think you're a loser if that's what you're thinking."

Michelle looked up at Ness appropriately; that is to say, as if he just said the words she didn't know she wanted to hear. "You're sweet."

"You're interesting. The good kind of interesting."

They looked at each other, studied each other for as long as they could get away with. And then they said their goodnights.

And as Michelle pondered over whether she had finally met a decent person who looked at her as more than some geek who had odd, anti-social interests, the realization slowly washed over Ness like sea surf over sand; this was the start of something interesting, indeed.

* * *

**2004**

During the bike ride to Onett, Michelle couldn't help but look back at Ness. Her soulful eyes couldn't help but make Ness smile, and he asked "What's this? Headache gone?"

Michelle chuckled. "No, pervert!"

"Sorry...you do know that there's no pressure to have sex, right?"

"Yeah, I know, don't worry."

"I mean, I'd be honored, you're a wonderful girl, but I don't need--"

"Chill, Ness," Michelle smiled, "I know how you feel."

Ness continued to pedal.

Michelle continued to gaze.

"Just..." she said, "I'm so lucky."

* * *

**(hours earlier)**

"No." She stared at Paula, cold.

"I'm sorry," Paula responded, "I just--I can't help it. And I'm not going to move in on him--"

"No, NO, NO."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Just..." Michelle groaned. This wasn't happening, everything was going perfectly with her and Ness, this was NOT happening, and there could only be one solution. "HATE HIM, okay?"

"I can't just do that--"

"Dammit! GODDAMMIT!"

"Take it easy!"

"HOW DO YOU SUGGEST I DO THAT?" shouted Michelle. "I'm SPECIAL! I'm one of a kind! People have been telling me this all my life, but it doesn't mean SHIT for my love life!" She couldn't stop the tears from flowing now.

"That never bothered you before--"

"WELL IT DOES NOW, OKAY? IT DOES! Ever since I met Ness, life has...life has burned brighter! There, I said it! It's cheesy as all hell, but it's true!"

"So what's the problem?"

Michelle sat down, head in her hands. She inhaled as if to say something, eyes wet with tears, but suddenly rose and strode toward the door with a determination.

"Michelle, MICHELLE, WAIT!" She may have heard her, she may not have heard her, but Michelle had slammed the door behind her as she walked out as if she didn't hear her.

* * *

**(presently)**

Ness locked the bike outside his house, took Michelle's hand, and welcomed her into his home. "Just be quiet," he warned, "Mom and Tracy are probably asleep. Mom's actually got the flu, so be careful and wash your hands."

"Got it," said Michelle, who quietly made her way to the bathroom with Ness.

They playfully fought over who was going to wash their hands first, and after the impromptu splash fight, Ness headed for the kitchen to see what he could cook up for a late dinner. Michelle glanced over at the TV and saw a note taped to the screen.

Ness pulled some frozen hot dogs out of the freezer, and seperated two from the eight pack provided--

"Oh my God..."

Ness glanced over from the kitchen to the den. "What? What's up?"

"Ness..." Michelle suddenly felt sick.

"What?"

"It's...your Mom was rushed to the hospital by ambulance."

There was obviously gravity in the phrase spoken by Michelle and the note from Poo that Ness grabbed away from her and read. Ness understood the basic idea of what had happened and he reacted the way any son would - like a giant invisible weight had suddenly knocked the wind out of him. However, invisible weights, with the technical exception of gravity, are naturally impossible, and it takes some time to wrap one's mind around being hit with an impossible object.

Ness dropped the note.

He paced around in a circle as Michelle backed off, but stopped shortly after he started.

He then shifted in one direction to go one way, then shifted in a new direction, back to the old direction, a new direction, the second direction, before cursing out loud and heading for the door. When he sensed Michelle two steps behind him, he stopped himself again.

"I-I'm sorry, I have to--"

"We have to go."

"I don't know how long I'll be!"

"Well, it's not Dad's place, and you'll be there, so however long it takes is good enough for me. Let's go."


	7. Interlude B: With A Capital S

Nobody had ever run through the hospital like Ethan Franklin did on the morning of October 17th.

It would have been a sight to see for those who knew Ethan best. He was a video game developer, known in the industry for the best selling PC franchise _Wetwire_, such an immensely hard worker that it was a wonder that he was still married; in fact, an office pool had started on what day Ethan would finally be served his divorce papers. Ethan himself had placed a bet for December 2006.

The people in on the pool thought they knew Ethan well. To them, he was the poster boy for the old school programmer; the kind of guy who mainlined taurine because caffine was for pussies. The kind of guy who saw the entire world in black and green with code lining the walls and the ground, building the people he called friends and family. His home was his office, his kitchen was the break room. "Frenzy" Franklin, they called him. Always on a programming bender, making everybody's lives easier. The person who suggested that he might actually take up exhausting physical activity at some point would be considered daft by the co-workers who knew Ethan Franklin best.

The co-workers who knew him best didn't know him at all.

After a quick stop at the front desk to check on some information, Ethan bolted to intensive care, where outside he saw his son Ness, his daughter Tracy, and two people he had never met before. He noticed the girl in glasses was holding Ness's hand; it must've been Michelle, who he had heard him talk about a lot. The other guy, Asian, bald except for a top-knot and wearing an ash grey Old Navy tee shirt and jean shorts - quite underdressed for the chill of the October morning - he didn't know at all. Probably that Poo kid Ness had mentioned on occasion.

Ethan stopped dead in his tracks and caught his breath. "What's...the latest...?"

"The doctor's running some tests," said Ness, "They haven't told me anything and I don't think they want to."

If Ethan wasn't panicking before, he sure as hell was now. "What do you mean, you don't think they want to? Jesus Christ, we're not talking about anything termin--"

"I don't know!" Ness shot back. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, holding up his hand in a halting motion. "Sorry," he said.

Ethan put three fingers to his bowed forehead in some vain attempt to keep his mind in place, and replied, "So am I." He gave Ness a big hug, but Ness quickly broke it.

"I'm fine," he whispered, "Tracy needs you more. She found her."

Ethan quickly looked at Tracy and immediately felt low; of course Ness would be all right. He was probably hurting, but he was an incredibly strong boy. Tracy, on the other hand, was scared to death and wondering if her mother was going to be all right.

"Hey, sweetheart," Ethan comforted, turning to Tracy and opening his arms to her. Tracy took the hug, and Ethan stroked her back, telling her that everything was going to be just fine.

"Franklin family?"

Ethan looked up to see a plain looking nurse. "Yes, hi."

"Has Mrs. Franklin coughed on you over the past 24 hours?"

The family looked completely clueless.

"I'll take that as a no. Good."

"Wh...What the hell's going on?" asked Ethan, his panic now mixing with confusion.

The nurse, for her part, gathered everyone closer. "Look, your mother's going to be fine. We're lucky enough to have the resources to treat her."

"For what?" asked Michelle.

"It's...uhm...it's a flu."

"Oh!" said Poo, "That is not a problem at all! Let's take her home, I know a special way we can cure her."

"This...isn't just any flu."

Once more, everyone was dumbstruck, but only Tracy was not confused enough to be speechless. "Wait," she asked, "how many flus are there?"

The nurse looked around, visibly nervous. "Please...don't make me say it." Audibly nervous, too.

"Say...what?" asked Ness, "Can you whisper it?"

The nurse looked around one last time. She leaned in real close, and in her tiniest whisper, said "It's--"

Thirty seconds later, the nurse was mobbed with press, particularly from the FOX network, everyone grilling her with questions over the latest outbreak of SARS. The poor nurse was swallowed in the wave of reporters, breaking down in tears because of an overwhelming lack of answers.

Meanwhile, the family looked on in shock and confusion.

"Dad?" asked Ness.

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad Mom's gonna be okay and all...but...is it wrong to feel a little...disappointed?"

"Uhm...no, not really. Just answer me something?"

"Sure."

"Is today September 20th?"

"No, it's October 17th. Why?"

Ethan paused, soaking in the date, and said "Just checking."


End file.
